One Is Never Enough!

  Good morning!

  The management of this here blog thingy would like to thank you for your patience in the repeated delays of our regularly scheduled programming. The chick who writes this stuff would seem to have temporarily lost her mind, but she seems to be back on track now. (Maybe…)
  So, without further ado, welcome to Saturday folks!

  OH---MY---HOLY---GRANOLA BARS WITH RAISINS! I am so sorry I kinda ditched you guys yesterday, but I pretty much hit the mother of all manic bumps in the road and spent half the day “spazzing” before I finally climbed into some artsy-fartsy stuff to focus all my energy on.

  Today I’m much more calm and only a little left-of-centered, so I thought I’d try to make up for missing the Top Ten list by “sharing” (probably a little too much sharing) with you some of my quirky hi-jinks form the past few days.

This is me on my best behaviour!

  I swear folks, there are times I open my mouth and wonder WHY anyone ever lets me out in public! For instance, my long-suffering hubby, The Boy and I went to the feed store Thursday. On our way out, I HAD to point out these A-DOR-ABLE stuffed critters with Velcro arms wrapped around rolled-up blankets. (OK, so it was more along the lines of begging hubby for one, but that is SO not the point!)

Me: “HONNNNNNNEEEEEEYYYYYY!!!!!! LOOK! Aren’t they friggin’ adorable? I want the cow. No wait! I want the moose. No wait! I want the monkey!”
Hubby: “Uh-huh. Sure.”

Me: “No really! Because then, when I’m snuggling with my blankie I could say, ‘Ya wanna pet my monkey?’”
 
  OK, that last bit? May have been more like SCREAMED than “whispered” causing half a dozen people to turn and look at the crazy lady scream-laughing and the poor guy beside her who looked like he was desperate to find a rock to hide under. (Sorry honey!)

  Then there’s the new KFC commercial they simply will NOT STOP PLAYING! I cannot help it…I darn near fall off the couch in hysterical giggles every last time it gets its 30 seconds of glory. (Technically? They’re called Dip’ems, BUT I am in dire need of new glasses.)

Me: squinting at the TV “What the holy heck does that say!?!”
Hubby: “Dip’ems.”

Me: “Oh my GAWD! It looks like it days di’penis!”


Hubby: *insert anticipatory explicative here* “Chris, it says DIP’EMS.”

Me: “Who the heck would buy a whole bucket of chicken penises!?! That’s GROSS!”


Hubby: “Really? It says DIP-’EMS! Put your glasses on.”

Me: “I DON’T WANT TO EAT DI’PENIS!!!”

 
  Yep. Did not even THINK about what was coming out of my mouth until it was just hanging there in the air like a really noxious fart-cloud. That was about the time I started snort-laughing so hard I rolled off the couch.

  I am now banned form watching said commercial since I can’t stop myself from heckling. And I’m sorry, but with or without my glasses (did I mention I REALLY need my eyes checked?) it STILL looks like Di’penis! (And they’re slogan of “one is never enough“? HO-LY SHIZ-NIT PEOPLES!)

  So today’s moral is this; my hubby is a SAINT for putting up with me, actually going out in public with me, and I should NEVER be allowed to watch commercials. (You do not even WANT to know the stuff I yell at the TV during feminine hygiene commercials! I mean really, how DO you check your “local” PH anyway!?!)