M-Beastie And Me

 Good morning! Today is going to be a flippin’ awesome day because…well, why not? I’ve got a ton of phone calls to make and an appointment or two to reschedule so life is already coming up roses! (Yes peoples, I’m trying to psych myself up! I HATE “phone work”!)



 Last Thursday I had a GI appointment…I missed! (Eek!) But it wasn’t my fault. My body was conspiring to kill me! (The damned Gnome was working hard on my head…) Thursday was the day that I discovered I just might be turning into a Vampire…*insert creepy going-to-commercial-music here*



Yep...that's what it feels like!



 Everything was fine that day, until I left the safe, Sun-free shelter of my home on a mission to take hubby lunch. As soon as I stepped into the full light of day, Janine (the invisible Gnome with the giagantimous sledge hammer that lives inside my body and attempts to incapacitate me from the inside out?) decided THEN would be a PERFECT time to shove hot icepicks into my eyes. It was all down-hill from there…The direct sunlight triggered (for the first time EVER) a *insert long stream of profanity here* migraine.  

 For those in the crowd who suffer from these beasts of destruction, enough said. For those lucky enough to never have experienced the wonder of it all? Let me explain…

 For me (since like EVERTHING else, it varies from person to person) the first thing that happens is an overwhelming desire to pop my eyeballs out of my skull! My M-beastie ALWAYS originates behind my right eye, building up unspeakable pressure. Then the nausea hits…

 Ever have the worst hang-over known to man? Yeah, well…TRIPLE it! Light, movement, sound, and occasionally breathing will trigger the cascade reaction of the nausea, which in turn leads to the uncontrollable heaving-on-your-knees phase. (Or…anywhere else, since M-horking could care less if you’re near the Porcelain God…or a trash can…or any other receptacle!) And yes, the horking actually tends to make the pain worse. (No relief for you, bub!)

 When in the arms of M-beast, light is your enemy, managing to pass directly through even the tightest of closed eyelids. And sound? Holy cow! It becomes Demons burrowing in through your eardrums to liquefy your brain!

 But the WORST possible thing that could happen at this point in time…MOVEMENT! This? Is the quickest way to Puke-Town. Even the movement of your body as you breathe in is enough to send every neuron in your head into full-blown Armageddon! (Heck, the movement of the Earth on its axis is enough to trigger this reaction!)

 To put this is the simplest terms I can, I’ve given natural birth to four children and I’d GLADLY go through that experience over a migraine ANY DAY OF THE WEEK! I mean, THIS is a pain so gnarly you can’t even sleep through it…

 Now you’re wondering what the heck causes these devastating pain-tsunamis? For many of us who live with the constant threat of migraines, no one knows! (Personally, I’ve had all manner of brain scan, MRI’s, neurological tests, CT scans…it’s still a mystery.) Others are triggered by hormones or even the phases of the moon. (No joke!) Some of the other biggie triggers are red wine, chocolate, and caffeine. (Poor bastards!) Oh, and of course...sunlight!

 Many of us seem to have some form of warning signs called “auras”. For some, it’s a mild distortion to their vision. Some folks experience random, phantom smells. For me? My neck ties itself in a Celtic knot, and I know I’m in for a wild ride.  (One awesome lady I spoke to hears beards chirping before one hits…)

Some of the rescue meds
I've tried.

 Luckily, I found a “rescue” med that works for me, Maxalt MLT. If I take it at the first sign of the “aura,” then it USUALLY stops it or at least takes it down to the level of a REALLY bad headache. There are rescue meds that work on hormone related migraines, there are injectables, pills, tablets that melt on your tongue, and little critters you stick under your tongue. Some poor souls take daily meds to ward off the evil, while others have yet to find their salvation.

 Believe it or not? There are types of migraines that don’t involve the actual pain, but can be just as incapacitating. (Some of these are referred to as Ocular or Silent Migraines.) One lovely woman I know lives with this type. She deals with all the visual, sound, and movement related “fun and games” but is spared the crushing pain. The down-side? She also still experiences the joy that many of us refer to as the “hangover” effect.

 The day after a migraine, your body feels like it’s not only been put through the wringer, but it went through wash, rinse, and repeat first! Think of it as having run a marathon only to find that an angry mob armed with ball bats awaited you at the finish line! Yeah…good times!

 During my Tumblr addiction, I found an AMAZING blog called “That M Word: A Migraine Blog”  that’s packed full of TONS of great info about the latest research, common treatments, and even naturopathic help.  (Check her out, she’s awesome!)

 For now, I’m off to call and reschedule an appointment and find my pink-lensed sun glasses. (Hey, the rosy world-view has been shown to help ward off light-induced migraines. Plus? It makes the world all pretty!)

 May your day be filled with painless sunshine, hork-free movement, and all the chocolate and red wine your heart desires!