Sclero-Huh?

 Yesterday I promised a blurb about Scleroderma. And I’m betting you noticed I didn’t write it. Instead, I “unplugged” from the computer and spent the day lost in thought instead.

 I had the word program opened on my notebook….but nothing “came” to me. I mean, should I write a “technical” piece, quoting sources with footnotes and such? Should I make a weird attempt at finding humor in pretty much a humorless disease? I thought long and hard about writing something along the lines of “What Scleroderma Means For Me.” But…the truth is…I don’t know what it means for me! Other than uncertainty. (And that's pretty much a Universal state of life for everyone!)

 So, I spent the day avoiding the computer, stitching on a craft project, and watching movies with my daughter. (A VERY nice way to spend the day…)

  And then it hit me! Sclero is like any other autoimmune disease. There may be one or two sets of “diagnostic symptoms,” but the disease itself differs from person to person, no two experiencing it the same way. So the only true statement I really could make, for me (and everyone else) I'd already made...Sclero is a life of uncertainty.

 Of course, there are a few givens. Such as, Sclero is what happens when your immune system, for one reason or another, goes hay-wire and begins attacking your body via the collagen. (It just LOVES to make collagen!) The list of things this can cause is seemingly inexhaustive…the skin on your hands and face can tighten and harden. Your muscles can loose their elasticity, causing problems with weakness and mobility. Your vascular system can loose it’s elasticity causing several different types of hypertension. This hypertension can then lead to kidney failure, loss of motility in your throat and colon, pulmonary problems, or heart failure.

 Visually, the excess collagen can cause other problems, such as your hair can fall out. You can develop areas where you no longer produce pigment leaving white spots. Conversely, you can develop areas where you produce too much pigment, developing abnormally dark spots. The attacks on your muscles and tendons can cause “sclerodactyly” where your fingers curl into your hands like claws. And, of course, the vascular constriction can cause your toes and finger to turn white and cold from lack of blood…Raynaud’s.
There are TONS of other problems I’ve read about associated with Sclero but, like most people with autoimmunes, I don’t have many of them…yet.

 Another thing I can tell you is when I first heard the word, I ran (OK, waddled…but it was a quick waddle!) home and read three books, one right after the other! The first one, “What Is Scleroderma” by Janet Wilson was…at best a waste of money. It was extremely repetitive and hard to follow, as if it was a literal translation from another language. The information it did give seemed to pertain mainly to skin involvement without going into any detain about the other forms the disease can take.

 The next book I read, “Voices Of Scleroderma Volume 3” by the International Scleroderma Network, actually scared the snikies out of me! Not that it was a “bad book”…on the contrary, it was a beautiful book. It was filled with great info and personal accounts from patients, caregivers, and survivors. What scared me was the “In Remembrance” chapter. What I gleaned from reading it was the #1 cause of many of the deaths was mistreatment of complications by Docs who didn’t know how to treat Sclero.

 In retrospect, I should have read “The Scleroderma Book: A Guide for Patients and Families” by Maureen D. Mayes, M.D. first. It is an awesomely informative book with EVERYTHING you ever want to know about Scleroderma packed into the pages. Reading this book removed a lot of the fear and confusion for me, helping my brain get to a place where it could think its way through it. This book should without a doubt, be the first book a newly diagnosed person reads! It’s also a perfect book for anyone who is living with Sclero, whether a long-time survivor or family and caregivers. After you’ve read this one, then go back to read “Voices of Scleroderma.”

 This isn’t exactly what I set out to write…but it’s a good start! I mentioned before that I would love to be one of the people that write the blogs that educate an inspire people to do great things and further awareness and understanding. But…how about I just take a cue from one of my favorite blogs, “Crippie’s Corner” and simply include a Sclero fact a day? I think my attention span can maintain a certain level of seriousness long enough for that!

It's Good To Be A Goose!

 A new friend challenged me yesterday to start every morning with a list of "things I love about today." Her argument is happy and positive thoughts are contagious, and they set the mood for the rest of the day. Can’t say I disagree with her reasoning…So here is my list for the day!

 Today I love...spending time with my family, reading a good book, texting with friends I miss, getting messages from new friends, watching my birds do crazy birdy things, and eating food that's good for me!

 All in all, not a bad way to start the day! If you’d like to leave a “comment” I’d LOVE a list of the things you love about today!

 OK…now, I’ve got something else kinda bugging me…another new friend, Cassandra, was awesome enough to link her page to my blog. In her description she mentioned that people could learn more about Scleroderma…and I had a minor epiphany. Denial is NOT just a river in Egypt!

 I realized I have been living in that “zone” that I went to when my Mother was diagnosed with terminal colon cancer…It’s not that you’re exactly in denial about the situation, it’s just that it doesn’t feel real. Like you’re watching a movie or reading a book about someone else’s life. (I’m sure there’s a psychological term for it, but I’m too darned lazy to look it up! *grin*)

 So…starting tomorrow (Hey…I’m a born procrastinator. Give me a break!) I’ll post something once a week about what the heck is wrong with me! Trust me…it’s not that I want to shove my illness down anyone’s throat, but knowledge is power and there's even greater power in sharing knowledge with others. And in reality, all autoimmunes are kinda like distant cousins at a family reunion. After all, our bodies seem to have gotten bored with waiting around for the next flu or cold and turned their overactive sense of destruction on us!

 I PROMISE it won’t get too in-depth, boring or technical…after all, my attention span and sense of humor couldn’t possibly maintain that level of adult-like behavior long enough to write it.

 So…today, before I attempt to be serious for a day (HA!) I’ll finish up with the top ten reasons it would be good to be a goose!

 1) This one is just TOO obvious! You can poo where ever and when ever you feel like it! Yep, no signs of constipation here! (Lucky buggers…)

 2) You can raise all the noisy-stink you want to and people think it’s cute! After all, aren’t there a million cd’s of soothing bird calls…(OK, maybe the cd’s don’t involve geese, because they ARE a noisy bunch…but it was worth a try!)

Chicken, duck, and goose eggs.
These things are HUGE (and yummy)!

 3) You can make a three-egg omelet out of just one of your eggs! I mean, have you seen the size of these things! They’re HUGE! (Please don’t point out that geese neither cook nor eat omelets…it’s one of THOSE mornings and I’m on a roll!)

 4) No shoes! (Need I say more?) Geese get to run around barefoot all day and no one ever fusses at them! Oh…to dream the impossible dream…

 5) They NEVER have to worry about laundry. They get dirty, they climb in the pool, wash off and go. Their feathers get worn out, they molt, get a hot new seasonal look, and go!

Don't you wish bathing was this
much fun?

 6) They get to play in the mud all they want and no one ever yells at them for getting dirty and they never have to worry about germs!

 7) Geese don’t sleep like other birds…they play, nap for an hour, then they’re on the go again…all day AND all night! So….they OBVIOUSLY NEVER deal with INSOMNIA! How lucky a bunch are they!?!

 8) (I have to include this one because we are currently OVERRUN with cats who believe it is their God-given right to lounge on the keyboard when I’m attempting to type!) Cat’s don’t bother you because you’re HUGE! Have you ever seen a cat chase a goose? Nope! But I have seen a goose chase a cat! (And a dog…and a raccoon…and the poor guy who reads our meters...)

9) Geese never have to clean their room! If it gets too messy (insert poopy) they just move to a new spot. Give it a week or a good rain, and the old spot is good as new! (That would be such a time-saver when it came to cleaning!)

 And my #1 favorite reason it would be good to be a goose….(drumroll please)

 10) Geese don’t get autoimmune diseases! I’ve read four or five books (ya loose count after a while) about geese, and of all the health problems that they could face…there is no reported evidence they EVER get an autoimmune disease of any type….LUCKY GEESE!

"I'm king of the World!"

 Here’s hoping your day is filled with geese and laughter!

Look Ma, I'm Sharing Again!

 Wow! Good afternoon world! I wasn’t too sure I was gonna make a post today…woke up with a borderline migraine. So…you take the migraine med, you take the pain meds to help until the other kicks in. Then you take the vertigo pill because the world is currently approximately 45 degrees off its axis. Then you have to take the nausea meds because the pain and migraine meds cause severe nausea. Then…well, by then you’ve forgotten you even have a head, much less a migraine-in-the-making!

 Ah…the fun of the med-go-round.

 So, here are some of the awesome and inspirational sites I ran across this week!

This is Cassandra! An amazing
young woman you need to
check out!

 First up is an amazing young woman I met on FaceBook. "Cassandra’s Journey With Juvenile Dermatomyositis & Juvenile Arthritis" is truly inspritational. Cassandra is 13 years old and already one heck of a trooper! She puts herself out there to raise awareness for Juvenile Arthritis with just the right mix of realism and optimism. Through her page she share updates on research and treatment, positive thoughts, and updates from the “Buckle Me Up” International Autoimmune Arthritis Movement."

 This week Crippie from "Crippis’s Corner” had a fun post called “Crippie Rolls Down Memory Lane” where she shares her memories of crippie-friendly dolls. I had no idea Mattel ever put out a Barbie Doll in a wheelchair! (Oh, and just for the record…I am SO getting the Zombie doll!)

 Next, we have a wonderful piece from Maria at “Going Down Swinging.” It’s called  "4 Life Lessons Coaching Girls’ Basketball Taught Me.” Her writing is eloquent, peaceful, and uplifting. This is another must-read!

 I love reading Caf at “Rellacafa.” She’s a fun and thoughtful young lady from Australia who answers letters with wonderful words of wisdom and encouragement. Her posts are always a great way to start the day!

 Last but definitely not least, Shruti at “Lifestyles of the Ill and (Mostly) Blameless” writes an amazing article entitled “Painkillers Can’t Relieve The Pain Of Painkiller Stigma.” In it she discusses the media’s portrayal of the illegal use of prescription painkillers and the impact it has on real life pain patients. Not only has it made it harder for many of us to obtain the meds we need, but it also has created a social stigma that sometimes hurts almost as bad as the physical symptoms!

 Well…there you have it. These are but a few of the good finds I tripped across this week! I hope you can find the time to give them a peek and find something both educational and enjoyable!

Trade-Offs And Pay-Offs

 60 degrees! 60 DEGREES! It’s the last day of February and it’s flippin 60 degrees outside! Ya gotta love it! The rain has even stopped for now and the Sun is shining!

 Happy World Rare Disease Day 2012! I swear, if I had a good internet provider, I’d spend the day on-line streaming everything just to see what’s actually happening outside of my isolated corner of the world! I’ve never been much of a joiner, but sometimes it’s a good thing to know you’re not alone…that there are people all over the planet that live with the same aches, pains, and challenges…to see how they can inspire you…*sigh*

Pearl, my homicidal gander.

 Speaking of inspiration, there are several AMAZING photographers I’ve been “following” on-line…and they inspired me to start carrying my sad, little digital camera around with me. What I’ve managed to produce is the most incredible batch of blurs! No matter how fast those things shoot…they DO NOT shoot fast enough to accommodate for the shakes!

Aidan's pic!

 Maybe I should just go with it! It could be my trademark…beautiful blurs and swirls of color. I could tell people I was doing it on purpose, a kind of commentary on how the world and life around us moves so fast, that’s it all a blur!

 The Critics would eat it up and talk about how much of a visionary I am! My work would be displayed in the finest galleries and slapped on magazine covers and Coke cans! I’d be famous…and all because my hands shimmy and shake more than Tina Turner’s hips ever did!

Mother, peral's mate...equally as homicidal!

 OK…I’m back from Fantasy Land now. *grin* It’s such a small thing. I can’t use a digital camera…so what? In the grand scheme of things, it’s completely inconsequential. But…sometimes when you spend your days accepting the bigger things that are now part of your past, it’s the little things that drive home the fact that things are different now.

 So, you find ways around. For instance, I may not be able to take a decent picture, but my youngest son…he’s got a GREAT eye! And, had he not been taking the pics I couldn’t, I may never have found that out. Which just goes to show…sometimes the trade-offs have unsuspected, wonderful pay-offs!

Aidan's pic...I LOVE this one!

Dark Gift

 It’s a little after 4:00 Am and, as is becoming my new “norm,” I’ve been up for almost an hour. And quiet hours quickly get filled with thoughts…

 As I sat here this morning sifting through the mountain of stuff in the various and sundry in-boxes of my “social networking” it dawned on me just how much has changed in the last year. How much and, honestly, how quickly…

 My mind keeps wandering back to a passage from “Dancing At The River’s Edge” by Alida Brill and Michael D. Lockshin, M.D. In the book, Ms. Brill talks repeatedly about the fact that we (those living with chronic illness) move in different Worlds from those inhabited by the “healthy people.” She writes of how we speak our own language, keep time differently, and gauge our accomplishments differently. I remember reading this and thinking it made perfect sense. But I don’t think I fully understood what she meant until the all-too-early hours of this morning.

 In the last month, I have noticed fewer and fewer comments, messages, and “likes” from my friends from my “former” life. There have been fewer announcements about “get togethers” and whose band is playing where…These announcements have been replaced by news bits about “Awareness Days” or “Tips For Beating Fibro Fog.” There are new “friend requests” involving tag-lines of “Spoonie” or “Chronic Illness.”

 My inbox is still filled with the normal joys of a daughter’s first softball game, the excitement of attending a first Formal Dance, and a husband competing in a “mud crawl.” But these “normal” announcements are in a new context…The joy of not only watching her daughter play in her first game, but BEING ABLE to be there and watch! The excitement of attending her first Formal becomes something more when you realize this is a 13 year old battling Juvenile Arthritis and the pictures are interspersed with pictures of her infusion treatment. The laughter at trying to figure out exactly what a mud crawl is also brings a smile of pride, since he’ll be competing wearing a Fibromyalgia Awareness T-shirt with hundreds of names on it…one of them yours!

 This will sound REALLY odd, but becoming sick has opened doors to a whole different world for me…I won’t necessarily tell ya the ride is worth the price of admission…not sure anyone would really claim that. But I will claim that this new chapter has been its own dark gift. In the last year, my eyes have been opened to so much that, as a “healthy person” I never had the time to see. (OK, never took the time to see.) The books I’ve read, the people I’ve “met”, the different Realms that exist inside this strange, New World I’ve passed into…these are things I probably never would have learned of from the other side of the border.

 And yes…I did refer to this new life as a dark gift. I think it would be a strange person who would want what so many of us live with, yet it‘s given me opportunities I may never have taken. I’ve learned so much about all the “amazing” ways a body can turn on itself…and all the ways the human spirit can rise up to meet those challenges! I’ve stumbled across the sadder folks who are stuck on the anger, and I‘ve encountered even more who have chosen to greet each day with joy and hope. These latter are the ones I gravitate towards…emotions are contagious, and I’d much rather catch “hopeful joy”…

 And even the “darkness” has been it’s own opportunity to truly appreciate the light in my life. I can tell you, I never TRULY appreciated how good it felt to wake up every morning until I began waking up feeling like a bad batch of taffy!

 Before, caught-up in the day-to-day work, family, bills, etc. etc…I never gave myself a breather to step back and be grateful for all I have in my life! Like most, it was the stress and worry that drew my focus.

 Now…I spend most mornings watching the sunrise, completely amazed at it’s constant beauty. I take the time to not just talk to the kids, but talk with them. I understand just how lucky I am to have a loving, supportive partner…And that may be the biggest gift I’ve been given…gratitude…for every day!

How To Be A "Fox Mulder"

 “Knowledge is power!” “Reading Is Fundamental!” “The more you know, the more you grow!”

 Boy…I guess those Saturday morning PSA’s sandwiched in the middle of my cartoons DID work, because years later, I STILL remember them! (Along with the words to most of the Schoolhouse Rocks series…*grin*)

 And ya know…they were right! Since all this started a year ago, I have read more non-fiction than in the last 20 years combined. And it HAS empowered me! Reading has helped me realize that Docs aren’t the Gods I used to believe they were…the “unquestionable” beings I was raised to place total and perfect trust in.

 Reading has saved me months of painful suffering. (“Hey, ya wanna check my flippin’ gallbladder?” “Hey, have ya thought about trying Neurontin?” ) Reading has also helped me realize that my health is ultimately in my hands…my responsibility…my RIGHT! Two books that have helped immensely in that education are “How Doctors Think” by Dr. Jerome Groopman and “The Empowered Patient” by Elizabeth S. Cohen.

By Jerome Groopman

 “How Doctors Think” was a complete eye opener! The fact that it was written by a Doctor only added to the “Really!?!” factor. Dr. Groopman interviewed countless Docs and Technicians as well as patients, to come to the conclusions he presents in hopes of helping current and future patients avoid the pitfalls of miscommunication, misdiagnosis, and unneeded suffering. He explains the system that fosters too little time spent in the examination room, pushing unnecessary meds, and pigeon-holing patients with labels that follow them from Specialist to Specialist.

 The book opens with the recounting of one woman’s 15 year (Yep, I said 15!) ride on the healthcare merry-go-round that almost cost her her life! If not for one Doc who threw out all the opinions of previous Specialists and thought “outside the box,” she probably would have ended up dying. (Comforting thought!)

 This book is an excellent resource for figuring out which buzz-words will break the set pattern of the modern-day Q&A examination, when to find a new Doc, and how to force a Doc to listen. I can’t recommend it highly enough for anyone forced to deal with Docs on a regular basis! (Or even if you only deal with them once a year…)

 “The Empowered Patient” is another one I can not recommend enough! (And I’m only half-way through it at this point!) Ya gotta know when the first chapter is titled “How To Be A Bad Patient” it’s going to be a fun ride! This book is fun to read, in plain and simple English, and packed full of good info!

 Ms. Cohen covers several points that were covered in Dr. Groopman’s book, but from the patient’s point of view. There are worksheets and websites included to help you be as prepared as any Boyscout for any eventuality that could befall you during your Doc visit odyssey! This book has already inspired me to reorganize my mobile-file-folder of Medical Records to make it easier to navigate during visits. (The mobile-file-folder was a tip I picked up from Dr. Groopman, by the way!)

 I can almost guarantee that reading these two books will turn you int the Fox Mulder of the Medical World…trust no one and question everything! (I'm such a geek!)

 Now that I’ve done my part to promote Medical Dissonance, I’ll just finish by saying I hope you find these two books as eye-opening and down-right enjoyable to read as I did!

Ponderings Of A Spaz

 OOOohhhh another morning of seeing 3:00AM from the wrong end of the sleep cycle! I foresee much slap-happy behavior in my future! But, on the up side, I actually got a nice soak in the tub, including clear-cutting the forest that used to be my legs! And I managed it all without ANYONE banging on the door or screaming my name! (Score 1 for the clean woman at the keyboard!)

 This morning, through the fogginess of already desiring a nap, I’ve been wondering…how do other people “deal with” their chronic illnesses? Do you embrace it? Do you do your best to hide it and ignore it? Do you wear shirts that say, “Ask me about (fill in the blank)!” Do some people go through a “born again” phase where they’re door-to-door Preachers for Awareness?

 Have you come to a place where you’re just like, “OK, it’s there. So what?” Or, do you join all the on-line support groups and chat rooms where there are others who understand you?

 Is there a happy medium?

 Or is the odd world we move through broken down into strata like exposed rock on a cliff? You’ve got your Advocacy and Awareness Warriors. You’ve got your basic “I need to mother people” generous souls. You’ve got the fanatics that are bound and determined the entire WORLD will know the name of (fill in the blank). Then there are the fairly quiet group of “let’s keep it invisible and just blend in”.

 And, of course, there’s the group that drives me the farthest up a wall…the victims. The “why me’s” and the “it’s not fair’s”. (Yes, I know people go through these stages. It’s normal and healthy…but sometimes people get STUCK! Those are the people I'm referring to here.) (No hate mail about this one, please. *grin*)

 In my humble opinion…I think being diagnosed, especially after an extended time of already being ill, creates it’s own “phases” of comfort. And I would hazard to say that the longer it takes to receive a definitive diagnosis, the deeper in people dive!

 Phase one would have to be the “Born Again” phase, when you want to tell EVERYONE there’s actually a name to what’s funkin‘-up your groove. You wear the T-shirts and the bracelets. Perhaps you join every group and e-list on the wide world of webs. You don’t just jump in feet first, you dive in like a pro! (OK, yes…I see a SLIGHT similarity there…Ssshhhh!)

 Phase two hits and you mellow a bit. If someone asks, you’ll tell then all about your illness, but the bracelets kept getting caught on everything and the T-shirts have been retired to the bottom of the drawer. You hit the computer and check the lists and pages once a day, if there’s time, but you no longer read and reply to EVERY post…only the people you’ve come to feel close to.

 Phase three can go one of two ways…I think if you’re a more “mothering” soul then you become the understanding “voice” on the lists that saves their advice and “reply” button for the newbies that are just hitting Phase one. You kindness helps steer them in the right direction. Your soothing words helps them find their way a bit quicker to that place of peace where you acknowledge it’s part of your life, but no longer IS your life.

 Phase three could also take you to the place where you can say, “Yep, I live with it.” but that is ALL you wanna say about it. You’re the one who refuses to “act” sick in any way. You are the very definition of living your life DESPITE chronic illness. You are the ones who have found their peace and signed the “mutual habitation” treaties with your disease. (I think you’re also the ones I envy most.)

 As the sun begins to rise and the time to waddle outside and “release the birds” draws close, I’m just left wondering which way I‘ll go with all this…is there any hope for a spaz like me? *grin*

Sharing Is Caring!

 Good morning!

 I figure that lately I’ve been stuck in a rut…it happens! You get side-swiped by something that knocks you into the ditch…and you spin your wheels for a while before you notice you just ain’t goin’ nowhere!

 Yeah, well…the last week my attepts at humor have began to border on whining…(Oops! Sorry!) So…enough about me already!

 Last night I FINALLY caught up on my “blog reading” and found several that were too good not to share.

http://agirlwithguts.tumblr.com/post/18045124406/how-chronic-disease-affects-the-whole-family

 Sara Ringer (A Girl With Guts) at Inflamed And Untamed writes an excellent article about the many ways chronic illness can effect your entire family and the also how the guilt and pressures this produces on your part effect you. I swear, this woman is a force of Nature! It’s no wonder she was recognized by the WEGOhealth Health Activist Awards!
http://www.diseaseonmysleeve.org/ 

 Disease On My Sleeve This is an amazing site just for the fact that it’s run by and for teens. It’s real and raw, but positive, informative and supportive! (I can’t help it, I love seeing the younger crowd being proactive!)

http://www.ohmyachesandpains.info/2012/02/can-you-help-me-get-through-hep-c.html

 Selena at Oh My Aches & Pains! is a big-hearted, caring, fun woman who is getting ready to start a potentially difficult round of treatment for her Hepatitis C. She is asking friends, fans, and anyone with a kind and generous heart to commit to helping her make it through the 168 day treatment, one day at a time!

http://www.prefontaine44.blogspot.com/2012/02/my-mindbodygreen-post-4-benefits-to.html

Going Down Swinging: A RSD/CRPS Blog "4 Benefits To Being Imperfect” is a wonderful little reminder that it is so much more rewarding to stop fighting Perfectionism, and instead find joy in who we are…imperfections and all!

...And last, but oh, so NOT least, a woman who appears to be just as crazy as I am! I adore her bawdy wit. (Warning: For the more discerning readers, there is foul language involved.) Besides, what's not to like about someone who is a reaccuring Comic Book character and owner of a fine, stuffed weasel!
The Bloggess...need I say more?

 So, there you have it! Maybe some "Old Friends" you already follow, maybe a few new ones to discover! I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

Misspellings And Inquiring Minds

 “Holy monkey-meat, Batman! Looks like she’s winding up for another rant…I think she’s gonna blow!”

 “Quick, Robin! To the Batcave!”

 (insert uncontrollable laughter here)  No…really…I’m not gonna rant again. Promise! I just have a question I’ve been rolling around in my head like the mud balls my Mom used to yell at me to put down and go wash my hands. (I just haven’t figured out how to “put it down” and go wash my brain yet…)

My daughter and I made our own
Awareness Bracelts. Good fun and
therapy!

 How do you know when you need to go to the Docs? How do you figure out when you’re actually “sick” in the everyday way, when it’s a new symptom, or just something to ignore and wait for it to go away? (Keep in mind, I’m still new to this “illness” thing!)

 Sunday I woke up with these “things” under my jaw…me thinks they’re my saliva glands, but I suppose they could be lymph nodes. Any-who…Monday I called the Doc, since they were still the size of jawbreakers and not so painful that Vicodin couldn’t make me forget about them, but still annoyingly making their presence known. I was informed they could “squeeze me in” in four days’ time…

 Now I know I’m NOT the only sick person in town (the news is full of some new virus currently sweeping the State) but…four days? I politely told the nice lady, “No thanks.” Then sat down to wonder…is this REALLY something I need to worry about? Should I call the Rheumy and tell her all about it, especially since she suspects an overlap of Sjogren's? Or am I being a “Chicken Little” and worrying about nothing?

 My body has also begun this annoying habit of playing with the thermostat. I get the chills (temp was 97.4) then I turn around and spike a fever of a degree or so. Combine that with the fact that my blood pressure has begun spiking in the evenings…(WTF?) Of course, none of these are things that hang around for long (except the jawbreakers under my chin) so they’d never show up at an appointment…

 Yes, I’m keeping a journal of all this weirdness…but should I call? Is it worth the hassle of harassing someone until I get an appointment…just to read them a hand-written account of systemic-acrobatics? Inquiring minds want to know!

 I tell you what…this being sick crap is stressful! There’s just so much to think about and figure out…too much responsibility! “Excuse me, sir. Is it too late to take that other road? You know…the one everyone travels? I think I’ve changed my mind about this whole “character building” angle…”

Got Spoos?

 Just to switch gears to a less complicated note…I discovered that, as long as I go slow and hold it at eye level (an inch away from the tip of my nose) I can still cross stitch! Score 1 for the crafter! So…since I have this pathological need to personalize EVERYTHING I own, I had this brilliant idea to stitch an Awareness Ribbon with a spoon (who doesn’t LOVE “The Spoon Theory”?) onto a new hoodie. Remember, I AM the Hoodie Queen!

 Drew up the pattern…no problem! Stitched it on the hoodie…no problem! If I do say so myself, it looked awesome! I was so proud…*sniff* Showed it my daughter for appropriate props from the offspring at their Mother’s mad thread skills…”Hey Mom, didn’t you mean for it to say “Spoons”?” (Slowly turn my masterpiece to face me) Damn it! Under my beautiful ribbon it reads, “Got Spoos?”

I even misspelled the pattern!

 Hello brain fog, you illiterate idiot! I guess from now on, my patterns are gonna require proof-reading. *sigh*

Phases of Functionality

 Today it is raining where I’m at…and COLD!

 Every joint and bone in my body just HAD to find a way to say, “Good morning!” today….But, I’m feeling a darned site better than yesterday…so far. *grin*

 I often wonder, how many others have the “daily phases” of functionality. Or, is it just me?

 Phase 1) You wake up and (after a pot or so of coffee) feel GREAT mentally, but your body is still in it’s uncooperative state.

 Phase 2) You body FINALLY decides to get with the program and you have a good couple of hours when you’re FULLY functional and can get the chores and errands done.

Phase 3) You’re undecided about your body’s willingness to keep up, because your brain has decided it’s OBVIOUSLY nap time…let the “fog” commence!

 Phase 4) OK…you’re awake now, but the body is on the fritz.

 Phase 5) Hello pain! I was hoping you’d forget what time it was, but I see your watch is set on “let’s-kick-Chris’-ass” time. *sigh*

 Phase 6) Forget the fact that it’s only 9:00 PM, it’s bedtime since brain and body both have decided they’re falling asleep, with or without your consent!

 Yep…I get about two or three hours a day of firing on all cylinders…and you just KNOW it’s never the time slot when I need it most! But…that’s just life. So, you push yourself when you need to and hit the couch when you can. And when getting out-and-about is unavoidable during Phase 3, wwwwweeeelllllll…THAT’S when you’re in Wal-Mart doing you’re best zombie impression, making salespeople and small children nervous. ESPECIALLY if you neglected the make-up for the day! (Those are also the times when me hubby cracks the jokes about putting a beeper or leash on me, since I tend to start wondering aimlessly about!)

 It’s comical…he doesn’t really understand exactly what’s going on with my body (Over a month of 12 hour shifts 5 days a week, and 8 hour shifts on the weekends will do that to a guy.) But, he has added the phrase, “Are you lost in the fog again?” to his vocabulary. *grin*

 Since I appear to be approaching Phase 2, I should probably get a move on with the household chores…(Why does everyone think clean clothes are a good idea? I keep pushing the idea of joining a Nudist Colony, but they’re not buying it!)

 May you all find yourselves in the middle of a day that ONLY consists of Phase 2!

I Think I Had A Point, But Lost It!

 Last night my daughter and I took hubby his lunch. On the way, we were laughing so hard I thought I was gonna wet my pants!

 We had started by discussing upcoming Doc appointments, then I ended up describing an EMG (Electromyoghraphy) to her… ”They take this thing that looks like what you stick in a turkey to make sure it’s done, only this one has wires attached. They stick it in your muscle then zap you. Good times!” After that, the conversation devolved to means of torturing patients and ways of making us “talk”…

 Do you ever wonder who came up with these things? “Hey, John, I had an idea. Wouldn’t it be fun if we (fill in the blank) and we can pass it off as a “needed” test and charge out-the-ass for it!”

 “Tom, that’ll NEVER work! No one’s that gullible. I mean, who the hell would pay money to be  

  A) stuck with pins and shot with a jolt of electricity?

  B) injected with radioactive isotopes?

  C) repeatedly bombarded with radiation?

  D) eat barium while we pelt them with radiation?

  E) lay in a tiny, NOISEY tube while we pass magnetic waves through them?

  F) have hot and cold air shot in their ears, then see just how dizzy we can make them?

  G) covered in wires, put on a treadmill and see if we can induce heart palpitations?

  H) shut in a small, plastic box and forced to blow into a tube until they pass out?  You’re mad!”

 Modern medicine…but still, it’s better than being covered in leeches, bled repeatedly, or having holes drilled in your head. All in all, it’s worth it! It just makes you think…I’ve seen TONS of Frankenstein movies…and isn’t that how the Mad Doc reanimated the Monster? Stuck pins all over his body, then shot him with electricity? I wonder if the Technician that administers my test the 28^th would find humor in that observation. (Not like I’ll remember to ask by then! *grin*)

 On the flip side, it is an amazing thing, how many leaps and bounds they’ve made in the World of Medicine. They can look at the tiniest parts that make up our blood and know what’s making us sick. They can look at the fuzziest, black and white images and see holes or disease in our brains. They can watch us walk or bend and twist and know what parts or our nervous system have gone haywire and why. (In my case) They can look at your face and know by the way the skin subtly pulls a certain way at the corners of your mouth what is attacking your body.  The amount of knowledge locked inside the heads of these guys is staggering!

 Maybe that’s why I get so worked up over the ones who hang out their shingle, take in the trust of patients who blindly hand over the safe-keeping of their health to them…and they are incompetent! The ones who have succumbed to the monotony of a steady flow of nameless, faceless people needing their help. These are the Docs that give the good ones a bad name! These are the Docs that create patients like me who end up looking at all of them with guarded distrust.

 I understand the pressures put on them…the amount of people they are forced to see in a day…but they chose their profession. They chose their Specialty. They chose to be the ones we turn to for help and understanding. They should also choose to pay attention and care…

 OK, sorry about that! I’ll step down off the soapbox now…(tripping on the way down…)

 Still, I have a hard time in this era of on-line patient surveys, leaving negative comments. I like to give them the benefit of the doubt that I was the one who slipped through. Maybe they were having an “off” day and were too tired to read the tests themselves, putting confidence in an incompetent Tech. After all, we’re ALL human, even the Docs…(Damn it! I thought I’d gotten off the box…)

 I have no idea how to end today’s disjointed rant…so I’ll fake my way through making a point. (nervous giggle and thinking real HARD) This is why it’s so important to be actively involved in your diagnosis and care. This is why it’s important to know your own body…Because Docs are like car mechanics. (No, that’s not good…) Because Docs are like Theoretical Physicists. (Geeze! That one’s even worse!) Ok…Ok…I think I got it now…Because, in the end, we’re all responsible for our own health and treatments and understanding the "whats" and "whys" of the tests and their results. (Maybe…OK, good enough!)

Demented Trip To "Bright Side"

 Good morning! Another day, another chance to get off the couch…*grin*

  I spent much of yesterday playing the “look on the bright side” game and I came up with some good ones!

  1) I’ll never have to worry about wanting a face-lift! The way the skin on my face has “tightened-up” has     already erased many of the signs of age that kinda freaked me out last year…as the minute amount of Cherokee blood in me made its presence known, my cheeks had started they’re slide off my face and I had developed what my Mom and Grandma called the “turkey gobbler” under my chin. GONE!

  2) Raynaud’s can be handy. Pulled muscle? Achy shoulders? Thumping headache? No problem! When your hands are constantly ice-cold, you can use them as an icepack! If you’re in the car, you can hold them against the cold window to re-chill when they warm up. (No joke! I’ve done this more than a few times. *grin*)

  3) I finally have something that will FORCE me to quit smoking! Yes, I am a “stress” smoker and this IS a massively stressful time, but…I seem to have noticed that breathing is not optional after all!

  4) I have maintained my titles of “Out of the Ordinary” and “Nothing’s Every Easy.” I couldn’t have something “main-stream” that people have heard of like Lupus or MS (previous "possible" diagnosises)…Nope, I gotta go for the “What’s that?” chronic illness.

  5) I’ll probably end up being healthier than most “Healthy People” since all my internals will now and forever be monitored closely for signs of disease. I’ll be hyper-aware of changes to my body…most people take things for granted and overlook the signals their bodies send out that something’s off. I no longer have that option.

 That’s all I’ve come up with so far, but hey! It’s only been one day…

 And as I thought about it, I was AMAZED at the difference just one day…one word could make. The reality is, nothing’s really changed, yet EVERYTHING has changed. I’m still me, my body’s still doing the same demented circus routine…the only difference is the circus now has a name. Cirque de Sclero. (I just got a mental image of my lungs in leotards doing a trapeze act…I am SO not right!)

 Also, now that I’ve been “officially” diagnosed with Fibromyalgia I can use the terms “Fibro Fog” and “Brain Fog” instead of “Stupid Moment!” Although, yesterday when I was attempting to explain to my daughter WHY people get the whole “foggy moment“” thing, I somehow ended up calling it “Bain Frog.” (That’s right…it’s caused by frogs in my brain! The truth finally comes out.)

 The down side of it is, I have read the same five pages of my book at least half-a-dozen times…and still have no idea what it says! I’ve also listened to the same CD three or four times…and each time it’s like I’m hearing it for the first time. I guess it’ll save some money on new music.

 Since I can’t currently feel my feet, I guess it’s time to get up and go find some socks…but before I go remember...it’s always easier to look on the bright side, since we can’t see in the dark!

Chin Up, Kid

 I apologize up front for the decided lack of humor in this post…but I’m sure you’ll understand. Sometimes, even the most up-beat clown has to take off his make-up.

 I’ve sat down twice now to write the Wednesday “Posts You Should Check Out” update…but I couldn’t do it. My brain has been so pre-occupied. First, with the whole Rheumy adventure, then with the phone call I received yesterday.

 The Rheumatologist, NOT her nurse, called yesterday to tell me my tests came back positive for Scleroderma. She said she was still a little leery of giving me a definitive diagnosis since I have no apparent skin involvement outside of Raynaud’s…but we have to proceed quickly, since this would mean it’s affecting my internal organs instead. I have an appointment with a GI guy in a few weeks and we’re waiting for the results of my lung function test to gage how much lung involvement is already present. Then we’ll move on to the liver and kidneys.

 I sat down again last night to write Wednesday’s post…but I simply couldn’t. My brain was processing all this info. Yes…you know the possibility. Yes…you know intellectually what that means. Yes…you think you’re prepared. Yes…in the wee, silent hours of the morning, when you’re alone with your thoughts and a little soulful music, it hits you what it actually means…

 There’s already a knowledge that you’re sick, that life will never be exactly the same again. You want to know what’s happening with your body so you know how to combat it…you’ve already heard the words and have done the research…but to HEAR the words. To HEAR the concern in the voice of a woman who sounded completely bored and unconcerned the only time you’ve met her…

 In those early, dark hours of solitude, you let go. You’re alone and can let the smile fade and cry. You’re safe to shed tears of sorrow, not for what was, but for the road ahead and what it means for you and your family. The complete realization that the words have been spoken, somehow making it more real that you will never be “well” again. The day WILL come when you feel better, but you’ll NEVER be WELL. No “take-backs” and no “do-overs.”

 It’s not a pity-party…it’s not feeling sorry for myself…it’s being human. And sometimes being human is terrifying and painful, not just the physical pain so many of us live with every day, but that deep-down heart pain.

 I remind myself that Life is uncertain for everyone, not just those living with chronic illness. I am NOT alone in all of this. There are so many brothers and sisters that have gone before me…that are here now…that will come after me. And they’ve all gone through this. It’s normal, even “healthy” to cry…to mourn…It’s even normal to get angry, although I haven’t gotten to that one yet. I’m sure it’ll come eventually. (My logical side is vaguely aware there’s a grieving process similar to what occurs when someone dies.But right this moment, logic can go suck an egg! )

 I cut all my hair off. This may sound live such a random statement, but it made an odd sort of sense. My hair has been clogging the shower drain, even with the little screen that’s supposed to catch it. It simply can’t keep up with the amount that’s falling out. With this (tentative) diagnosis, I know it’s probably not going to stop anytime soon…so at least there’ll be less to clog the drain. Also, it felt like some form of “statement” of preparing for battle. So, me being me, I posted a picture on FB with a caption that said something about receiving a call, about the test being positive, and having a “Brittany Spears” hair moment. The one reply I received that touched my heart beyond words was a video-link from a very dear friend with the words, “Chin up, kid.”

 And that’s it, isn’t it. You have your quiet moments of grief and sadness, with a side-order of fear and uncertainty. Then you wipe your eye, blow your nose, take a deep breath, and put your chin up.

Lost In The "Fog"

 Good morning, Wednesday! Sorry for the late post, but I had an appointment to fail a pulmonary function test at o’dark thirty. *grin*

 Yesterday was a true eye-opener…not to mention an INTERESTING adventure. I had my appointment with the Rheumatologist in Indy. Now, keep in mind I spent 18 years of my life living in Indy…I know it (or used to) like the back of my hand…

 We made it there just fine. Even managed to navigate the rat-maze that is the interior of IU Med Center to find the right room. We waited over an hour for the Doc to appear…then it all kind of went weird. By this point I was EX-HAUS-TED! So, of course, my brain had gone completely off-line. Her questions didn’t make a lot of sense to me, and I’m pretty sure most of my answers made even less sense to her. (Sadly, my daughter didn’t like the woman on sight and was grumpy from the wait, so was NOT the best help to have with me. *sigh*)

 At one point, the Doc spent 15 minutes asking me if I thought I had Fibromyalgia. I kept asking her if she thought I did and kept getting the answer, “Do you think you do?” (WTF? I did not realize I was paying for a self-diagnostic visit!) After a verbal exchange worthy of Abbot and Costello, we established she’s “pretty sure” I have Fibro, but also something else. So…it appears Bob has a sibling! (Betty, perhaps?)

 Now the fun REALLY began! I found out I have had not one, but TWO positive ANA (anti-nuclear antibodies) tests, which are used to check for Lupus and a few other Autoimmunes. One of the tests showed  a Nucleolar pattern, indicative of Scleroderma.  She was not happy about this, since she’s convinced I don’t have Lupus (cool) but she’s confused about Scleroderma, since I have no skin involvement. (Hello? Have you ever heard of Systemic Scleroderma?) So yet MORE blood was taken to do a more intense work-up for Sclero. (Whoopie! More waiting!)

 In the meantime, I was told I’m already taking the meds they would use to treat Fibro, so I’m just golden on that front. (Really?) So…she dipped my fingers in cold water to confirm Raynaud’s, looked at my knuckles, which in my younger days were busted on inanimate objects so frequently that they are NOT a good indication of anything except youthful stupidity, then sent me merrily on my way….

 Where I proceeded to get LOST! I didn’t just get lost trying to find my way back to the parking garage, I got lost trying to find the flippin’ Interstate home! I lived in that city for 18 years…and could NOT FIND THE INTERSTATE! Holy cow, my brain was fried!!!

 So now…it’s sit and wait…and wait…and wait…*sigh* (I am so darned impatient!) Oh, and did I mention she also suspects Sjogren’s, which would explain to my Dentist why me teeth SUCK when I DO brush and floss…

 But, it always seems one answer leads to ten more questions, tests, and specialists…(Get to see an Internist, since my throat and digestive system have stopped moving…*doing a lop-sided happy dance*)

 Just to make sure I don’t come across as completely negative…I am thankful for ANY answer I get. I am thankful for our awesome insurance, and I am thankful that SOMEONE is finally looking at test results, instead of telling me everything was “normal” when, OBVIOUSLY it’s not. I am thankful to have friends I can rant at who will laugh with me, making all the needle-pokes and waiting easier to take.

 And, most of all, I am thankful for the readers who let me know I’m not alone…for the brave souls who have hazarded the diagnostic swamps and quagmires before me and let me know that I too will survive this insanity!

Feelin' The Love!



Crochet heart bookmarks I made my family
to show the love!

  Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! I hope your day is filled with all the love Life can fit into it!

 Speaking of love, the new ChronicBabe Blog Carnival “You Are Loved” is up.  It features some completely awesome writers ready to fill your day with extra love…from yourself as well as others!

 Update…(This is gonna be a short one, since I’ll be leaving for the “Big City” before long for a VERY romantic date with the Rheumatologist! *grin*) Forrest, my 2^nd son, ended up stopping by yesterday before work to thank me for rescuing him. (He does care!) He just hung out, cracking jokes, and brightening my day a bit. It was sweet and made up for the lack of sleep.

 I’m on pins-and-needles about my visit with the Rheumy…I know, I know…it’s just another Doc. I don’t expect a diagnosis or any great epiphany on her behalf, but…hope springs eternal! *grin* My daughter, who is becoming my “walking memory bank” is going with me again…so it should be another giggle-fest. (See, there IS always a bright side!)

 We coined a new term this week…”Zombi-flauge.” Definition: Zombi-flauge, the make-up applied to cover the zombie-like appearance of a person. I.E. I put on TONS of make-up to cover the purple-grey circles under my eyes and beneath my cheek bones. I keeps  me from scaring small children when I go to the store. (I crack myself up!)

 Confession…I have become slightly “addicted” to Tumblr over the past couple of weeks. (Don’t worry, Blogspot, you will always be my first love!) I had to open a “page” in order to “follow” my daughter’s blog…One day when I was too exhausted to leave the couch, I spent all day playing. And I discovered there is a HUGE “chronic illness” community. There are several awesome blogs, beautiful poets, and some of the most talented photographers I’ve ever come across!

 What surprised me and saddened me the most, was the number of early-20’s and late-teens that have been posting in fear, frustration, and loneliness at their status as currently-undiagnosed. There are just as many in the same age group posting in the same ways that are already diagnosed and mourning their life-long battle ahead. My heart goes out to them…

 So many of the auto-immunes tend to “hit” us in our “middle” years…We’re a bit older and a bit more “settled” by that time. (OK, not ALL of us…) Maybe it makes it a tad bit easier to face so many of the challenges. I can’t imagine what it would have been like when I was 18…25…(Yep, I’ve been corresponding, attempting to “Mother the World” as my hubby puts it.)

OK, enough seriousness for now. (And so much for this being a "short" post...)Time for a shower and the mad dash to make sure all my paper-work is in order before I hit the road.

 I hope you all have a wonderful day full of love and laughter!

Gratitude And Gas

 3:00 AM and the phone rings, waking me out of a dead Flexural-induced sleep! It’s my 2^nd oldest, the little birdie who flew the nest in December. He’s out of gas (again) and needs a rescue (again). Hubby’s out like a light and is facing a 12 hour shift come morning, so off Mommy goes…in the cold…and dark…

 I arrive to find a passing co-worker had stopped and given him a ride to the gas station. Nice! He asks me to wait, since he killed his battery trying to “wish” gas into the tank…Fine! Gas...check. Battery…check.
I follow him to the gas station to make sure said battery is going to re-start after a proper fill. As he’s pumping, I pop into the station for mandatory coffee…and he leaves! HE LEAVES! No thank you…no hug…NOTHING!

 I got back home around 4:30...wide awake. No going back to bed for me! So I sat and thought for awhile. First, about what a flippin’ knucklehead I raised. (Ungrateful little turd!) Then, after the grumbling subsided, I started thinking about gratitude in general. How easy a word it is to use, but how hard it seems to be to show.

 Personally, I’ve always been aces at showing the flip-side. (Just ask my parents!) But…how good am I at showing the better half? Oh, I say, “Thank you!” to people all the time, and I even mean it! But is that enough? Is that truly gratitude?

 Several weeks ago, while I was visiting my home away from home, AKA the pharmacy, I heard a woman COM-PLAIN-ING to the manager about one of the Pharmacy Techs. How rude the woman was to her, how much she needed to mind her own business and just do her job, and on and on. (Sadly, I know the one she was referring to, and she was dead on!) But it got me to thinking…how often do people track down the Manager to tell them what a great job an employee did? How helpful they were?

 So, when I dropped my script off, I made it a point to not only thank the woman for helping my at that moment, but I thanked her for always greeting me with a smile and never being judgmental about the number of pills this seemingly “healthy-looking” (thank you make-up!) 41 year old was taking home.

 Webster’s defines “Gratitude” as, “The state of appreciation and gratefulness; thankfulness.” I think I would like to spend more time in that state. I felt good to tell someone what they were doing right to make my life easier, not just what they were doing wrong.

 So, I guess my son taught me a bit of a lesson this fine, EARLY morning…gratitude feels GOOD! And the feelings happens on both ends of the
equation. So, for that, thank you son!

 Now…the next time the little rat comes over, I’ll be sure to teach him a lesson in return!

Tripping Along The Path

 Sometimes, life is such an odd bird! It seems like the days you’re feeling the lowest, or maybe a tiny bit isolated…those are the days you get that little pick-me-up you REALLY needed!

 I think the universe is constantly sending us little nudges in the right direction, it’s only when we are too busy to take note that we then get the proverbial “smack up-side-the-head.” (And some of us are even too thick to notice then!) I SO wish I could say I’m one of those “enlightened” individuals who spends hours in quiet meditation and am completely attuned to and at peace with my place in this world…that I walk with grace and wisdom on the path I was meant to be on. But I’m not.

 I have tried meditation, off and on, for years. All I ever managed to achieve was a good nap. Yep…if I actually quiet my mind, I fall asleep. And as for walking with grace and wisdom on any path…well, I’m the girl who managed to fall off a 1” sidewalk and break a bone in her foot. (Fell off from a standing position, I might add!) “Grace” has NEVER been in my vocabulary…and many would say neither has “wisdom.”

 But I try…in my own way, to listen. And I try to find the path I’m supposed to be on. And there’s gotta be some kind of “bonus points” given for effort…right?

 OK, so this week I’ve been reading “How Too Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers” by Toni Bernhard. I’m only half-way through it at this point, but it is making me think…and question.

 It puts a TON of great ideas and tools out there to help you make peace with your chronic illness, I’m just not sure my “Western-programmed” mind can wrap around some of them. Besides, I have a very difficult time grasping any form of passivity. I’ve always been more of a “fighter” type of gal. And, with all the wonders of our Modern Medical System and finding the right Doctor, well…being actively passive doesn’t seem to fit.

 Or…maybe I just need to read it again and attempt to look at it from a different direction? Have any of you read it? Am I making it too hard? I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on the subject…*grin*

It's A Dog's Life

 Today I wish I was a dog. (No, really!) Why, you ask? OK, if you're sure you wanna "go there!"

Our bestest-buddy, Scooter, catching a "quick" nap
in our bed. Who says you need thumbs to pull down the covers?

The Top 10 Reasons I Wish I Was a Dog Today:

 1) Dogs don’t get migraines. Think about it…do you ever see a dog lying in a darkened room, earplugs in, hugging a “puke bowl” and sobbing like a baby? Yep, didn’t think so.

 2) Nobody cares if a dog sleeps 20 out of 24 hours a day. Heck, we expect them to! Bark if someone shows up and sleep…that’s their job. (Lucky bastards!)

 3) If you ever see a dog with his head in the john, it’s because he’s thirsty…or just plain curious. It’s definitely NOT because he’s got the flu, drank too much (again), has a migraine, or ate gall bladder-forbidden food.

 4) (You are ONLY gonna get this one if you suffer from the EVILS of hemorrhoids! You’ve been warned.) Dogs can drag their arses across the floor with complete, total abandon…with a smile on their face! Well…at least until they get caught…*grin*

 5) No one expects you to clean up your own (or someone else’s) mess...EVER!

 6) No one thinks you’re weird if you sniff them or lick their face. (Please, do not even ask…)

 7) If someone walks into the room and you’re taking an innocent nap, sprawled out spread-eagle on your back, buck-ass naked…it’s OK…’cause you’re a dog.

 8) YOU CAN SCRATCH WHERE IT ITCHES IN PUBLIC!

 9) All your meds come wrapped in cheese. (Uuuummmm…..cheese!)

 10) If you get the munchies in the middle of the night and your food bowl is empty, you don’t have to run to the store. If you’re a dog, you always have options…garbage can, litter box…(Hey! Don’t judge, it’s dogs were talking about…LOL!)

*Honorable Mention 
  11) As a dog, making friends is a breeze! You walk up, sniff a bum, lick a face, and it’s all good!
                
 and, finally...last but not least

  12) If something is annoying you, you can eat it.

Love That Laughter!

Some of my favorite funny things to
laugh at...

 I’ve been thinking a lot about “love” lately. That may be due to the fact that EVERYWHERE you look is plastered with pink and red hearts! Even my living room is covered in pink…HUGE, fluffy back-pillow, fuzzy blanket, lap-desk for my laptop, and all my favorite comfy jammies…(I am NOT girly!) So, it’s become painfully obvious that Valentine’s Day is just around the corner.

 I’ve always known I was loved. My hubby and our family are my rock. Always have been, always will be. But this past year, they’ve turned into the flippin’ Himalayans! That is kinda making this year’s festivities of “love” extra-special for me.

 A lot has changed around here since Bob moved in and propped his gnarly, little feet up on the sofa. (For those currently confused, since the Docs have yet to give me a definitive diagnosis, we decided to call whatever is attempting to kick my butt “Bob.” Gives me a name to insert in the occasional stream of obscenities.) In the last year, I’ve left the work force putting the full weight of providing for us financially on hubby’s shoulders. The kids have all made extra sacrifices, both in things we can’t afford and in more time here helping out. There have been too-numerous-to-count sleepless nights on everyone’s behalf, wondering what the future holds with our new “house-guest.” One thing hasn’t changed though…and that’s the love that bounces off the walls around here! (Love, socks, air-soft darts…)

Captain Smurf-In-Training!

I won’t lie. When things started getting “heavy,” I was worried the strain would cause the laughter to fade, tempers to get short, and people to put on their “kid gloves” when dealing with me. But, thankfully that wasn’t the case. I discovered early on, that as long as I “encouraged” (OK, maybe threatened) people to keep talking, then it not only helped them deal with their fears, but it helped me as well. In this house, there has NEVER been talking that wasn't closely followed by all manner of sarcastic and completely off-the-wall joking and side-splitting laughter!

 Geeze, when I think about it, all my major life-changing events have occurred to those beautiful sounds. The first time I met my hubby and knew he was THE ONE he was laughing. (I looked in those smiling eyes and knew I was doomed. But doomed in a really good way!) The kids all came into this world to the sound of laughter. (OK, it was crazed laughter that it was finally over…but still laughter!)

Early-morning hair...

 And that’s it right there…the one thing that shows me I’m loved the most. The laughter. As long as you’re surrounded by that sound, it’s impossible to be frightened of the unknown.