Good morning! “Knock knock!” “Who’s there?” *silence…snore…silence* Yeah, that’s was me for 20 of the last 24 hours! I sat down to write yesterday’s post and…woke up to eat and go to bed. Oops! But hey, I’m wide awake now and ready to make up for lost time…
Well, it’s Sunday (at least I’m pretty sure it is) and time for more newly discovered words. (What? Did you think I was joking last week? Pfft!) You see, the sad truth is I make up discover so many new words every week, it’s gotten to the point where I NEED to write them down so I don’t forget them.
I also LOVE the fact that I don’t seem to be alone in this, since Suzanne M., Bev, and The Girl kicked in a few suggestions. If you’ve got one (or a ton) leave them in “comments” or e-mail them to me and I’ll add them to the Page I created just for this special occasion!
This week’s additions to the Dictionary of Newly Discovered Words:
SPAM-asm: the activity that occurs in the pit of your stomach and salivary glands at the mere mention of SPAM. This can either be a positive or negative response
use: When Mom said she was making SPAM for lunch, my stomach went into a Spam-asm at the thought of those awesome little sandwichs! or MY stomach has severe SPAM-asms whenever someone mentions that gelatinous mystery-meat stuff, threatening to eject the remains of my breakfast at the thought of being forced to eat it!
potty-block: behavior by another person that results in you being cut-off in an attempt to gain entry to the bathroom
use: I swear my daughter has a sixth sense about the bathroom, because anytime anyone has to “go,” she immediately screams, “I gotta pee!” as she makes a mad dash to the bathroom, potty-blocking them!
thigh sweats: similar to night sweats but far worse since it can occur anytime of the day or night and can leave embarrassing sweat circles in you clothing giving the appearance that you have just wet your pants. This is especially true on HOT days while sitting on the vinyl seats of a 1977 Oldsmobile Omega.
Kittens are AMAZING for
use: The kid in the waiting room, pointing and laughing at me, said, “Look Mommy. That lady made pee-pee in her pants,” as her Mother gave me a sad, understanding smile, knowing it wasn’t pee-pee but the much-feared thigh sweats that had caused my horrendous wet-spot.
Feline Thera-pads: see Feline Therapy(Thank you Suzanne M.)
Feline Therapy: the use of cats as heating pads to soothe tired, achy muscles, cramps of the Mommy-parts, and tension headaches. The vibrations from the purr can also be used as a form of massage
interrage: (pronounced inter-rage) the intense anger one experiences at their internet service provider when they have sold more service than their equipment can provide thus causing a "bottle-neck" effect when attempting to connect
inter-bet: when person must rise during the wee hours of the morn in an attempt to connect to the internet in hopes no one else is using the bandwidth
inter-foul: the colorful language that is inspired by an internet service provider selling more bandwidth than they can actually provide, leading to interrage and ultimately inter-bet activity. (Thanks Bev!)
sweat-to-drawer ratio: the formula for measuring the ambient humidity by how much sweat a person can wring out of their underwear and/or how quickly it dries. Units are measured in “YUCKS” (Another awesome addition inspired by Bev!)
thing/thingy: a word inserted in place of any word a person is currently unable to remember. It can be used as any form of speech and fill-in for any known word in the English language at any time…anywhere…also acceptable, thing-a-ma-jig
stuff: see thing/thingy
cane assist: using a cane for any number of different types of assistance besides that of walking. i.e. poking, prodding, tripping, reaching, whacking, clearing a path in a crowd. Also can apply to the use of a walker, crutches, or wheelchair for same purpose
use: Wal-Mart was so crowded with rude people that I was forced to use a cane assist to get to the check-out lane. or The way I see it, if people didn’t want bloody and bruised shins from my cane assist, then perhaps they should pay more attention and be more considerate!
rant-a-saurus: what a person becomes when they’ve had all they can take and vent heavily on a friend or family member
use: I was so frustrated with the situation that if I hadn’t called Karen and gone all rat-a-saurus on her, I think my head would have exploded!
Medical Mystery Club
Proudly screwing with Medical Minds
since the Dawn of Time!
Doc-blocked: similar to potty-block, only refers to a patient’s ability to Doc-hop being erroneously blocked by a third party, such as stupid Insurance provider or stupid Administrator.
Doc-hop: when a patient exercises their right to switch Docs in the event said Doc is unable to determine the problem, does not take the patient seriously, or there is simply a clash in personalities. This activity has been known to earn a patient the label “Difficult Patient.” (Although in my opinion, that’s not a bad thing!)
Medical Mystery Club: organization founded in the Mists of Time by the first patient whom the Medicine Men were unable to correctly diagnose. The only requirement for membership is the act of proclaiming one’s self a member. (The smart-ass adding this one would like it noted she wishes there were FAR LESS members!) (And by “far less” she means none.)
Ya know, the thing about this is, I do (think I) have a pretty good grasp of the English language…this is just so much more fun!