“Holy hammer toe in high heels, Batman! It’s happening…”
“Yes Robin. The transformation is almost complete. It’s terrifying, yet I can’t seem to look away.”
“The similarities are so EERIE! Batman…she’s turning into…her Mother. RUN!!!”
Oh-my-GAWD! I was just as surprised as anyone when “the incident” occurred yesterday, but it was undeniable. I had morphed into my Mother, even if it was only for the briefest of moments! The awesome part of it was my offspring were even more horrified than I was! (Which almost made up for it…)
OK, before I tell you what happened, let’s just say I’ve come to the realization I might have a slight driving-induced anger issue. Actually, not true! There are simply far too many idiots on the road who don’t respect my ultimate right to occupy the space my vehicle is inhabiting. The problem is really THEIRS.
That being settled, I was sitting in my oldest son’s 1977 Oldsmobile Omega, waiting “patiently” at a stop sign for my chance to make a left turn. Oh yeah, this was an intersection smack in between a McDonald’s and a Wal-Mart at 11:30AM on a Friday. (See the problem taking shape?) I…was stuck!
Every opening was greeted with some new idiot peeling out of Mickey D’s with his sack full-O-artery-clog. *deep calming sigh* I waited…and waited…and waited.
Now granted, had I been driving a newer model with an intact exhaust system and “get-up” that didn’t involve a slight, coughing-like pause, I could have gone three times by the point of the “occurrence.” But I wasn’t.
|I really DO love driving his car...|
After about four minutes of sitting and mumbling progressively louder with every passing car (it was HOT and MUGGY and the car has no A/C. I was SWEATING for crying out loud!)), the small, silver car sitting on top of my bumper made the ULTIMATE error in judgment…it honked at me! HONKED! It’s flippin’ HORN!
It was on like Donkey Kong.
Under normal circumstances, I am a polite, considerate driver. I brake for birds, wave (with my entire hand, not just one finger) and smile at other drivers. I even let Semis into packed traffic. I make every attempt to be NICE. (Umm...so as not to invalidate the truth of this statement, TOTALLY disregard yesterday's post. *grin*)
But this was different…and I sort-of-kinda-maybe-snapped…and momentarily became possessed by the spirit of my Mom. “Oh no you did NOT honk that HORN at me! Are you blind or just stupid? Do you think I can just teleport myself into an imaginary opening!?!” The offspring later informed me this escalating diatribe was kinda “screamed” while I looked like I was trying to climb out the driver’s side window…
“I swear, if you honk that horn one more time, I’ll get out of this car and we can discuss proper manners of the road!” (There may or may not have been a few references to alternate uses for my cane…But I have absolutely NO recollections of this, Your Honor!) Thank goodness an opening FINALLY appeared before the silver car used more poor judgment and honked again.
But you see, the true horror of the situation really wasn’t my bad behavior, (I've managed to black it out, so I'm OK with that part) it was the fact that it was almost an exact repeat of a situation where my Mother really DID get out the vehicle and sweetly walk back to the red sports car behind us and, with the nicest smile you’ve ever seen on her face, knock on the guy’s window and ask if he had a problem or was late for an important appointment. (Yeah, it’s the incident I described here...)
How does this stuff happen? (No, not the screaming thing...that happens with my mouth.) How do we women (and you guys do it too, by the way!) spend or entire lives swearing we’ll NEVER do the stuff our Moms did, then some switch flips and we find we open our mouths and the voice of our Mom comes out!?! *sigh*Honestly, I’m not sure at this point if I need a Therapist for this problem or an Exorcist.
The one thing I AM sure of? I no longer appear to have ANY business behind the wheel of a vehicle…although, I’m betting I could “converse” more effectively with other drivers from the passenger seat, since I could devote ALL of my attention to the situation…*insert creepy music and evil echoing giggle here*
May your day be filled with lots of laughter and the comforting knowledge that I will NOT be driving anywhere today!
PS I'm really NOT that bad ALL the time...I'm just gonna blame it on the meds. *guilty giggle*