Good morning! Here it is, Sunday again and ya know what? I STILL have hair! Yep, have not managed to pull it all out yet! (I KNOW! I’m just as shocked as you are!) But, the day is young, so there’s yet time left to change my hairless status, depending on the afternoon.
I’m gonna be honest with you folks, it’s been a quiet week. OK, not really. But I’ve had several appointments and scenarios where I had to be on my best behavior or try to find my REAL words to speak. But fear not, I still managed to unearth a few good ones for today! (OK, I say “good” but I very well could be mistaken…)
This Weeks Newly Discovered Words
breast-a-mote test: similar to the “pencil test,” this one is designed to determine the arrival of middle-age and pit-saggage. It is performed by placing a remote control under the breast and if it stays in place, you have officially “arrived.” Often accompanied by stirt and butt migration. (Thanks Bev for another fine word!)
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| Hey, don't blame me! Bev requested a diagram to go with her word. This one is all her fault! |
uses: When I was young, my Mom made me do the pencil test to decide when I was ready for my first bra, but now that I’m in my 40’s I preform the breast-a-mote test to determine when I’ve become too old to take the stupid bra off!
stirt: the extra, fleshy drape women frequently acquire around their hips and stomach with the advent of middle-age. Similar to the male’s “spare tire,” only softer. In its advanced stage, the stomach literally takes on the appearance of a mini-skirt.
uses: Imagine my surprise and sorrow on the day I realized I wasn’t tucking in my shirt, but it was actually my stirt!
butt migration: the final stage of the middle-age trifecta when your backside relentlessly migrates toward the back of your knees.
uses: I heard the metaphorical nail being pounded into the coffin of youth the day the butt migration became bad enough I had to do a backbend just to scratch my own ass!
middle-age trifecta: the three signs that a woman has officially hit her physical middle-age. Comprised of failing the breast-a-mote test, appearance of the stirt, and butt migration.
Medical Terms
Unspeakable H: hemorrhoids. Enough said.
Medmerized : the state of being so enamored with you Doc that you are willing to forgive anything and overlook repeated un-godly waits! Similar to a girl-crush or a bro-mance but applying to the patient’s view of their Doc.
uses: After the hour and a half wait just to get to the examining room, I was ready to break-up with my GI Specialist, until she walked into the room and I was again medmerized with her knowledge and skill. *sigh*
nap-attack: legitimate medical condition wherein staying awake ceases to be an option. Usually occurs after one has pushed their bod past the limits of a Greek God and the bod decides to push back. (Thanks Cindy B.!)
uses: I had intended to sit down and put my shoes on, but when I opened my eyes four hours later I realized I had experienced a severe nap-attack and slept through the entire afternoon.
If I left anyone’s words out, I’m sorry! Remind me and I’ll get them posted next week.
May your Sunday be full of laid-back laughter and lots of good friends, good food and good fun!
