A Love-Hate Letter

  I sit before you a conflicted woman. My heart sings, it weeps, it cries out in anger then once more with peals of delight!


  You have taken me to heights I dared not dream existed, then plunged me to the depths of despair. Alone and forgotten, I wept for my apparent losses, only to find I had received more than was taken.

  I am tortured by you! My overwhelming need for you daily outweighs my desire to boldly and without regret, walk away and leave you but a fading memory.

  Why do I wait so eagerly with an insatiable hunger for the smallest show of your approval? Why do I find myself again and again peering deep into your heart of darkness, searching for some glimmer of hope that I too may be one of your favored few?

  Bitterly I have called you my necessary evil, that which my soul cannot hope to thrive without. I have cursed you, pleaded with you, spoken naught but ill. I have tried cajoling, whispering sweetly things that would make Angels blush, promising my never ending service in your name if only you will lift me up. All to no avail.

  Twitter, why must it be this way?

  To the tune of “You’re in My Heart (The Final Acclaim)” by Rod Stewart

I didn’t know just what you were
When I logged on to the page
Your stream first made me giggle
Then you made me cry out in rage

Breezing through your clientele
Looking for something that was educational
I really must confess right now
The effects I found bullshit-ible

I took all those thoughts of mine
That in the beginning were so humorous
They didn’t fit in the allotted space
Causing errors that were numerous

A silly program a child could use
Could take me to the edge of extreme
I found it hard to post a tweet
Yet you found ways to make me scream

You broke my heart
You’re sucking my soul
I need more followers
Before I’m old
I need your exposure

For my blog to grow
You’re sucking my soul

My need for you is immeasurable
My distaste for you immense
You’re pointless time spent, confusing and mindless
I think I’m too old for this shit

You’re plugged and pushed, famed far and near
You’re a tool I feel overrated
I’ve gained followers left and right
But I fear they’re all mainly automated

You broke my heart
You’re sucking my soul
I need more followers
Before I’m old
I need your exposure
For my blog to grow
You’re sucking my soul

  I stopped here because I was;

     1) doing horrible things to a beautiful song

And

     2) beginning to fear legal repercussions. (Or the suspension of my Twitter account, which is worse!)