I saw a T-shirt on CaféPress. It said, “My Disabling Chronic Illness Is More Real Than Your Imaginary Medical Expertise.” I want that shirt!
Last night at work was uncontrolled chaos as far as the machinery went… Between the complete exhaustion, border-line migraine, and various other aches and pains it was a fight just to get there. But I made it through! At the end of the shift, I was inquiring how my Supervisor would hold up under an Audit they were having today. He made the comment, “We could use you, but you do what you think you have to do.” Then it dawned on me…he thinks I’m “faking” to get out of the insane overtime!!!
Now, I’ve read all kinds of material about the “mental tole” of an “invisible” chronic illness…I’ve talked to people who fight the stereo-type of “lazy faker”. I’ve sat through repeated office visits where my Doc asked not only me about how my “mental state” was holding up, but she also asked my hubby about signs of depression, BUT…his comment really got to me!
After I got home and collapsed of the couch, laying there feeling every part of my body trying to kick my ass from the inside out, I still had a moment of wondering if he was right. Wondering if it was all in my head and if I just quit whining, got up and “pushed” if it would all go away. Maybe I’m just not trying hard enough….
Yes, I do my best (as most of us do) to hide the glitches, aches, pains, and other crap, but self-doubt isn’t a symptom on my laundry-list and I don’t plan on putting it there!
Why would anyone WANT to intentionally live like half-an-invalid? Because, let me tell ya…limping in steel-toes is NOT a good look! “Walking” down an isle between two machines in a pinball fashion leaves bruises (not to mention drawing some odd looks). Brain-fog really sucks the confidence outta your IQ. Dropping everything can even lead to financial loss…I’ve lost several tools in machines that way!
I may occasionally be called a “Drama Queen” do to a random tendency to overreact…but this is a bit past that. After all, it would be WAY too much work to try to remember to walk like a drunken zombie and keep my hands set on “High Vibrate” all the time! Not to mention the inevitable side-effects on my liver and other necessary organs from all the meds I’m taking. That’s just a bit extreme a price to pay to duck out of overtime…
My hubby pointed out to me I have to live in my body, not my Supervisor. I shouldn’t worry about his opinion. (Have I mentioned how awesome a guy he is?)
So…I’m thinking someone, somewhere should establish a National Up-Yours Day for all the people who look at others and determine at a glance that they’re faking being ill either out of laziness or for attention!
And here’s the link to the Official T-shirt for this official day. Enjoy!