Good morning! OK, so I’m placing an ad in the local paper…just as soon as I get the wording right. This is what I gots so far, “WANTED: Nanny. Think Mary Poppins with SERIOUS attitude and foul mouth (it will be needed for motivational purposes). Job requirements include, but not limited to; is not afraid to clean (because your charge is), must cook (because your charge won’t), and should possess a Master’s Degree in Laundry.” What do ya think?
“I thought your youngest was almost 18. Why the heck do you need a Nanny?” you ask?
Well…because it’s not for the kids. It’s for me.
Here’s where the idea started…Yesterday, my daughter’s half-feral cat (which I hadn’t seen in WEEKS) showed up...just in time to give birth in the middle of the living room! Oh yeah, this one? Requires an audience to her mad baby-popping skills. (Better than prime-time viewing? Ummm…not so much.)
So this morning, hubby and I were gazing lovingly (and by “lovingly” I really mean “with extreme exasperation”) at the four balls of “feed me, clean-up after me, and drop a butt-load of money on me” in mommy-cat’s nest. That’s when hubby looked at me and said, “I thought you were gonna get her fixed after the last batch?”
Me: “She disappeared! I forgot! I spent the money on iTunes…” And that was when the idea hit me. “I need a Nanny!”
Hubby: “Honey, they don’t have Nannies for 42 year olds.”
Me: ”I’m only 41, for now…and they should! She could motivate me and remind to do stuff.” (Oh, and by “remind me to do stuff”? I REALLY meant “do stuff for me.”)
I got the blank-stare-head-shake reaction on this one. Then he attempted to change the subject with, “So…do you have any plans for today?”
Me: “LAUNDRY!”
This time I got an openly mocking belly-laugh. Seriously!?!? I AM capable of doing laundry, I simply choose not too…or I forget until I’ve worn the same outfit (and by “outfit” I really mean “jammies”) for three days in a row.
 |
| I'm only including this picture to shame myself into actually DOING the laundry today. (It really isn't THAT bad, is it?) |
SIDEBAR- Laundry and Oprah are my arch Nemesis-es-es. Oprah because she’s beating me in my quest for World Media Domination and makes it all look so darned EASY! Laundry, because the washer and broken dryer are down a steep flight of stairs and across a stream/river created daily by our funked-up A/C. Then, after the stuff is washed, I get to cart it BACK across the river, up the steep steps, outside to the clothes-line, hang it all up, wait for it to dry, take it down, fold it, and put it away. Do you see the problem with this scenario? WAY TOO MUCH WORK FOR CLEAN UNDERWARES! (So much easier to just go all commando!) -END SIDEBAR
So, you see, THIS is why I desperately need a Nanny, even though hubby said a “handler” would be a much more appropriate description…whatever THAT’S supposed to mean.
I almost forgot to include the best part…wages! “Will be paid in kittens.” Now, if that doesn’t bring the applications rolling in, I don’t know what will!
May your day be filled with ONLY the kittens you PLANNED, someone else to lovingly do your laundry without a massive guilt-trip, and loads of clean underwares!
