Wanna Play Find The Cannoli?

  Good morning! Can someone please hold me? Yes, I’m traumatized AGAIN! I had a mission. A simple enough task, its completion to bring a small smile of happiness to the face of my sick offspring. One teeny, tiny little thing. And I FAILED!

  The Girl is sick. Blistery throat, low grade fever…for any mere mortal, it would be an annoyance, but for the child who delighted in telling people, “I’m named after a Goddess. I AM a Goddess!” (Yeah. No self esteem issues with THIS one!) an otherwise annoying sore throat becomes an earth-shattering emergency of epic proportions. (EPIC, I say!)
  And the bestest part? She hates to suffer alone (or in silence) so she seemingly delights in spreading the misery and woe. (There have been days in the last 19 years when I seriously considered using a screwdriver to put my ears out of their misery!)

Side Note:

She doesn’t feel good enough to read this, so I’m completely safe for the moment. If you don’t hear from me in the next few days, you’ll know she found it and I’m either dead or in the Insensitive Mother Protection Program.

That is the face that says, "As soon as I feel better, you're
in BIG trouble!"

  So, to ease my sad girl-child’s suffering, I was tasked with procuring a container of the latest ice cream flavor she’d seen on the internet, Ben & Jerry’s Cannoli. (Thanks a LOT! Stupid internet.) So off Mommy went, keys and cash in hand and the desire to please my Princess in my heart.

  Now, first off let me tell ya…we live in the biggest Small Town you could imagine. We have five different grocery store chains represented here, with the big three (Wal-Mart, Kroger’s, and Marsh) all present and accounted for. On this day and this day alone, I sincerely wished I was back in Indy, the 14^th largest city in the US. Maybe THEN I could have found the blankety-blankin’ ice cream!

  To the first store I went. Then on to the next…by the time I gave up, I had looked in approximately four grocery stores, three drug stores, and three or four gas stations! I GIVE UP!!!!

The Girl:

*deep sigh with giant puppy-dog eyes* “So you went EVERYWHERE?”
Me: “Umm…close enough. Did you know Kroger’s appears to be closing out their inventory on Ben & Jerry’s? It’s all on clearance, so I got four different flavors. Look at this one…”
The Girl: “But you’ve been EVERYWHERE?”
Me: *trembling in mounting fear* “Look at this one…caramel AND chocolate chunks!”
The Girl: *giving me THE LOOK* “Mom…” *bottom lip begins to protrude and quiver*
Me: *head hung low* “Marsh was on the OPPOSITE side of town. I’ll try again tomorrow.”
  She gave me the boo-boo face of childhood disappointment. How the heck-y does she manage to do that anyway? She’s 19 flippin’ years old! Most of the time she acts WAY older and more mature than me…until she gets sick. It’s like a one degree fever triggers a Jeckel-Hyde response, morphing her back into a pout-y five year old who has me wrapped around her finger. (Even if it is out of a desire to shut her up! It still counts.)

  So today, as well as fetching more movies to keep her distracted, I shall visit the FINAL grocery store in town and pray, nay BEG the Ice Cream Gods to let Marsh please carry Cannoli flavored ice cream!

  And can I just say it one more time (without the foul language I’ve used the last 100 times), Mr. Ben and Mr. Jerry, thank you SO FLIPPIN’ MUCH!

PS Dear Ben & Jerry’s rep whop may or may not be reading this and trying to decide whether or not to sue me for sort of trash talkin’ your distributing practices. I’ll print a full retraction if you’ll overnight me a case of Cannoli flavored ice cream to cover my mental anguish, pain and suffering. Deal?