|I may be down, but I am|
so NOT out!
In case you haven’t figured it out, I’ve been building up to a good, old fashioned flare. (I know, BORE-ING!) The flare and all it entails I could deal with…we all do. It’s the OTHER stuff that sucks major nad-age. The crap that doesn’t just hit ya when you’re down, it kicks you and even manages to feel like it’s tap dancing on your soul. That’s right; I’m talking the mental-emotional one-two punch combo!
Look, I’m all about being all “real and honest” and today’s reality is, I’m hurting…more in the mind and soul part of the equation than the body. Flares can only be “controlled” by eating, living, and thinking “right” to a point, after that Mother Nature and your friggin’ over-achieving immune system take over and it’s on like Donkey Kong! Powerless…that’s where you’re left standing.
And that, my friends? HURTS worse than the pain. It also happens to be the one thing I’ve come to realize is I am absolutely no damn good at, being powerless. It makes me angry (enter Chris-Hulk) and since there is NOTHING to aim the anger at other than my own body, it ends up devolving into depression…
That is one vicious, dangerous loop to get caught in. It’s also one I’ve seen play-out in my life, as well as those of friends, over and over. (Which is why I’m abandoning the “funny” for today to share this un-awesomeness with you…)
So what do you do when life drops an Acme safe on your head? First thing I usually do is cry. Sometimes a little, other times I turn into a Niagara Falls, but it’s a release of pressure before my head or heart explodes, so I cry. Then I take a deep breath and start talking.
I talk to my family, I talk to my friends, I talk to my Doc. Hell, I even talk to myself! The IMPORTANT thing is I don’t try to deny how I’m feeling or why. (Denial is not just a river in Egypt folks…and it’s a dangerous place to end up.) I share EVERYTHING with those I trust and I know care about me…and it helps. A LOT!
Then I usually cry some more. (What can I say? I’m such a girl.)
Talking about it may not fix the flare, but others knowing how I’m feeling…what I’m afraid of…it means that they’re not only aware of my current physical glitches, but they can talk me through the roughest part of the depression. They can help “keep an eye” on my emotional state…and occasionally give me the kick in the behind to get to the Doc when the talking fails to jump-start my mood.
And know you are not alone, my friends…You’re not broken and there’s nothing “wrong” with you, so reach out to someone and fight your way back outta the dark, murky depths. Because standing on the shore? Are people who love you waiting with outstretched hands.