Good morning! Welcome to the Stress-Zone my friends! Back to school time, off to College time, and just general time-of-year bonanza. (Just bring it Life, ‘cause we can take it!!! BWAAAA HAAAA HAAAA!!!)
Sorry about the mini melt-down there. I’m better now.
*clears throat so as to sound more together and all adult like and stuff* I have happened to notice that quite a few of my friends currently appear to be under tremendous amounts of stress. Doesn’t matter if it’s the kids-n-school thing or (like my dumbass) self-imposed pressures. EVERYBODY stresses…(unless you were born without a functioning adrenal gland, and that’s a whole world of other problems…just sayin’)
Anyway, I figured with it being Friday I’d just do a list of FUN ways to blow off some stress-steam. Here goes nothin'. (Or a possibly a Law Suit. Either way, hopefully it'll be should be interesting...)
*Top Ten Ways To Release The Stress-Beast:
1) Shower wars- With kids going back to school and stuff, the morning bathroom scene is gonna get ugly, what with long showers and running out of hot water before you get your chance. Here’s a little trick I learned last year when hubby wouldn’t put the tub/shower button in the “down” position when he was done…
FORGET the “flushing” trick to hurry them along in their bath-time adventure. Go for the washing machine! That’s right folks, pull out the big guns. I’m not talking a momentary, “OUCH!” I’m talking extended, “That’s my damned shower too, now get the heck-y out!”
Oh, and you’re welcome.
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| Correct position gets you a hug. WRONG position? Your next shower, I'm starting a load of laundry! |
2) Talk to the hand- When you’re missing the offspring being under foot (Pfft!) or (more likely) no one’s listening to a word you say? You can always talk to your old friend Mr. Hand.
Hand is a GREAT friend. He’s always there when I need to feel ike someone cares, he’s a great listener, NEVER back-talks or argues, and he goes with me everywhere!
Cashier not listening about ringing up the wrong price? Talk to the hand! Waiter got your order wrong and Manager doesn’t care? Talk to the hand!
The double bonus of this one is, not only will talking calm you down, but when others see you chatting with you tag-a-long pal they will do ANYTHING in the WORLD to make you happy and get you the heck outta their environment! Bull-yeah!
3) (OK, this one is kinda specific to folks that use walking aids, but hey! Keep it in mind for future necessity.) Paint your cane- Lately I’ve caught myself fighting the urge to play whack-a-mole with folks that cut me off in public situations. No, I don’t move very fast and I tend to wander aimlessly, but when you swerve in front of my distracted self, body-collisions are bound to occur. Factor in I’m carrying a purple, sparkly potential-weapon-of-bludgeoning and things can get STRESSFUL!
I decided to use some art therapy to aid in the whole public safety thing. I painted my cane with a personal message that makes me smile. (Ah…smiling is GOOD!) Also? If I play whack-a-dork now, I could mess-up my lovely art work. (Yep! Always thinking about safety first!)
4) Create your own space- Every article I’ve ever read about de-stressing your life talks about creating your own space. Just a place you can go to feel at peace and no one else’s tastes in décor are factored in. All you, all the time.
So yesterday I cleaned off the desk (and even have pictures to prove it) and reclaimed my rightful spot, returning the dining room table to mealtimes. I also claimed my end of the couch, my side of the bed, my footrest, my chair for piling-stuff-on-it-for-storage, my chair for lounging, and my window ledge for sitting my diet Dr. Pepper and e-reader. (It’s mine peoples…ALL MINE!!!) And ya know? I DO feel much better. *falls over in fit of giggles*
5) Destroy something in the digital realm- OK, I am NOT the biggest fan of video games. Sorry, but those stupid controllers have like 50 different buttons and a freakin’ MILLION different combos to hit just to MOVE in a game. But then…*insert angelic choir music here* I found the Angry Birds type of games! (I will say, I prefer the Cannon Rats, cellphone knock-off, but that’s just me.)
There is nothing more relaxing than sitting in MY SPACE on the couch and destroying cute little digital critters! I scream at them, I point and laugh at them. I have even broken into applause at their virtual deaths. And I can play the same level for days on end, since I suck at these stupid things. But hey, it adds YEARS to the life of the game!
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| What a great friend! Mr. Hand offering me a spoon full 'o goodness. |
6) Mocha Cappuccino Hazelnut Spread- I am NOT promoting stress-related eating. (I don’t HAVE to promote it…it promotes itself just fine without me.)
I’ll just say this, when it gets all stress-y and you’re about to say something really BAD, pop a spoon of this gift-from-the-Gods in your mouth and two things will happen. First, you’ll be WAY too happy to be scream-y at anyone. Second, your mouth will be effectively sealed shut for the five minutes it’ll take it to melt, during which time you’ll have de-stressed because of the first thing that’ll happen.
7) Dance- Look, it doesn’t matter if you’re Baryshnikov or live with two left feet and 15 toes, dancing is a GREAT tension buster. (Especially if you’re in public.)
Think about it this way, you start randomly dancing and either the looks on people’s faces are gonna crack you the fudge-nuts up, or their thunderous applause will make you too happy to remember to be unhappy. (Also, embarrassing family members is a great way to blow off a little steam.) Win-win!
8) Fart machines- This method is most effective in restaurant settings. Enough said.
9) Sing- This one is here for the same reasons as #8. (It’s also on here cause I’m running out of ideas, but that is TOTALLY beside the point, so just forget I mentioned it.)
10) Skipping stones- We all remember from childhood how relaxing an afternoon of skipping stones on a tranquil pond can be. (For us, probably not so much for the fishies and other pond dwellers. But, I digress..)
What? You don’t have ready access to a pond? No problem! I know from personal experience that you can actually skip stones on dirt, a parking lot, and people’s heads. (This last one? Can be BEYOND stress and tension relieving!)
I hope you’ve found at least a few items on here to help with whatever is binding your boxers (or braziers) and that they may help lead you to a more relaxing day!
* If you actually do any of these things and they result in an arrest, family feud, or involuntary commital…then, ummm…I was just jokin’! Yeah, that’s it! Just jokin’…
