WOW! You Survived...

Tuesday April 10: Dear 16-year-old-me. Write a letter to yourself at age 16. What would you tell yourself? What would you make your younger self aware of?

Day 10-



                                       Dear Chris,

That's right...I'm actually
a blonde!



 WOW! You’re NEVER gonna believe this, but you actually survived your teens and twenties! (And WITHOUT incarceration! REALLY!) Right now, you’re 41 and possibly the happiest you’ve ever been with yourself, regardless of anything that may or may not be going on in your neck of the Universe.

My Mom, my brother,
and me. Wasn't 80's
fashion great?

 I would LOVE to be able to impart some “great wisdom” to you…tell you some horrible part of your life to avoid…correct a bad decision you’ve made (although, I would NEVER be able to pick JUST one…dumbass!) but the truth is, I wouldn’t want you to change a thing. OK…eat more vegetables, don’t fight with your Mom so much, learn to control your stupid spending habits, listen more and talk less…but all that’s stuff your parents tell you all the darned time anyway.



The only place I ever felt
compelled to slow down...



 Here’s the deal, kiddo. Your life is gonna be a bumpy ride. It’s gonna be messy and chaotic more often than not. And it’ll ALL be of your own creation. You’re going to spend so much time running from one train wreck to the next, you’ll never take the time to see the forest for the trees. Your biggest problem has ALWAYS been (and STILL is, by the way) that you rarely slow down and look around at the swirling tornado of bs you tend to leave in your wake. *sigh*



Back when every romance
felt like it would
last forever!



 But…not to worry…there will come a time when you’ll have no choice but to slow down. (Darn-near to a stop!) Then you’ll have every opportunity to remove your cranium from your posterior end and get a good look at the life you’ve lived. And you’ll discover…it was one heck of a “wild ride” but…worth it. Everything you’ve done, every mistake you’ve made, every failed romance, even every bad decision…they all came together to shape you into the person you are today.

My grandma and me...

 I guess the only thing I’d really like to ask of you is this…DON’T sell the upright bass! It’s a pain in the ass to lug around and takes up a ton of space, but you will SO regret it! Take better care of your body while you can, because preventative maintenance is cheaper than repair work. Choose your words more carefully, because many of them will become your ghosts that will haunt you for a lifetime. Do NOT start smoking! It’s a god-awful habit that will become your flippin’ albatross! And lastly…spend more time with your family. Listen to them more. Appreciate them while you have the chance…because no one is immortal.

My Dad always said, "If
I knew half as much now as I
thought I knew at 16, I'd
still be the smartest man alive."
He was SO right!

 I’ll end this letter with a smile, knowing you won’t listen to a damned word I said, because you’re 16 and 100% certain you know EVERYTHING and us “old farts” are all idiots. Trust me on this, girl…you couldn’t be more wrong if you tried!

 With love, wishes of luck, and a good laugh at what awaits you,

It'll be a bumpy ride,
but you'll have so much to show for it!

 Me

Joy, Humor, & SNAFU

Monday April 9: Keep calm and carry on. Write (and create) your own Keep Calm and Carry On poster. Can you make it about your condition? Then go to (http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/) and actually make an image to post to your blog.

 Day 9- Several weeks ago, when I first received the list of prompts in my mail, I sat down and read through them. My first thought was, “I am SO in over my head with this!” My second thought was, “What the BLEEP is a “Keep Calm and Carry On” poster?” So, to the couch with the laptop I went…

Joy & Humor poster  http://bit.ly/GKgiUm

 I read everything on the page (including history of the flippin’ font) and was fascinated! Oh, the history! Oh, the thought of living a life of uncertainty, as they had to have been at the time of the creation of this poster! (WWII) Then it hit me…I guess in our own way we do live with the daily uncertainty of our own private wars. It’s just the attacks are coming from within as opposed to without….

 Then I created my poster…my own “Keep Calm” message to my body, mind, and my family. “Find Joy & Humor in the Absurdity of Life!”

 “What the gazpacho?” you ask? “That doesn’t have a darned thing to do with health!”  you say? Well…yes it does. Why oh why do we worry about our health? (Let’s leave the whole “mortality” issue out for now. OK?) So we will feel better…to improve our quality of life…to live fully and embrace the day…(I could go on, but I won’t. *grin*)

 The reality of a life lived in the company of chronic illness is each new day is going to be filled with little bits and pieces of “unknown” pain and “unexpected” glitches. You wake up and feel all “aces” then, BAM! Outta left field you hand or leg decided to become chronically distracted and you’re in a lower-level zombie-mode. You’re having a great conversation, and WHAM! Brain fog kicks in and you’re smack in the middle of a game of “guess-that-word-charades”. It happens to the best of us…

 And it can be extremely absurd at times!

 What’s the point of getting our under garments in an uncomfortably binding position? It’s life! Even without the added “fun” of a chronic health issue, life is still absurd…surreal…surprising…unexpected. I choose to find the humor in the situations. I choose to laugh at my internal attackers! Not only do I feel less awkward, but those around me that are unwittingly recruited into my “games” are more at ease…putting me more at ease…

 When I was still working, one of the other women I worked closely with had problems with her hands. Watching us try to repair a machine was like watching the Two Stooges play a game of “pick-up stix.” We borrowed a term from the military to describe these moments…SNAFU. (Situation normal, all f#@ked up.) We laughed, those around us laughed, no one thought anything of it. And we kept going…

 So, there you have it! LONG story, not so short…Know that life is going to be “unexpected,” accept it, and laugh with it…And keep going!



Embrave the SNAFU poster http://bit.ly/I9cTBA



Talking To Myself In Public

Sunday April 8:  Best conversation I had this week. Try writing script-style (or with dialogue) today to recap an awesome conversation you had this week.

 Day 8- (Shamed silence) *sigh* I am such an impatient person that the one conversation that would have been PERFECT for this one…well, I wrote about it yesterday. (Oops!) If you factor in I spend my days in the company of domestic poultry and teenagers…let’s just say if I recounted many of the conversations I have during any given week I’d either end up in a straitjacket or the Potty-Mouth Police would slap the cuffs on me. So, instead (me fail to follow directions? No way!) I would like to recap a conversation I WISH I’d had this week!

 The readers that have been hanging with me for a while already know my daughter got me border-line addicted to Tumblr…(OK. Now the rest of you know it too!) One of the things that eats at my heart every time I log on, is the amount of 18-25 year old people not just in physical pain, but intense emotional pain as well. “I feel so alone…” “Nobody understands me…” “The Doctors STILL don’t know what’s wrong with me…” “My parents and friends think I’m faking it…” and my LEAST favorite, “I just wish I could die.”  These are all fairly common phrases to see under the “chronic illness” and “chronic pain” tags.

 So, sticking with the “spirit” of the prompt, here’s the conversation I WISH I could have had this week with “Them.”

Me: Damn! You’re killing me here!

Them: You don’t understand! You don’t know what it’s like…

Me: The heck I don’t ! I don’t care if you’re 15 or 50, pain sucks! Friends not believing you blows! Docs not finding answers…just fill in the blank with your choice of foul language.

Them: But you’re older. They believe you.

Me: Bull noses. I’m female, so I’m automatically “exaggerating.” I have tattoos and piercings, so I’m an “attention seeker.” I’m persistent, so I’m obviously “drug seeking.” I carry copies of my Medical records and ask questions, so I’m a know-it-all-B word who spends too much time on the Internet.

Them: At least you have friends! Mine all stopped talking to me. I can’t do all the stuff they do…I’m always too tired or in too much pain. I’m no fun…

Me: Really? You forgot the one where you personify the fact that they’re not indestructible or immortal. I hate to break it to you, but that’s the same song-and-dance regardless of your age. The only difference is I’m married and out of the “dating scene”. That and the social events I’m invited to are more “family” oriented than clubbing. Other than that…same thing.

Them: At least you know what’s wrong with you!

Me: OK, that one’s a point for you…BUT, having a label does NOT make it hurt any less…sometimes it’s a bigger pain in the ass. I mean, have you ever heard of Scleroderma? Sounds contagious, doesn’t it? And it’s a bear to explain if your skin isn’t obviously under attack. Try explaining to people who REALLY would rather pretend you’re healthy and fine how collagen building up in inappropriate places can screw-up your internal organs. That’s a good time for ya…

Them: How do you do it?

Me: I call it “Bob” instead. Saves time and syllables.

Them: No, I mean…how do you keep from crawling under the covers and never comeing out?

Me: Because…well…sh@t happens. Life doesn’t stop just because I want to return the one I was given to the Customer Service window. I’ve kinda gotten attached to breathing and all that. So…you do what you have to and make what you’ve got into something you want. Or at least something you can work with.

Them: …?...

Me: OK. I could be bitter…and have been from time to time. BUT I try to find whatever “bright side” I can to add meaning to all THIS. Instead of having a life-long pity-party, I would MUCH rather have little “chats” like this one…use my breath to tell you that you’re NOT alone. That kind of “happy-happy” stuff.

Them: What? The lemons and making lemonade crap?

Me: I don’t care if you make a beverage, a pie, or sit on them like a chicken egg! Heck, yesterday a dear friend educated me on the therapeutic values of throwing produce. But if you get arrested, don’t tell them you got the idea from me. (*see endnote)

Them: THROWING!?!

Me: Forget that one…All I’m saying is find a way to make this whole bag-o-crap that is chronic illness mean something more than a curse on your days. Remember how you’ve been feeling and help others…find one reason to smile for every three reasons to cry. That all…no great, profound wisdom…just it is what it is. You make the choice how to live with it.

Them: Throwing lemons is a choice?

Me: I said forget the throwing thing!

Them: Lady…you are NUTS!

Me: …And?

*The nut-job who writes this thing in NO WAY advocates the throwing of produce at random passers-by. Or, specific individuals for that matter…(BUT, it DOES sound like fun! Thanks for the tip, Dawn!)

Bob Strikes Again!

Saturday April 7: Health Activist Choice! Write about what you want today. (I think I can manage this one!)

 Day 7- Good morning! I did it! I survived “Week 1” without veering too far off course…*grin* (There’s a first!)

 (I was gonna save this for tomorrow’s prompt, but it’s the only thing that keeps popping into my head.) Last night the hubby and I had an “eye-opening” conversation…one that hit me so far outta left field I was actually SPEECHLESS! (And that’s about as rare as it gets!)

Bob's back and the bugger stole
my mask!

 He was sitting on the couch watching sports, so it looked like a great opportunity to annoy the be-jeepers outta him by talking. *impish grin* In my oh-so-NOT-subtle way, I broached the topic of anger. Forcing him to “discuss” why he’s been completely on edge and seemingly ANGRY all the time. I figured I’d get answers ranging between, “Work sucks!” and “The house looks like a tornado lives here.” What I got instead was, “It’s not fair.” *insert speechless confusion here*

 Our “kids” still living at home are 18 (19 next week) and 17. We started young, so we’re 40 and 41…in the prime of our lives! Right? This is the dawn of our years together, to live out our dreams of “someday,” run amuck and generally wreak havoc sans children. These are the years that one of the kids should be getting the 3:00 AM phone calls from US to “bail us out,” “pick us up,” or to remind us why egging houses is a BAD idea! Instead…our “dates” consist of sitting in hospital waiting rooms, driving hours each way to get to Doc appointments, and making trips to the pharmacy.

 He’s angry because my body acts more like that of an 80 year old. My muscles are weak, I tire easily, and I can’t ride in a car long distances without pain. (LOTS of pain!) He’s angry because he’s terrified the Docs aren't looking hard enough or fast enough to catch everything going on and there could be seriously evil gremlins eating away at my vital organs. (OK, the “gremlins” part was mine…) He’s angry because there’s NOTHING he can do. And it's simply not fair!

Yep! This is my rock!
Cute, ain't he?

 BOOM! What an eye-popping bomb! I have been so focused on re-working my own world-view, I COMPLETELY missed the effects of Bob on the one person that matters most. In my tunnel-visioned state, I missed Bob with his sledge hammer chipping away at my rock! What the heck?

 That’s when the Mac Truck of recollection drove through one of the holes in my swiss-cheese memory. I don’t know how many places I’ve read that, when you’re chronically ill, there are three “people” in your relationship…you, you’re significant other, and Bob (or one of hismany bros.) And Bob is NOT good at communication…or sharing…(or picking his underwear up off the floor…)

 So we talked. (Which actually means I talked and after about half an hour, his eyes glazed over.) I promised him we still had “our” time, our dreams, and our nights of running from the law ahead of us. We’d still go to Ireland, even if I spent the plane ride lying in an aisle so my body wouldn’t implode in pain…even if I spent the trip in an all-terrain wheelchair. Even if I just did shots of apple juice and pretended it was amazing Irish whiskey…Our dreams weren’t “dead,” they just needed tweaking.

Me and my sweetie 11 years
ago, just a few weeks before
our wedding!

 How surreal it is to realize the power of Bob and his bros to silently rock the foundations of so many lives. And the little buggers only have the power because we’re not watching for it….Vigilance! That’s key…(Sounds like a job for the Gladinator? *insert laughter here as I scrounge around, looking for my mask*)

 Anyway, the moral of the story is…we talked, we laughed, I cried…then almost fell off the couch. But we TALKED. And we'll keep talking (because I am SO annoying like that), doing what we can to keep our relationship strong...keep it the rock is has to be to weather the storm of chronic illness. And we'll keep tweaking our dreams, adding or subtracting as needed to keep them alive and attainable!

 May your Saturday (and everyday) be filled with communication with your significant other. And may you find LOTS of CREATIVE and FUN ways to re-vamp your dreams…and come up with new ones!

Friday's Top 10, Haiku Style!

Friday April 6: Health haiku. Write a haiku about your health focus. 5 syllables/7 syllables/5 syllables. Write as many as you like.

Day 6-

             There once was a Doctor from Yonkers

             Whose stethoscope drove women bonkers.

             He kept it on ice

             He thought it was nice….No wait! THAT’S a limerick…never mind! I’ll try this again…

 Actually, I had an awesome (possibly HORRIBLY awesome…) idea. Since Fridays are traditionally “Top Ten List” days, I’m going to do today’s challenge as a “Top Ten”.  (insert creepy little giggle here)

 Here it is…the Top Ten reasons I’m here…Oh, a word of warning…the farther down the list you go, the sillier and more off topic they get. (You try writing ten Haikus about the same subject and not wander off-topic a bit…*grin*)

I)

Powerlessness robs

Owning your life returns all

You are that person

II)

Laughter is my peace                                    

The well all strength is drawn from

It grows with sharing

III)

If fear is sadness

Then joy is the antidote

I share all I have

IV)

Disenchantment blinds

Answers remove the bindings

Leaving you now free

V)

We are much the same

In sharing fears and sorrows

We’re made stronger

VI)

My heart is open

I welcome you in with love

Freely I offer all

VII)

Is much bad ju-ju

Anger and fear in a soul

Remove ill and soar

VIII)

Therapy costs much

Ranting with purpose on blog

Costs little for all

IX)

Live long and prosper

Show true geekness for all here

Running out of ideas

And the “worst of the worst”…*drum roll*

X)

Limericks  better

Can’t make a dirty Haiku

Lack syllable space

I hope you guys get the idea…do your best to spend your day with a smile and a giggle and have an as-pain-free-as-possible day!

My Pas De Deux

the wind whistles spirited songs, a photo by brookeshaden on Flickr.

Thursday April 5:  Ekphrasis Post. Go to flickr.com/explore and write a post inspired by the image. Can you link it to your health focus? Don’t forget to post the image!

Day 5  My Pas De Deux!

My body used to dance and my soul would soar,

Loosing myself outside myself

While finding myself inside the flesh.

There could be no greater joy and release

Than the sensation of every sliding of muscle…tendon…sinew…

The feel of the flow under skin.

My body was my Temple and my foe…pushed past every limit and pain

Until the pointe was perfect and I could feel the release of the moment.

My only joy in the sweat and blood!

I needed no mirror or barre... I was my own worst critic.

These days…I dance with my soul…Alone. Not lonely.

There is a new freedom in leaving the body to wait…watch from the sidelines.

My spirit is my partner in an epic pas de deux,

Lifting me higher than before, allowing me to truly soar!

My smiles are the pirouettes that either pull or push…my own gravitational field.

There is sweet freedom in forgetting the challenges of the flesh as they were

And learning anew the movement of a life lived…not wanted…

A life where the twitch of a toe feels like the grandest of jetés and each plié requires an aid.

A life where I own the movement and the moment…

Where it doesn’t own me.

A Jester Remembers

Wednesday April 4:  I write about my health because… Reflect on why you write about your health for 15-20 minutes without stopping.

Day 4  Hhhhmmmmmm… (I write about my health because it’s cheaper than therapy?) I write about my health because I REMEMBER.

 There are so many things I remember, and I’m NOT talking about being healthy. (I’m pretty sure we all remember that.) I’m talking about remembering what it was like to be stuck in the in-between times. When you were a “chronic shadow”…not healthy, not yet diagnosed as being “sick”. Those times and places in your life when you pretty much walked hand-in-hand with fear, anger, sadness, and every question known to health-care….but little or no answers.

 During those times I NEEDED someone to tell me, “Hey! You’re not alone! Yep, we’ve ALL gone through it to one degree or another. And guess what? You’ll make it through OK and be a stronger person for it.”

 What I found were groups for every kind of chronic illness, but no “What the heck is wrong with me?” group. I didn’t find a “Medical Mystery Club” where those of us still “up in the air” could turn. And I remember the frustration and loneliness. That’s why I write…and why I write in general terms instead of disease-specific.

My Mom and some of her "critters."

 I remember My Mother…She lived with Crohn’s Disease (another autoimmune) for over 20 years. She never fully understood what it meant to her body. (This was the dark ages…LONG before the internet!) She hated the way the drugs made her feel, so didn’t take them most of the time. After a botched colonoscopy, she refused to submit to her yearly exam. Her lack of understanding and fear contributed to her all-too-early death...You see, the yearly colonoscopy could have caught the colon cancer before it filled her entire abdominal cavity.

 I remember a few short weeks before the end of her life, her wondering if more could have been done. If she should have sought a second opinion…if she’d fought hard enough. I remember thinking that the pain of watching her pass was bad enough…no one should have to deal with the “what ifs” on top of that!



My Jester hats.
The teal ribbon is for Scleroderma and
the purple butterflys are for Fibromyalgia.



 No…I don’t do a lot of disease-specific pieces, post the ground-breaking research, or write the deep, informative articles. There are SO many others SO much better at it than I am. I am the Court Jester in the midst of more powerful and influential people.  I put on the funny hat…I dance around with my bells…I couch words and concepts in jokes and wrap my health in laughter so others might not feel so afraid and alone.

And I remember.

The Gladinator

Tuesday April 3: Superpower Day. If you had a superpower – what would it be? How would you use it?

 Day 3 Heck yeah! Since I live in a house that has more clothing items covered in Batman, The Punisher, and Superman art than items that don’t, this one sounded right up my alley!

 It was still dark outside when I sat down at my keyboard to free into the world all the words that were swirling and churning inside my skull. My hands shook...not their USUAL shaking, but from the excitement building with every fevered word I typed! Oh, what power! (Wait…what power? What power would I choose if I could have just one?)

 I ran through all the standards in my head…none of them seemed right. I could have the power to “heal.” But that would be cheating! I could have the power to bestow “peace” or “happiness”…*sigh* But again, that would be cheating. I could have the power to talk to fish! No, that one had already been done.

 Then it came to me…like a bright light arriving from far distant Krypton.  Laghtidence ! That would be my Superpower. Oh, it sounded too good to be true! Now, only one thing remained for me to do before my Superhero went down in the annals of history…figure out what the hell “laghtidence” was.

Laughtidence- The ability to bring laughter and confidence to both those living with a chronic illness and those that care for them.

 One thing I have noticed on this long, strange trip is that becoming “sick” tends to rob people of two VERY important things. The first is their confidence! Losing control of our bodies, letting go of our sense of “normal”, and knowing that NOTHING is ever going to be the “same” again is pretty earth-shaking. Then you factor in the feeling that the management of our “new normal” is in the hands of Docs and Specialists who are doing a multi-man, plate-juggling show…it’s enough to make ANYONE feel lost and confused! (Especially BEFORE a diagnosis!)

 When we understand that it doesn’t HAVE to be that way…That we still have the power to have a say in our lives, it begins to restore some of our confidence. And the more we work towards our ownership of our own health…towards a partnership with our Docs, the more we begin to find bits and pieces of our “old selves.”



 Then there’s laughter…laughter relieves stress, releases awesome chemicals in our bodies, is good for the heart…and it’s free! (So take THAT, HMO!) Laughter breaks the tension, lightens the mood, and makes it a bit easier to see the “forest for the trees.” If the best defense is a good offense, then laughter is my #1 offensive directive.

 And now that I think about it…if someone has laughter and confidence, then they have the ability to make “peace” with their illness, find “happiness” in their “new” lives, and begin to “heal” themselves both mentally and emotionally. Cool! I managed to sneak them in WITHOUT cheating! Now, all I gotta figure out is how that overly-muscular guy talks to fish…

My son (behind the camera) and daughter
got in on the "fun" and standard insanity!

All Is...Happy!

Monday April 2: Quotation Inspiration. Find a quote that inspires you (either positively or negatively) and free write about it for 15 minutes.

Day 2- You’d think there were enough “voices” bouncing around in my head I’d have NO problem latching on to one to use for today’s challenge…but it’s so hard to pick just one! And since I never could follow the rules…why start now?



“All is as it should be.”

                 —  Buddha



 When I first became ill, the hardest thing for me to wrap my head around and make peace with was the fact that EVERYTHING was different now. The best thing I ever did for myself and those who were forced to keep my company was to stand in the middle of the room and tearfully scream, “My life will never be the same!” Once it was out in the open and not eating me up from the inside out, it just made perfect sense to take a deep breath and add, “And I’m OK with that! Any questions?”

 My quote…the thing I repeat to myself over and over, as the final part of my odd outburst…”All is as it should be.” It’s not about acceptance that life sucks. It’s not about acceptance that the Universe is unfair. It’s about acceptance that yes, my life and the lives of those surrounding me have changed. It will all continue to change on a fairly regular basis. But it’s OK…because that’s as it should be.

 My creaky joints and various body parts that sleep-in when I rise early? It’s OK, because it’s as it should be. The occasional anger, fear and frustration I experience at new “problems” or “bad” days? Guess what! It’s OK, because I’m human and that’s as it should be.

 The really neat thing is, I can follow the “flow” of this train of thought directly into the quote that tied for 1^st place on my list of “possibilities.”

“The purpose of our lives is to be happy. " 

                                                 - Dalai Lama

…So simple...so true...yet so often overlooked.

Pink And Purple Picture-Piñata

Sunday April 1:  Health Time Capsule. Pretend you’re making a time capsule of you & your health focus that won’t be opened until 2112. What’s in it? What would people think of it when they found it?

  Day 1. I’ve been staring at this particular “prompt” for two solid weeks now! It’s my own, personal Godzilla! It just keeps popping up outta nowhere and freakin’ scaring the shnikies out of me. (OK…I’ll stop procrastinating by visualizing my laptop coming to life and destroying Tokyo.)

 OK…time capsule…health focus…For those of you who are new, I guess my health focus could best be described as promoting Patient Empowerment through humor. Why? Because ultimately we’re all responsible for our own health and I can’t act like an adult for more than three minutes straight!

My Time Capsule by Chris Dean.

  If I had a time capsule, it would be pink and purple, because those are my favorite colors and also because it would get EVERYONE’S attention when they accidentally dug it up! They’d look at it and wonder, “What crazy girl lost this thing?” Then they would open it to see if there was a name and address inside so they could return it. (Sorry. Just getting in touch with my inner-child who obviously is stuck in 3rd grade English class! I’ll get “serious” now…promise!)

 They say a picture’s worth a thousand words…Museums and attics across the world are full of them. So why not my time capsule? TONS of pictures…I’d turn it into a tiny little pink and purple, metallic piñata!

 Pictures of medical files would be the first to go in. Stacks and stacks of medical file folders. I would hope the 2112ers would be both amazed and horrified by the complexities required to manage and coordinate your health while playing a cross between the “shell game” and “52 card pick-up” with all the FOLDERS! “No wonder,” They’d say, “there was such a high incidence of both misdiagnosis and delayed diagnosis! Thank the powers that be for e-files!”

 Then I’d start stuffing in pics of the stacks, piles, and occasional mountains of meds…pictures of the reams of “Warning” and “Possible Side Effects” print-outs that accompany all of them. The 2112ers would sadly shake their heads at the number of pills, injections, and inhaled substance we were Doc ordered to take…one for the problem, two for the side effects, another to stave off possible interactions…*sigh*

 Lastly, I’d gently add the pictures of people…Yes, there’d be a few of those who were receive infusions, both young and old. There would be pics of those in hospitals or bed-ridden at home. The thing is, ALL of the people regardless of any background setting, would be smiling. Laughing. LIVING their life on whatever terms they can manage!

 To me, that would be the most important message we could send to our buds in 2112…We were NOT the annoying, avalanches of files. We were NOT the Mountain Range of meds. Yep, those were the things that “drug” us down a bit (sorry about the pun. Just couldn’t help myself!)…made the living more difficult (or adventurous…depending on your outlook) but…(drum roll, please) we were fellow human beings who still got about the business of laughing and living, regardless of all else!

 And standing there as the rocket cars pass overhead, surrounded by buildings strait out of an episode of “The Jetson’s”, I can see them reverently running their fingers across the slightly faded surfaces of the pictures…and smiling. Because they’ll understand that smiles and laughter are like icing…not only sweet, but able to hold together even the ugliest, most crumbly cake ever made and turn it into something beautiful!

Randy And My Zombie Doll

 (Step away from the dead horse…slowly…back away…No! Don’t beat that poor thing anymore!)

 Good morning! Yep…teeny-tiny, itsy-bitsy bit o’repitition to ensue…

 Always follow your gut! If you have questions, keep asking until they’re addressed to your satisfaction! It’s your body, your pain, and only you know when “something” is more than “nothing”.

This is Randy. He would say, "Nice to meet you,"
but he's a dead horse...

 OK. That’s it. I’m walking away from Randy now. (Randy is now officially the name of the dead horse. It just sounds less morbid and generally icky…)

 Sorry, I just needed to re-iterate for myself my own advice, since I was smacked up-side the back of the head with it this week….I’ve been asking my GP about my irregular heartbeat and (as I’ve mentioned before) answered with sarcasm befitting something that would come out of my mouth! So I dropped the subject. Let…it…go…Then, two days ago my heart rate, blood pressure, and blood sugar turned into a systemic version of Mexican jumping beans! Yes, I was a “good girl” and sent an e-mail to my Rheumy (who is sadly on vacation!). I received a panicked call from the Triage Nurse yesterday ORDERING me to hit the ER if it happens again. (Oops!)

 On the up-side, it looks like a visit to a Cardiologist is now in my near-future. Definitely a good thing. I like my heart…it’s my friend. (Usually keeps a good beat, you just can’t dance to it.)

What do ya think?
She's even got the grey skin!

 Onto a weekly round-up of the insane things my daughter and I did…*slightly evil grin*

 I frequently refer to myself as a “zombie” due to some of the interesting changes brought about by my Sclero. Some weeks ago, I found out there existed a “Monster High” zombie doll. Yesterday, we found it! (lopsided happy dance) It was amazing, really…with one slight “hair” adjustment, she’s the spitting image of me! I now have my own doll! (And yes…I re-dyed my hair red. The lemon yellow and pink are going to be blamed on a bad reaction to meds. LOL!)

 Aside from long, deep, intellectual discussions about the pro’s and con’s of underwear and all it’s various forms, heckling BAD movies together, forcing my hubby to sit through “The New Girl” (he tries to curl into a deaf and blind fetal ball at the mere mention of the show), and a two-night “The Big Bang Theory” marathon…it was a pretty slow week for us.

 I suppose I’m a very lucky woman. I have an 18 year old daughter (19 in a few short weeks) who is not only smart, beautiful, and kind but also full of confidence and self respect. AND she has become my partner-in-crime! I frequently refer to her as the “adult” in the relationship, but there are days I manage to pull her out of her “serious” shell…and THEN the fun REALLY starts! We’re kind of like a modern-day Abbott and Costello…(I’m working on getting her to memorize “Who’s On First” with me).

 So…to the parents in the crowd- May your day be filled with laughter shared with your offspring. To the offspring in the crowd- Try spend some time laughing with your parents today. And, lastly, to those in the crowd without offspring- create an invisible friend for the day. Take them to the park, the movies, the mall…the possibilities are endless! Just have FUN!

What Was I Thinking!?!

 Good morning! The technologically impaired person that is me discovered a new trick! I kept coming up with all these GREAT ideas for posts, but I’d forget them. Then I discovered my trusty cell phone could record sound! (I know…big shock to everyone else in the world, right?)

 Over the last three weeks or so I’ve recoded all these little snippets…that I have NO IDEA what the heck they are! But, being the “thrifty” individual I am, I just COULDN’T waste them! So…I figured they’d make an amusing “Top Ten” list. Some were probably intended to be titles, some were ideas…possibly. Thanks to the miracles of Brain Fog, if it wasn’t for the fact that it’s obviously my voice squeaking back at me, I wouldn’t believe they were mine.

 So without further ado, here it is…in a completely random order befitting the monstrously random “

thoughts”…

Top Ten Blogs That I’ll Never Write

 1) I swear, if I was riddled with bullet holes, they’d stuff pills in the holes! That’s their answer to everything…got a problem? Stuff a pill in it!

 2) Let’s talk hypothetically…which we all know means I’m talking about myself, but don’t want to admit it. So, can you just play along with me and pretend? Cool! Thanks!

 3) What is wrong with me? Do NOT start, or I’ll be forced to TELL you!

 4) “Denial” is not just a river in Egypt but I am the “Steve Martin” of Egyptian History. (I don’t know and probably REALLY don’t want to!)

5) When the only good genes you have are the expensive, blue ones that make your butt look smaller.

6) Something I was not aware of…those flippin' whacked-out cars with INSANELY heavy bass can trigger a migraine to go right over the edge! (Awesomely GREAT fun when you’re driving and BOOM!)

 7) “Soulless word-whores” because they’re selling words like sex! (Absolutely NO idea! But it must have made sense to me at the time…)

 8) The Universal Bank of God. (Now, I’m going to assume there was some kind of deep thought going on that I was SURE this little phrase would trigger at a later date…but I was WRONG!)

 9) When “popping a fluffy” becomes an Epic Fail! (Enough said!)

 10) (My personal favorite…) Why the hell am I sitting here and what the fudge was I gonna write?

 There ya have it…I’m sure a Psychiatrist would have a BALL with these. But then again, I avoid these individuals at all costs anyway. Feel free to back slowly away from the monitor…slowly…slowly…*grin*

 Have a holly, jolly day with all the distractions required to keep the pain at bay!

Bitter Or Better?

 Good morning!

 Today I have an uncharacteristically “serious” question. Do you think that getting sick has made you in any way, shape or form a better person? Or, perhaps…angrier? Maybe you haven’t changed a darn bit, which in my opinion, is probably near impossible…but hey, anything could happen!

 I know I’ve mentioned in a previous post (Extreme Makeover, "Me" Edition) that in my former life I was a foul-tongued, sarcastic ass-hat and getting sick gave me time to re-evaluate my life…and (hopefully) make a few tweaks and changes for the better. Well, I’ve added more to that train of thought. With the continued “extra time” I’ve created a list. Not a “Bucket List” due to the fact I don’t really want to put an “expiration date” (like death) on it, but more a “S#@t I Gotta Do” list.
Here’s my start…

 1) Go to New York to see my friend play live! Here’s a video of one of my oldest friends…he’s the one with the upright bass. (He’s possible been around so long because he’s in NY and I’m in IN, which means we’re not close enough for me to drive him up a wall!) I would LOVE to see him live…*sigh*

 2) (This one’s kinda an ongoing “My Name Is Earle” type of thing…) Apologize to people I’ve hurt by being such a mondo d-bag! Seeing as I was born with foot-in-mouth-itis and tended to make bitter sarcasm a way of life, there are a LOT of people in the subsets of this one….

 3) Spend an ENTIRE day with hubby…no kids (sorry guys), no pets, no cell phone, no TV…JUST THE TWO OF US! You know, you’d think after almost 13 years it would have happened by now, but we even had visitors on our Honeymoon! *grinds teeth just a little bit* But…SOMEDAY!

 4) Finish putting stuff in the kid’s Baby Books. OK, ya know how the first kid gets every smile, burp, and goofy face immortalized in their Baby Book, then each successive kid gets a little less? Normally it’s due to things like time constraints, running after the rug-rat in line ahead of ‘em (a low-level form of “old-hat“ boredom)…well, by the time my last son was born, he officially made it four kids under the age of six! Can we just say the only thing in his Book is his name? (OK…OK, but better late than never!)
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 20) Let my "Geek Flag" fly! Spend the whole day in my "Punisher" hoodie and watch every episode, from #1 to current, of "The Big Bang Theory". Not only will I spend the day laughing, but I'll also annoy EVERYONE in my family, excluding my daughter. (Bonus points!)
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 50) World Media Domination! After all, I figured I REALLY should place my family higher on the list than success at my chosen profession!
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 100) Find out what color my hair REALLY is. What the heck, at some point I’m going to be too old, shaky, and frail to dye my own hair…and I have a borderline pathological dislike for beauty parlors. So, ya figure the day will come when I’ll just say, “Screw it!” and the roots will take over. It’s OK…I can wait.

 It’s a good start, anyway! It would be way too cliché to ask what your #1 item is, so I’ll do the unexpected…what #3 on your list?

 May you have an awesome, joyous Spring Day and may my hair NOT fall out from the “yet-another-round-of-hair-dye” that’s currently soaking in! (Lemon yellow and pink? What the hell was I thinking?)

Gratitude With Attitude!

Good morning!

 Today, as I count down mere days to the Writer’s Challenge and those alien-to-me "writer's prompts", I will focus on the things in my life I’m grateful for…instead of those that are scaring the socks off of me! Why fear the prompts? Let’s face it, I STINK at doing what I’m told! There’s something deep down, hiding in an undiscovered dark pit in my psyche that automatically yearns to do the exact opposite of what I’m told…no matter WHAT it is! *sigh* (Oh, the life of a clueless rebel!)

 Here are just a few of the things this morning that put a smile on my face and a song in my heart! (That's right! Today I'm Snow White, baby!)

1)      I am grateful for the fact that I can laugh at myself! It makes certain “incidents” more bearable. Such as yesterday’s forgetting your legs only work when they want to, so you manage to trip over a tree root while chasing baby ducks on a hill…and take a ride down the hill on your bum…which, defying all odds, bounces off EVERY exposed root and rock on the way down! Yep…it makes times like that a little less depressing when you can sit at the bottom of the hill covered in mud, leaves, and twigs and laugh in between the moans and yelps of, “OUCH! Explicative, explicative! Prolonged string of explicatives!”

2)      I am grateful that my hubby loves me and has learned to just shake his head at my awesome sense of personal style. For instance, today I am sporting purple fleece Tinkerbelle pajama bottoms, an olive tank, Oscar the Grouch hoodie, and lemon yellow and pink hair. Oh, can’t forget the sexy white anklets. I am the very PICTURE of style and grace! (The grace part comes from my Quasi-Moto strut I acquired from the above mentioned trip down a hill.)

3)      I am grateful no one else in the house is awake to see me eating microwave popcorn and coffee for breakfast!

4)      I am grateful that “Nature abhors a vacuum.” Because I do too…and a washing machine, and a kitchen sink for doing dishes, and a mop! (And with Nature on my side, how can I be wrong?)

5)      Finally…I am grateful for the readers who leave comments and let me know I’m not alone! (*clears throat noisily* Hint! Hint!) You guys are amazing…whether it’s here, Facebook, or e-mail, I appreciate all the support and encouragement. Thank you!

 OK. That’s my “happy thought” for the morning. What about you? What are you grateful for? Or, better yet…What’s your secret, naughty breakfast food?

May your day be filled with salty, sweet, empty calorie comfort foods…(OK, maybe not filled, but at least try to slip one in there somewhere…)

It's My Ball, So Play Nice!

 Good morning!

 Behold! The dangers of reading “How To” books and having WAY too much time on your hands! “You need a picture of yourself on the header,” it says. “You need a “catch-phrase” that describes your blog,” it informs. “Make it a reflection of you,” it teaches. What do you get? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING! That’s what!

 So….outside of changing a few colors here and there (I’ve GOT to have purple SOMEWHERE!) I think I might actually be done monkeying around with the “look” of the thing. I need honest opinions…what do ya think? Good…bad…ugly…leave it the heck alone, for crying out loud…?

 OK…I promised an update on “BIG” decisions…I’m firing everybody! (Well…I’m currently keeping the GI Gal. She has yet to yell at me for walking out on the last test. Besides, she listens, answers questions, and seems extremely knowledgeable. What’s not to like?)

 The rundown…GP, Doc X : Our last appointment, I asked to be taken off Meloxicam. Reason #1) I have turned into a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Water-Balloon! (By 5:00 PM, my hands and feet are so swollen I can’t stand for longer than five minuets at a time to cook supper…NOT COOL!) )Reason #2) (Actually…this is a deal-breaker in and of itself.) Migraines. I’ve had to use the “rescue” Meds six times in last two weeks…enough said. What’s the guy do? Switches me to another med…WITH THE SAME SIDE EFFECTS!

 Fine! I asked about irregular heart rate…was told sounded fine when he listened. Because ten seconds of a resting heart rate is SUCH an accurate representation of my entire existence…Thanks Doc! I feel MUCH better now! No more worries for me…(schmuck)

Next...Why fire the Rheumy? Welllll….Keep in mind the Hospital has five foot blow-ups of a Time Magazine cover telling you in gigantamous print “How To Pick The Doctor That Is Right For You” all over the flippin’ place…However, when I explain WHY I wish to switch Rheumys…DENIED! They don’t allow Doc hopping, it would seem.

 So…there you have it. I’m aware it looks as if I pretty much live to be difficult (and hubby might actually agree…when I can’t hear him…) but the reality is, I do my research. I meet them, talk to them, listen to them, ask my questions, and expect some form of answer. When I begin to receive opposing diagnoses (requiring different meds…) NOW I gots issues.

 When “status quo” refuses to play nice…I’ll just take my ball and go play somewhere else. And that is our right! Because, honestly…you shouldn’t HAVE to play with your health. Whether I’m a pain in their ego or not, really isn’t the point. The point is, your Doc should always be willing to listen to your concerns and address them in a responsible manner…and leave the sarcasm to me! *grin*

 OK. I’ll step down off the rant-box. Time to go chase birds and scavenge for breakfast!

 May your day be filled with ANYTHING in the world except Doc visits and tests!