Hi. My name is Chris. Recently, for whatever reason known only to you privileged few, you have been flooding my mailbox with adds and uber-sweet deals concerning your scooters.
Before I go any further let me first point out that I can, in fact, walk just fine with the assistance of a cane. I don not currently require the use of your product. Whoever the lying dirt-muncher was that sold you my e-mail and snail-mail addresses? You should REALLY ask for your money back!
That being said, let me further point out that as of the writing of this letter, you carry NOTHING in your store that I would be caught dead riding! I mean really guys, I didn’t see one solitary cow-catcher or flame detail in the whole catalogue!
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| Now THIS is a scooter I would buy! |
And yeah, white, royal blue, and black are all fine and dandy, but I’m looking more for something in metallic purple with hot pink flames. Not THAT would be a rockingly righteous paint job for a scooter! After all, why attempt to “blend in” when you’re gonna stick-out like a sore thumb anyway. STAND OUT loud and proud, baby!
Also, in your "accessories" I saw no mention of a sidecar. Forget about a basket for the front or a saddlebag thing for the back. Those are for the more laid-back person. I want a sidecar! I could fill it with groceries, use it as a purse I could actually find stuff in, or take a friend shopping or out to terroize the Town. (But that’s not your concern so just forget I mentioned it. Let’s just stick with filling it with groceries.)
I want the pale pink mag wheels, modified ape-hanger handlebars, crushed velvet seats, and a horn that sounds like the laugh from SAW. (And don’t forget the cow-catcher!)
Now, you build THAT scooter and ya know what? I’ll throw out the cane and you’ll have yourself a customer! Until then, PLEASE stop sending me SPAM!
Yours truly
Chris Dean.
