Mantra For Middle-Age

  Good morning! This fine, fine morning I swear to you, I will NOT talk about potties, public bathrooms, or anything to do with leaky plumbing! (PROMISE!) Instead, I’m going to talk about something that creeps a lot of people out just as bad…BIRTHDAYS!

  Cindy at Everyday Underwear is celebrating a Birthday today (Happy Birthday Lady!) and it got me to thinking…I wrote something two years ago when I was preparing to hit 40. (30? No problem! 40? THAT one freaked me out!) Out of a morbid sense of curiosity, I dug it out this morning…just because.

Pixie at 40

  In the grand scheme of things, two years is a drop in the bucket. In actual life, it can make a WORLD of difference. Some of the things I stated in my new Mantra for Middle-Age have needed to be slightly altered to accommodate changes in the old bod. But by and large, I think I’ve lived it pretty darned well!

  So, for all of us who occasionally freak about our age, I present for your morning giggle-pleasure “When I Am 40!”

   Age is just a number and I’ve forgotten how to count! To hell with, “When I am old I shall  wear purple….”I want a new mantra!

     When I am 40, I shall misbehave!
  
     I will laugh at inappropriate things at inappropriate times.

    I will dance my way through Wal-Mart and fart freely as the mood
                                   (and gas) takes me.
               Then, I will smile  widely as I blame it on my kids.
                 
      I will dye my hair unique colors and cut it in odd shapes,
         refusing to follow the fashion of my age demographic.
  
       I shall walk bare-foot through the park, cussing loudly
             when I encounter dog poo between my toes.
    Then, when my middle-aged bladder chooses, I shall pee on a tree…..
                              without apologies!
  
       When I am 40 I shall listen to loud music from this decade and
         dance around the house like a caffeine-stricken monkey!
  
        If one of my kids films it and puts it on U-Tube, I shall find ways to
               embarrass and harass him publicly for years to come! 
                                       (Yes, it happened!) 
  
          I shall paint my nails multiple colors WITH sparkles
                and pretend that I am a Fairy Princess.
  
          I shall show public displays of affection for my hubby,
        and giggle when he pinches my tushy in the grocery store.
  
        When I am 40 I shall give up the ghost on becoming a mature adult.
                   
          I shall laugh joyously when I look in the mirror
                and see my mother looking back at me.
  
           I shall continue to wear age-inappropriate clothing
      and stick my tongue out at the teenagers in American Eagle!
   
           I will pick the underwear out of my crack without care
      and scratch when and where it itches. I will adjust my bra with zest
                               and laugh at the looks!
  
            In short, when I am 40, I shall still be ME!

Pixie turning 42...
Still crazy after all these years!

  To all those out there celebrating the turning of another year, may id be a totally AWESOME one and may you blithely start your second childhood right before the first one ends! (And that goes for the rest of us not-my-Birthday-today peoples too!)