A Jester Remembers

Wednesday April 4:  I write about my health because… Reflect on why you write about your health for 15-20 minutes without stopping.

Day 4  Hhhhmmmmmm… (I write about my health because it’s cheaper than therapy?) I write about my health because I REMEMBER.

 There are so many things I remember, and I’m NOT talking about being healthy. (I’m pretty sure we all remember that.) I’m talking about remembering what it was like to be stuck in the in-between times. When you were a “chronic shadow”…not healthy, not yet diagnosed as being “sick”. Those times and places in your life when you pretty much walked hand-in-hand with fear, anger, sadness, and every question known to health-care….but little or no answers.

 During those times I NEEDED someone to tell me, “Hey! You’re not alone! Yep, we’ve ALL gone through it to one degree or another. And guess what? You’ll make it through OK and be a stronger person for it.”

 What I found were groups for every kind of chronic illness, but no “What the heck is wrong with me?” group. I didn’t find a “Medical Mystery Club” where those of us still “up in the air” could turn. And I remember the frustration and loneliness. That’s why I write…and why I write in general terms instead of disease-specific.

My Mom and some of her "critters."

 I remember My Mother…She lived with Crohn’s Disease (another autoimmune) for over 20 years. She never fully understood what it meant to her body. (This was the dark ages…LONG before the internet!) She hated the way the drugs made her feel, so didn’t take them most of the time. After a botched colonoscopy, she refused to submit to her yearly exam. Her lack of understanding and fear contributed to her all-too-early death...You see, the yearly colonoscopy could have caught the colon cancer before it filled her entire abdominal cavity.

 I remember a few short weeks before the end of her life, her wondering if more could have been done. If she should have sought a second opinion…if she’d fought hard enough. I remember thinking that the pain of watching her pass was bad enough…no one should have to deal with the “what ifs” on top of that!



My Jester hats.
The teal ribbon is for Scleroderma and
the purple butterflys are for Fibromyalgia.



 No…I don’t do a lot of disease-specific pieces, post the ground-breaking research, or write the deep, informative articles. There are SO many others SO much better at it than I am. I am the Court Jester in the midst of more powerful and influential people.  I put on the funny hat…I dance around with my bells…I couch words and concepts in jokes and wrap my health in laughter so others might not feel so afraid and alone.

And I remember.