On for the money, One for the fear,
Two for the show, Two for the grief,
Three to get ready, Three for resolve,
And four to go! And four for strength!
Traditional versus the one for an identity crisis! Or for family medical insanity. Or for a personal health tossed-salad (which really sucks, since thanks to said health glitches, you can’t even eat salad!)
Today the World is slighter bigger and hairier. I think it may even have crawled under my bed, but I’m afraid to look because it’s kinda reaching MONSTER proportions and it just might jump out and eat me! If this makes no sense to you, it’s OK. It is pretty much nonsensical…unless you’re sitting in my jammie pants. (In which case, please get out ‘cause it’s getting crowded in here. Thanks!)
You read that right. I just quit smoking. (Don’t cheer me on yet. Wait a week and if I still haven’t killed or maimed anyone, THEN you can cheer.)
I guess it would be closer to the truth to say I know who I am, it’s my place and function I’m currently struggling with. The role I play in the bigger picture is a little out of focus. It’s HOW I see myself that is amiss. And I’m thinking that is totally normal, but still a bitch to dance with. (She steps on your toes, throws your rhythm off, and keeps looking at other guys over your shoulder.)
I’m sure time to adjust and find a remaining rational brain cell to help me work this out is all I need to find my balance. But for now, this is my temporary Tilt-A-World ride.
And the reason I’m babbling about this? It did manage to dawn on me this morning that there are probably a LOT of people out there riding along with me. Last week a family going through a medical crisis stepped on and buckled in. They’re still riding it out.
Another woman with a new diagnosis and life-plan hopped aboard and grabbed hold. Actually, this one kind hopped on and is doing her damned best to wrestle the controls out of the hands of the Carnie, but that’s another story altogether!
Yesterday I saw a person handed yet another diagnosis to add to their collection of close to half a dozen other, “Tests show you have…” phone calls. They climbed on, sat down, and kinda fell over into a partial fetal position, making it damned near impossible to properly strap them in.
There are countless parents riding for their lives as they do their best to put on a brave, happy face as the Doc-directed fates of their children hang in the balance. Adult children facing new realities about their now child-like parents are on the opposite side of the platform.
I’m more than a little sure that if any of us took the split second needed to look around and see the too-numerous-to-count others riding with us, we might just take a bit of comfort from the knowing we’re not riding alone. But for the most part, we each stay focused on our individual cars.
So here’s what I’m gonna do…Me and my week’s supply of Rainbow Twizzlers (they’re low fat and I have an oral fixation. Don’t judge!) are gonna stand up on our seat, all wobbly and jelly-legged, and do a combo primal scream-insane laugh-Banshee keen to turn the heads of everyone else on this stupid ride. That way? If it’s even for the tiniest of moments, we’ll all see each other and hopefully draw a bit of strength from our numbers. Also? If the motion makes me fall on my ass, it’ll probably bring a touch of much-needed humor to the day! (I’m willing to risk personal injury just to share a laugh. I’m just a giver like that!)
So there it is…welcome aboard, strap in tight, hold a hand if you’re scared, and we’ll do what we can to make the most of the ride! (And color me selfish…but thanks for the company!)
