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| I may be down, but I am so NOT out! |
In case you haven’t figured it out, I’ve been building up to a good, old fashioned flare. (I know, BORE-ING!) The flare and all it entails I could deal with…we all do. It’s the OTHER stuff that sucks major nad-age. The crap that doesn’t just hit ya when you’re down, it kicks you and even manages to feel like it’s tap dancing on your soul. That’s right; I’m talking the mental-emotional one-two punch combo!
Look, I’m all about being all “real and honest” and today’s reality is, I’m hurting…more in the mind and soul part of the equation than the body. Flares can only be “controlled” by eating, living, and thinking “right” to a point, after that Mother Nature and your friggin’ over-achieving immune system take over and it’s on like Donkey Kong! Powerless…that’s where you’re left standing.
And that, my friends? HURTS worse than the pain. It also happens to be the one thing I’ve come to realize is I am absolutely no damn good at, being powerless. It makes me angry (enter Chris-Hulk) and since there is NOTHING to aim the anger at other than my own body, it ends up devolving into depression…
That is one vicious, dangerous loop to get caught in. It’s also one I’ve seen play-out in my life, as well as those of friends, over and over. (Which is why I’m abandoning the “funny” for today to share this un-awesomeness with you…)
So what do you do when life drops an Acme safe on your head? First thing I usually do is cry. Sometimes a little, other times I turn into a Niagara Falls, but it’s a release of pressure before my head or heart explodes, so I cry. Then I take a deep breath and start talking.
I talk to my family, I talk to my friends, I talk to my Doc. Hell, I even talk to myself! The IMPORTANT thing is I don’t try to deny how I’m feeling or why. (Denial is not just a river in Egypt folks…and it’s a dangerous place to end up.) I share EVERYTHING with those I trust and I know care about me…and it helps. A LOT!
Then I usually cry some more. (What can I say? I’m such a girl.)
Talking about it may not fix the flare, but others knowing how I’m feeling…what I’m afraid of…it means that they’re not only aware of my current physical glitches, but they can talk me through the roughest part of the depression. They can help “keep an eye” on my emotional state…and occasionally give me the kick in the behind to get to the Doc when the talking fails to jump-start my mood.
Look, I know telling someone you’re depressed is way harder than telling them you’re feeling like crap-on-toast, but it’s just as important. We all know when we’re in physical distress…it’s so much harder to see when we’re in emotionally distress. That’s one of the miracles of support-systems! The help support us when we can’t support ourselves. Personally, I’m not sure where I’d be without mine…my friends and family are my freakin’ ROCKS!
I’ve talked before (OK, typed, whatever…) about some of the other things I use to get me through a rough patch, (books, movies, artsy-crafty stuff, music) but truthfully, the most important thing for me is the first step of admitting I have a “problem” and talking it out…Kinda the concept of once you give the Monster a name and say it out loud, it loses a lot of its power and ability to scare you.
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| Getting caught by your offspring? PRICELESS! |
So this morning I’m throwing this last thought out there, please please PLEASE! If or when you find yourself in the middle of a rough patch, TALK to someone! Name the monster and steal enough of his thunder that you can then proceed to kick his slimy, green ass! If that’s not enough, see your Doc, talk to a Therapist. (There is NO shame in that either.) Lean on your support network and find the love and laughter that’s waiting on the other end of the tears.
And know you are not alone, my friends…You’re not broken and there’s nothing “wrong” with you, so reach out to someone and fight your way back outta the dark, murky depths. Because standing on the shore? Are people who love you waiting with outstretched hands.
