|The original trio of doom.|
It went downhill FAST from there.
|Don't be fooled, they're cute now|
but they'll grow up and begin
plotting your downfall!
In years past, I’d send all the guys to “freezer camp” since they really are tasty and much less fatty than normal, anti-psychotic ducks. Plus? The boys have been known to fight to the death, so weeding them out was a necessity. (I’m now convinced these stories are told to the young around the pool, fueling their hatred of humans and cementing their desire to rule us all! Screw Planet of the Apes, it’s gonna be Dawn of the Ducks!)
These days, I’m too darned tired and gimp-a-fied to chase them down and “do the deed.” As a result, they are everywhere and doing their best to suck what little sanity I have left, along with my will to live, right outta my soul!
They repeatedly lure me and the offspring out of the house all throughout the day by pretending they’re interested in whatever yummy goodness resides in a road-side ditch. (Seriously! We’re surrounded by fertile forest and they opt for a DITCH! How, I ask you, can it NOT be a trap?) Personally, I believe they are training us. One afternoon, we’ll emerge to check the ditch and the little buggers are gonna drop a net and drag us off into the underbrush.
|It's GOTTA be a trap. After all, if you were a duck,|
where would you rather hang out?
Please, tell my kids I love them…*falls out of chair laughing like the insomnia-and-too-much-coffee idiot she is*
The females of the species are approximately 30% smaller than the males. (Girls, about seven pounds while the boys weigh in around 15.) The she-bitches are capable of making annoying, squeaking sounds to express their displeasure with life, the universe, and all that is good and beautiful in the world. They hatch babies like it’s their damn day-job and will viciously attack on sight.
|Some of the younger ducks.|
I'm sure they were plotting.
Just look at the smug air of
derision on their faces!
Both genders have full flight capabilities, turning them into death-from-above. Or the bane of your angry-neighbor-with-a-pond’s existence. They are indigenous to Brazil where they nest in trees. Because of their tree-dwelling habits, both sexes also possess claws of shredded-death! And trust me on this, they KNOW how to use them on each other and unsuspecting humans.
|Baby Huey, our original male, |
boldly models his striking mullet
and baboon-arse-looking caruncles.
(I left the red-eye since it
accentuated his inner evil.)
What are these guys good for? AVOIDING! (Although they really are GREAT bug control and better mousers than my cats. REALLY!)