Excerpt from Court Transcript
Defendant: “Your Honor, you have to understand, I’m really not a violent woman!”
Courtroom Observer: “I object!”
Judge: “Council, will you please tell the Defendant’s offspring to sit down and remain silent? OK Mrs. Dean, you may continue.”
Defendant: “Thank you, your Honor. As I was saying (pause) I’m really not a violent woman. It’s just, when the guy stepped in front of me, cutting me off at the entrance, I lost it! It’s like my cane took on a life of its own!
“I swear, I really don’t remember a THING until a few minutes later when I blinked and my hubby had ahold of my swingin’ arm…Oh! I mean my right arm. That was when I noticed the lobby was filled with rude assholes…I mean poor people with lumps, bumps, and bruises all over their heads.”
Judge: “Thank you, Mrs. Dean. You may step down. Defense may call its next witness.”
Defense: “Your Honor, I would like to call Dr. Smaltzenfudger to offer expert testimony on the exact meaning of Appointment Rage…”
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| Come on, who could ever convict this face! I've got my hand raised and a "pleasant" smile and everything! |
Good morning! That’s right peoples, I am creating a new legal defense! (No, this does NOT show premeditation!) I figure one of these way-to-early mornings, after hubby and I have spent the last half hour lost (this one wasn’t my fault! The map SUCKED.) and we’re running late, I’m going to end up losing it and thumping someone with my cane. (Probably hubby, by the way. He may want to go ahead and invest in a safety ball cap!)
I figure they have “road rage” and “sports rage” as legal defenses. If any of these Judges or Experts have had to go to repeated Doc appointments? They would TOTALLY accept “appointment rage” as a viable excuse! ESPECIALLY if your spouse is driving and, even after more than 13 years, can’t come to grips with the fact that your sense of direction rivals that of a mentally-challenged homing pigeon!
*deep breath* But that was yesterday and today is another chance to get us completely, irrevocably lost in a different town heading to a different Doc. It’s also another chance to prove I can Zombie-shuffle faster than someone with a walker and avoid getting cut-off at the door…AGAIN! (Oh, stop fussing. I’m not really that insensitive! For the most part…when we’re on time…and didn’t get lost…much.)
May your day be filled with absolutely no reason to ever think REALLY hard about what Legal Defense you might someday need to explain any impending bad behavior and spouses that understand and lovingly accept your FEW shortcomings!
