Good morning! Last night I drifted off to sleep, secure in the knowledge that the ducks were outside, I was reasonably safe inside and wondering what I would write about today. Then it hit me just like a load of wet laundry. You know, heavy, smothering, and impossible to climb out from under? My offspring!
The last several months, the two youngest have been helping out so much around the house and yesterday they kinda went above and beyond the call of duty. (Really guys, you shouldn’t have. REALLY!) So, for today’s Top Ten, I’m gonna share just how helpful they truly are.
Top Ten Ways The Offspring Are Helpful (Which is really only a Top Five this week since I’m feeling lazy. Besides, there are two of them, so we’ll just say each item counts as a two-for.):
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| Aren't they sweet? Escourting Super Slug through laundry detail. How HELPFUL! |
1) I don’t get it, but everyone seems to think clean clothes are an important accessory. If you keep in mind the laundry facilities are down a flight of stairs, it's understandable that I have been a bit “lax” this week.
So, yesterday the Boy and the Girl decided they would “help” me by escorting me down stairs under the guise of learning to do a proper load of laundry. I am now convinced their Father bribed them, because the “help” consisted of one on either side of me, “guiding” my progress through the mountain of un-washed clothes.
The day even came complete with quarries of, “Shouldn’t the washer be done by now?" and, “Don’t you think it’s time to take things off the clothesline?” rudely interrupting my game of Angry Birds.
Thank guys!
2) The Boy has become a Master of Guilt. (And at such a young age…I’m so proud!) He has been doing a WONDERFUL job of keeping the lunch dishes caught up for me, reminding me every-single-flippin-day, “You SAID I wasn’t helping with the dishes enough.” *heavy-sigh-eye-roll* “So here’s me…helping with dishes…AGAIN!”
It just warms a Mother’s heart!
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| I keep telling them, Super Slug can't cut hair...slugs don't have arms!!! |
3) In years past I was the main hair-cut person, since the hubby is too frugal (read “frugal” as “cheap”) to actually pay a trained professional to cut it. (Now all the ball caps make sense.) Sadly, the Boy has followed in his Father’s footsteps.
Since I’ve been as remiss with haircuts as I have been with the laundry, the Boy decided he’d help out by cutting his own hair.
And he did. Enough said.
(Truthfully, it didn’t look THAT bad…think weed whacker and hair-eating-feral-cat cage-match on his head. But other than that, it looks pretty good!)
4) Grocery stores are “interesting” places to turn me loose…(remember The Great Bidet Incident?) So hubby has the offspring under strict orders to NEVER let me wander unattended through Wal-Mart. (Lucky them!)
They’ve actually gotten pretty good at Mom-wrangling in recent weeks. Their system seems to be the Girl pushes the cart repeatedly badgering me about asking me what we need from each aisle while the 6’3”, 275 pound Boy brings up the rear, creating an impenetrable wall of teenager to herd the Mommy-person in the right direction.
If I “accidently” reach for something on the “banned” list, say a CD, DVD, or any Monster High doll, the Boy “accidentally” trips me, knocking said banned item from my grasp and kicking it far out of my reach before using the wall-of-teen to herd me back on course.
Well played guys. Well played.
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| Here are the Offspring using their two-pronged, Mommy-herding approach at the Grocery Store. Again, they're so HELPFUL! |
5) I’m becoming ever more concerned that for my upcoming birthday, the hubby is going to give me a piece of jewelry containing a GPS unit. Yep, I’m seriously worried he’s gonna low-jack my arse. “And this has to do with the offspring how,” you ask?
It has currently become the job of the Boy and the Girl to keep tabs on me when hubby is at work and report to him via text if I’m “behaving,” I.E. staying off Amazon and iTunes.
They’re like annoying stat counters tracking loads of laundry complete, bathrooms cleaned, meals cooked, and number of times lost in grocery store.
I just can’t express in (printable) words how much I appreciate all your hard work, guys! One of these days, I promise you this, I WILL find a way to pay you back.
There ya have it; the Top Ten (Five) ways the offspring handle help me! And just in case any of you are wondering, I’m really NOT that bad. (Shut it kids!) I’m just easily “distracted” these days…and THAT I’m TOTALLY blaming on the meds, since I was NEVER this way before. (Again, shut it kids!)
May you be surrounded by friends and family who are hanging out and not herding, and lots and lots of laughter to start your weekend off right!
