Pain Hurts, Sharing Doesn't

 Good morning! Hey…ya know what? Pain hurts! No, seriously! It really does…(This concludes the dumb-ass-understatement portion of our day. We’ll now return you to your normal viewing…)

 I had an epiphany this morning. For the last four or five days I’ve noticed a distinctly more “serious” (read as less dork-nutty-goof-ball) tone to my writing. Not that that’s a bad thing, just an observation. I’ve also noticed my temper has gotten a wee bit shorter and my “come-backs” a tad bit snarkier.

 Then it hit me…I’m hurting!

 It’s such an odd thing, when you become so used to ignoring pain that it takes you days to realize its levels have REALLY gone up! *sigh* Looks like it’s time for a self-imposed isolation day of rest!

 Yesterday I updated a few of the pages, adding several new blogs (no, I was a dork and didn’t mark them as “New”…so I guess you’ll just have to visit ALL of them! *big cheesy grin*). I also added a few new websites, and a couple new books.

 Of course, as soon as I finished, Sara Ringer of "Inflamed & Untamed" posted a new Youtube channel and Facebook page! "Sick Girl Beauty Vlog" is designed for those of us sick chicks in need of the occasional tips and tricks dealing with hiding, covering, or down-playing some of the side effects of meds and illness. “Sick does not have to equal unconfident, unattractive, or ugly.”



Sara Ringer, a "Rock Star"
in the Colon Community!



 Then earlier this morning, I tripped across a link to a wonderful blog that was re-tweeted by This little slice of awesome is fun, funny, touching, poignant, and just an all-around great mood-lifter.

 a friend (Thanks Christina!), "The Animated Woman."

 You know what another good one is if you’re in need of putting a smile on your face? "Super Earthling." The fun, bright artwork and adorable stories are guaranteed to get you giggling and you’ll leave a bit lighter-hearted than when you arrived. (Besides, how can someone who loves chocolate as much as Super Earthling does be wrong?)

 Now that I’ve done my part to infect the World with a morning dose of Awesome, I’m off for a hot shower and an afternoon of nesting with a good book and a funny movie!

 May your day be full of time spent with family, big belly-laughs, as much pain-free-as-it-gets time, and memories of those who have given of their time and lives in service for our Country! Happy Memorial Day everyone!

Life In The Twisted Lane

Sclero-Bob will now demonstrate

 Good morning! Hey, I got one for ya…Vertigo makes the world go round! (How’s that for “sick” humor?) (Ok, you know what? I thought it was funny…so there!)



 This morning, after having issues finding the window ledge above my head and the screeching alarm clock perched on it (NEVER a good sign) I knew I was in for an “interesting” ride.  So it came as no surprise when I flopped out of bed…and proceeded to fall like a drunken tree back onto said bed. (Could have been worse…my Grandpa’s antique, glass-doored gun cabinet was on the other side of me. I may want to seriously think about moving that…*grin*)

what a bought of vertigo

 VERTIGO, my old friend, you’re back in full swing! *doubles over laughing at own wittiness* (Swing? Vertigo? Get it?)

 About 15 years ago I was diagnoses with Meniere’s Disease. (I’ve only recently discovered it’s classified as yet another autoimmune disease. Who knew!) The main symptom of this awesomely fun health glitch is vertigo.  It’s believed to be caused by too much fluid in the inner ear, BUT (Here’s the REALLY cool part!) they can neither confirm nor disprove the inner ear-fluid thing EXCEPT in an autopsy! (That one ALWAYS cracks me up!)

can make life look like.

 Any-who…the up-side is that it tends to hit remission fairly frequently and for long periods (at least in my case) and my bestest-bud, Mr. Antivert, helps immensely on the really off-kilter days.

 Why the heck-y am I boring the snot-knockers out of you with this?  (Why, thank you for asking!) Because vertigo and dizziness are symptoms of so darned many health glitches! (For instance, Multiple Sclerosis is close-friends with vertigo!) So I know a lot of folks out there can identify with the occasional need to sit back and watch the world go by...(Hey! There it goes again!...and again!...and again!...)

Only this all happens

 Besides, Verty-Go-Go (There is NOTHING weird about having pet-names for medical glitches!) always makes me think of music. Like the Goo-Goo Dolls’ “Dizzy Up The Girl”  or the Carole King classic “I Feel The Earth Move.” And no vertigo list would be complete without “I’m So Dizzy” by Tommy Roe. (Yes, I do have a song for every occasion!)

 Also, did you know vertigo can be fun? For one thing, when you’re in public with the family unit, you can embarrass the be-jinkies outta them by constantly listing to the left…and walking into the occasional end-cap or display. (People automatically assume you’re drunk, so all manner of goofy behavior will be ignored!)

while you're standing perfectly

 On a seriously bad day, you can inadvertently find yourself limping in left-spiraling circles. Just like a twin-engine boat that’s lost the port-side engine…slow, widening arch-to-the-lefts. Or, you think you’re walking just fine, until hubby grabs your arm because you’ve been leaning more and more toward meeting the ground! (“Hey floor! How’s it goin? Just thought I’d “drop in” for a visit.”) (*laughing like a drunk monkey with a lifetime supple of nitrous oxide* Drop in…get it?)

 The one no-no for these days? Driving. Oh yeah, because the world doesn’t stop moving at its own speed and angle just because I sit down. I don’t mind walking into things now and then, but driving into them? Yeah, not so much! *sigh*

STILL!

 But…it’s all part of life in the twisted lane! So I’ll sit back with a cold drink, a munchie or two, construct my “nest” and do my darndest to enjoy the ride!

 May your day be filled with life viewed at its proper angle and speed,  good friends, good food, and lots of love and laughter!

 PS- Just because I was amazed at the things that were accomplished by these folks despite the balance-impairment glitches, here’s a link to a list of well-known peoples who live with Menier’s!

This? It's my veiw of things after I fall over
and hit the floor!
Hi Bob!

It's Not PMS, It's A Manifesto!

 Good morning! I’m just gonna get the apology outta the way right up front…because I’m going to offend someone, but…that’s just the way I am! Oh, and also? This is NOT PMS, it's a Manifesto!

 Now…I am a couch-slug. I live my life in the on-my-ass lane. I ride a sofa like a pro. I am Gimperella. I sample life through a fibro-fog at the speed of sludge. I don’t trip the light fantastic…I’m just fantastic at tripping!



 And I am NOT PC! (Umm…that stands for “Politically Correct” not the whole “Mac vs PC” thing. Just sayin’…)

 I know I've mentioned in the past that a lot of the commenting thing goes happens on my Facebook page and yesterday a good friend was awesome enough to point out some problems with my World Couch-Slug Appreciation Day slogans…

“Because sick humor is healthy!”

“More fun on your bum!”

“Hug a slug!”



My contribution to the
WEGO Mug Shot Wall!



And then a wonderful contribution from another friend, “Sofa, so good!”

 The concern was that some of these bits of awesomeness would feed into the misconception that chronically ill folks are lazy and go all couch-slug because it’s fun.

 THAT’S when it hit me…I am NOT a PC kinda gal! Oh, I used to be…but at some unknown point, I simply stopped caring if I was offending everyone (read as “pretty much anyone”) with the ways in which I chose to live my life. Ya know why? Because I’m LIVING (wait for it…) MY life.

 Now, that’s not to say I go around using offensive terms. Hell NO! I am respectful of other peoples…(Oh yeah, there is a BIG difference between the two) but…if I tried to organize my words, actions, and delightfully off-beat sense of humor (I am OH SO humble!) around what someone might misinterpret or take offense to…I really would never leave my couch!

 So I am now on a mission…*slightly creepy giggle* I am reclaiming (if, in fact anyone has actually tried to claim it out from under me) the term Couch-Slug! (I’m also going after Zombie, Gimperella, Trippy-Tripenhoffer,  and Dumbass.) I will wear my air-headed, flat-bummed, trip-and-hop-ness with pride and joyfully explain to those who either question or point-and-laugh the true nature of my life-style!

 From now on I will joyfully limp-and-drag my way through life with the biggest doodie-eating-grin on my face, knowing I have the Super-Power of laughing at myself. And ya know what? People can feel free to either join in WITH me, or join in AT me. It’s their choice…(for which? I am not responsible.)

 But the key here…the whole point of my little too-early-morning rant? I will live MY life on MY terms and have one hellova good time doing it! Even if a portion of it is from the couch!

 May you day be filled with your life on your terms, joy, laughter, and just a hint of snarky-un-PC humor! Because in the end…it’s YOUR opinion of yourself that matters!

World Couch-Slug Appreciation Day

 My beloved…my precious, I long to again hold you in my hands and feel your warmth spread through my soul. I dream of your taste on my lips. You are my first thoughts as I open my eyes to another day. You are my reason to rise from my night-rumples sheets. You give purpose and strength to my every dawn…

 Coffee, I’m yours! (Please…don’t tell hubby! He’d never understand…)

 Good morning! No joke, this was what went running through my one-eye-opened brain today as I was trying to assemble clothes, brush my teeth, and limp-trip-run to the kitchen for my first cup! (I do NOT have a problem!!!)

Also? I may or may not have
spent time "playing" with the dog!

 Yesterday I spent finishing my Masterpiece for the Scleroderma Foundation’s contest and catching up on Social Media stuff. (Read as playing on the computer in a totally non-productive [but FUN!] way…)

 I did notice a bit of a running theme though, as I bounced from chat to chat…There were a LOT of people stuck on their couches or in their beds with health-flares (damned Gnomes!). And most of them were down-right miserable and feeling like either they didn’t have a life or it was passing by without them.

 Now hold the friggin’ phone, folks! I admit, couch-sluggin’ is not my first choice in vocations, BUT it can still be fun. (SERIOUSLY!) So today being Friday and all, I present for your perusal the Couch-slug’s top ten ways to have a blast while on your ass!

      Top Ten Ways To Have Fun Whilst Stuck On Your Bum!

This? It's the daughter's,
I SWEAR!

1)       OK, you may have to rearrange furniture, but start by placing your couch by a window facing another home…Because spying is AMAZING fun! From your primo seat, you can watch the neighbor’s coming and goings, all the while creating the most insane stories to explain their more-than-likely normal behavior. (Because, really? Normal is WAY boring!)

       And if you don’t live near peoples…watch the critters. (Those furry little buggers can NOT be trusted!)

2)       Spend your morning coloring packing peanuts black with a sharpie. Procure a rubber band or (better yet) a real sling-shot. Spend your afternoon using rubber band to shoot the now-black packing thingies ALL OVER the living room. When hubby or kids arrive home, act all panicked and tell them about the gigantimous rodent that tortured and mocked you all day…point to the black “turds” all over the place as proof! (Milkduds would be so much better…plus you could pick one up and eat it for a totally AWESOME gross-out effect! But who, I ask, wants to waste Milkduds?)

3)       When your family’s outta the room, get up and move random things six inches out of your “reach-zone.” Then hop back on the couch and start calling them in, asking them to fetch said item for you! “Honey, I’m sorry but I think I sat my drink down over there…Can you get it for me, please?” If your family is anything like mine, they will sigh and stomp a little (especially the fourth or fifth time in under an hour) but trust me on this, they will LOVE playing Fetch-it with you! (I know my kids would be ever so sad if I stopped this behavior…)

4)       Practice my special brand of mind-discipline…or as my kids call it, the art of ignoring everybody! It takes TONS of practice to train a mind to filter out every cry of, “MOM!” or, “HONEY!” coming from the far corners of a house full of family peoples. (Again? Bad grammar on purpose!) I like to think of it as my own personal cloaking device. If I pretend I can’t hear them and fail to respond, it’s like I’m in my own little world…where it’s oh, so peaceful…*happy sigh*

       You can also take this one a slightly different direction when you have company and pretend you’re invisible. Trust me on this, the confusion? HIL-A-RI-OUS!!!

Cool things to add to "The Nest"

5)       Create a nest. Start with a pillow and a blankie. Now add a few books, every remote in the house, some munchies, a drink, perhaps some crafting supplies, your electronic gadget of choice, maybe a cat or dog for variety…and mix it all together in a tangled web of snarled chaos…all over the couch! This effectively makes EVERYTHING impossible to find when someone (or you) needs it!

       Everything may be at your fingertips, but you’ll have to dig for it. This too can be a game the whole family can enjoy! (Especially hubby when he gets home from work and NO ONE can find the TV remote!) (Umm, sorry honey!)

6)       Pretend the house is a Starship and the couch is your Command Center. Now you can micro-manage EVERYTHING from your seat-of-awesomeness! Not only do the kids LOVE this game, but this way? I feel like I’m contributing so much more than simply sitting back and letting them do everything with no guidance…

7)       Bait the animals with snack-crumbs. Hey, not only does this lead to cuddle-time with my critter-companions, but it also solves the problem of being a messy eater…I gots my own, personal fur-covered Hoover!

8)       Watch hours of mind-numbing television (I'm currently stuck on The Big Bang Theory) and then annoy family with off-the-wall references! This game works best if at least one other person in the house watches with you (Thanks Celina!) so you both can (literally) fall out of your respective chairs laughing and snorting at your cleverness!

       And the blank, annoyed stares from everyone else? BONUS!

9)       Spend some time each day creating a repertoire of one-liner-come-backs for every eventuality. Some of my all-time favs are, “Sorry! I’ll do the laundry tomorrow!” “I know I saw it yesterday…no clue where it’s at now!” “I forgot to pull that outta the freezer. Looks like pizza for dinner!” “Watch your step, I forgot to clean that up!” "I didn't do it!" "The Gnomes did it!" And no list would be complete without, “I’ll get that next commercial.”

Toys? Pffft! These are "blogging" tools!
(Yeah, hubby doesn't buy it either.)

10)    Find your inner child! (Bonus points if it’s more of a “Bart Simpson” than “Lisa Simpson” kid!) Now…PLAY! Paper dolls, action figures, heck! I even have a doll house! (We told hubby it belongs to the daughter…Sshhh!) (And yes, I'm aware she's 19. Don't judge me!) Get some coloring books and crayons (FOR-GET about that “staying in the lines BS!) and color a purple dog or a pink unicorn.

       Get creative and have fun. LAUGH! Carry on conversations with your pooch making up a cool voice for his end of things. (Um, make sure no neighbors catch this one…the whole “CRA-ZY” misunderstanding could ensue.) (My daughter just read this and commented, "Umm...misunderstanding?" What the heck is THAT supposed to mean!?!)

 (Bonus #11 inspired by my daughter- Point-and-laugh at someone then have hours of enjoyment while they try and figue out what the hell is so damned funny!)

Super Slug. Official spokes-slug
of World Couch-Slug Appreciation
Day!

  Whatever you do remember, just because your body wants to pretend it’s Walter Matthau from “Grumpy Old Men” doesn’t mean your mind has to follow. Look for the FUN, the JOY in life, grab hold with both hands, and OWN that couch! (I swear, you CAN do this from both a seated and prone position. I’ve tried!)

 So, in honor of World Couch-Slug Appreciation Day (No, I did NOT just make that up!) find the time to try one of these out and make your own AWESOME, couch-fun filled day!!!

Enjoy The Ride

 Good morning! OK, call me crazy (or maybe say I lead one heck of a boring life) but I fell asleep last night thinking about what I was going to write this morning…(And a few nights ago I dreamed in Tweets! How’s THAT for an anxiety dream!) And now you’re wondering what I came up with. Well, too bad!

 Just kiddin! Actually, I fell asleep thinking about two things, some of the amazing posts I’ve come across this week and stretching myself outside of my comfort zone. As odd as it sounds, the two pretty much feed into each other.

 I’ve stated before (oh, so MANY times…) that what started out as a personal journey somehow morphed into me wanting to drag as many peoples (Yes, I LOVE using bad grammar on purpose!) as I could find along for the ride, raise awareness for invisible diseases, and remind people that they are Captains of their own Destinies. So it stands to reason that most of the sites I “haunt” are all about the same things.

 Here are a few of the awesome ones I tripped across this week...

Regina Holliday’s Medical Advocacy Blog:  "Error 404 in the Patient Advocacy Community" is, as always, an amazing post! This one is a bit different in that she’s asking for a little help from the readers.

 (And gotta add this Bonus for “hometown” pride!) "The Orchestra"  This painting is destined for the August 9, 2012 Association for Healthcare Documentation Integrity (AHDI) Annual Conference in Indianapolis, Indiana. (Where most of my Docs are located. Whoop! Whoop!) (And yes, hubby and I have been discussing looking into attending!)

WEGO Health Blog: "Health Activist Mentors: Blogger In Residency Program"  An amazing interview with Julianna of What The Jules  about her work with the Chronically Awesome community and her Blogger in Residency Program. Great article packed full of links!

 And my last share today is the one I’m allowing to challenge me…The Scleroderma Foundation is hosting a contest for the 2012 Scleroderma Awareness Month! I.AM.SCLERODERMA. Participants submit a “sclerodoodle” and the top 20 will then be posted on line for viewers to vote for their favorite.

 Yes…I “doodle” on occasion. But I DON’T share! I’ve never considered myself an artist, but I would LOVE the chance to attend the Conference (part of 1^st prize) and put my money (as opposed to my feet) where my mouth is when it comes to making a difference!

 So, I’ve been doodling. (Wish me luck!) And I WILL submit it! Even though, like most people, it makes me nervous and border-line queasy to think about strangers “judging” my work…*gulp*

 But ya know what? I KNOW I can’t grow without a bit of change. And change…is NEVER a comfortable thing (at least for me). So I’ll push myself out of that comfy-zone. I’ll put myself out there and take a chance. And regardless of the outcome, I’ll be a better person for trying and I’ll enjoy the ride for what it is…a chance to learn, grow, and meet the other people who are pitching in!

 May your day be filled with great writing, awesome art work, and at least one chance to grow as a person. And remember…Take time to enjoy the ride!

Fear Less, Laugh More!

 Good morning! Oh my, today is SO much better than yesterday! For starters, no headache (Oh yeah, happy dance goin’ on!) Also, I haven’t accidentally almost offed myself with my meds…(I swear, only I could manage to create a day like yesterday…and all by accident…)

 OK..so the day started off with a solid 8.5-headache on the pain scale. Rescue meds save my life, but the nausea hits. No problem! I gots the goods…anti-nausea meds. (Whoop! Whoop!) (I only take half a pill due to their tendency to render me unconscious for an average of six hours per whole pill.) I pop the pill and…

 Spend the next two minutes doing my best impression of a cat attempting to hork-up a hairball! The damned pill somehow managed to hit the back of my throat, fla,t cut side first…and it STUCK! (IT REALLY STUCK!!! TO MY THROAT!!! S-T-U-C-K!!! Like a frickin' wall-walker...) (Now THERE'S an '80's reference for ya!)

 I FINALLY managed to get the vile thing washed down…then the burning started. And kept burning! I tried EVERYTHING but it would NOT STOP burning! Then I couldn’t swallow…

 OK. Will NOT panic. Wake hubby and attempt to speak around the Niagara Falls of drool…Finally, through the use of elaborate sign language and multiple "Ack-Ack" sounds, manage to convey the fact that we may have to make a trip to ER, since I have NO CLUE what in the name of Batman is going on!

 I can still breathe and my throat isn’t swelling…just ON FIRE! We opt to play the “wait and see” game, sine I REALLY do NOT want to try and explain to Doc what occurred…(Besides, I have a track record. Accidental OD’ed on aspirin after tongue piercing, broke foot and chipped chin falling off a 1” sidewalk while standing still, busted HUGE vein in finger by stepping on it after tripping and falling UP the stairs, and the list goes on and on…)

 After a couple of hours, when the burn finally fades, we can see that the back of my throat is covered in what looks like poison ivy blisters. (AWESOME!!!) But, besides the wonderfully sore throat, I’m no worse for wear so we decide “crisis averted” and relax. Then…I got the munchies…

 Please understand, I am subject to some of the oddest food-combo cravings in the history of food cravings. Yesterday’s menu featured pumpkin pie filling and caramel ice cream topping. The first few bites were YUM-MY! Then…something was a little off. No problem! Add more caramel…I repeated this step three times before I realized what was “off”…

 The pie filling had a slightly carbonated “zing” to it. CRAP!!! It was BAD! As in NOT good!

 I briefly considered self-induced-removal, but throat covered in blisters + food-removal-contractions + stomach acid = BAD idea…so Nature eventually took its course. (I’m growing to HATE our bathroom!)

 As a result of being a complete idiot, I was the equivalent of a rung-out dishrag all day. (Hubby- “Are you going to the grocery store with me?” Me- Disbelieving stare-of-daggers. Daughter- “Mom, please don’t kill him!”)

 I did, however, force myself to try something new…something that intimidated me (as most technology does!) Something I’ve been cranking and whining about for a while now…I attempted to participate in my very first Tweet-chat! (Can we say epic fail?)

 It didn’t quite work so well…(did you know it’s an app thingy, so you’re in a virtual room kind-a-thing?) BUT, the important thing is I tried! (Yay me!) And I’ll keep at it until I figure it out. ‘Cause I am THAT kinda chick!

 So, today cannot help but be better than yesterday, since I currently have no plans to attempt me-a-cide with any meds or rotten canned goods. *crooked grin* And since this is a TERRIBLEY AWESOME TUESDAY, I may have to find something else that’s been intimidating me and give it a go…

 May your day be filled with safe meds and food, no sore throats (almost gone today!), and finding ways to overcome any odd-ball little fears of the unknown! (Fear less, laugh more!) (Hey, I think I just found a new moto!)

Yep...THIS Is My Life...

 Good morning! Well…it is now, anyway! I actually began my day on my knees. (Get your mind OUT of the gutter!) Yep, I awoke with a real Mother of a headache, complete with the nausea attachment. (Again, bouncing in my chair in praise of Migraine rescue meds that work!)

 Good news…head is tolerable. Better news…I’m a complete, giggly dork-wagon. (AWESOME meds!) Ya see, that way if the headache begins to escalate again, you won’t remember it actually hurts! Oh, you know what the bestest news is? I signed up for my first ever attempt at a Tweet-chat today! (THIS? Should be hilarious!)

 Since my brain is quickly turning to over-cooked cream-of-wheat, I figured I’d do something “special” this morning and share a few of the things that have been “shouted” at my house this week…just a little something to put a smile on your face! (Or make you back away slowly from the computer wondering what the heck is wrong with my family…) (It works either way. *grin*)

 "Man-cookies!"

 "Fudge-monkeys!"

 "Your jaw-line is bigger than your bra-line!"

 "Will someone please shave my butt?" (I SWEAR, this one was NOT me!)

 (Same NOT ME person) "Seriously! Just look how hairy my butt is!" (Then the NOT ME person was kind enough to illustrate his point!) (Yes, folks…THIS is the kind of life I live…)

 "I’m covered in cat snot again!" (Please note the use of the word "again"!)

 "Ummm…did you happen to notice if I yelled, “F@*K-nuggets!” when I was on the phone with the Nurse?" (Would NOT have been the first time…)

 "Monkey-lovin’ fudge-bird!"

 "Ummm…why is there an inflated glove with a face on it in the bathroom?" (So THAT’S where Glove-y ended up!)

 "Did you let the chickens out of the basement?" (It’s best not to ask…trust me on this!)

 "What is that smell and where in the world is it coming from!?!"

 "What’s wrong with talking about my Mommy-parts? You were all up-close and personal with ‘em on your way out, ya know!" (OK, in all fairness, this was NOT shouted-out at my house…it was in the middle of the grocery store…) (And I wonder why my kids never want to be seen in public with me!)

 "You don’t want to go down in the basement. My brother roams around in his underwear down there."

 And, to finish out with the sister-scream to the above warning…

 "MOM! Make him put pants on!!!"

 May your day be filled with pants, non-hairy-butt-showing persons, and a million reasons to laugh!

I Laugh (Or Sleep) In The Face Of Pain!

 Good morning! Yesterday one of my friends on Twitter posted the question, “How do you guys deal when you're physically having a painfully crappy day?” (Thanks @OneBloggerGirl!) I fired off an answer and thought nothing more about it the rest of the evening.

 This morning, I woke up and the first thing that went through my head (after, “Die f#*king alarm clock! DIE!) was my normal morning checklist…”Arms and legs responding? Check. Hands functional? Check. Neck working? Check. Headache? Minor. Chest tightness? Minimal. Back pain? Hell yeah! Stretching capabilities? (OOOWWWWW!) Check. All systems are go…”

 Then I attempted my standard morning tuck (yeah right!) and roll (read as flop) around the mini-zoo that had jimmied the bedroom door opened during the night and managed to fill ever vacant inch of the bed. Once my feet hit the floor, I basically used the forward (hopefully) momentum to propel me through the (God, I hope!) open door on to the bathroom. (Occasionally…door partially closed…you get the “THUD! Bounce” effect. AWESOME!)



I am the Jedi Knight of naps...
any time, any place...

  A few minutes later, as the caffeine was tickling my brain, my thoughts wondered back to her question…Since chronic illness and the always lovely Miss Fibro came to live with me, there are more mornings than not when half of my checklist is answered with a “No go” response. And pain? My newest, bestest buddy!

  Yes, most of us who live with chronic pain have an arsenal of pain meds and muscle relaxers at our disposal. Sometimes they help. Sometimes they more-than-likely only take the edge off, allowing us to breathe without clenched teeth.  Sometimes, they’re not even an option due to the lousy side effects.

  But how do you keep moving when your body and brain are trying to squeeze you like a lime wedge in a margarita from the inside out? Sometimes…you don’t. Sometimes, the best course of action is finding a comfy space, a fuzzy pink blankie (or color of your choice), and curling up to give your neurons time to settle down and let the moment pass.

 Yesterday on the Facebook group "Chronically Awesome Bloggers," Eddie Brown shared a link to the article “Exercise Improves Perceived Pain In Fibromyalgia Patients” from a study done at Georgetown University. (Thanks Eddie!) Many other Fibro Patients swear by “alternative” therapies such as biofeedback and acupuncture.

 But what if your pain isn’t Fibro related? What if exercise is out of the question? What if your insurance doesn’t cover alternative treatments?

 Then we’re back to my all-time favorites…if it’s muscular, I’ll take a LLLOOONNNGGGG soak in a warm/hot tub. (I’ve also become mildly addicted to IcyHot Patches.) The heating pads with the moisture pads are also killer!

 I maintain a large selection of humorous books on my Kindle, so I always have something to distract me and make me laugh. (Did you know laughing releases all kinds of amazing endorphins?)  Also…we’ve got a nice selection of comedies on DVD for the same purpose, in case I’m not up to reading. (Yep…the pain can get that bad!) Both of these activities? Done on my comfy couch while snuggled under my fuzzy, pink blankie. *grin*

 And if all else fails? SLEEP! Sleep is your body’s best defense against pain and the time it does its best healing work.  (Hey! There is NO shame in my napping-game!) (Sorry…hit my brain, had to be typed on the screen!)

Pink fuzzy blankie?
Check.
Kid rubbing feet?
TOTALLY paid!

 Lastly, because I am ALL about sharing my dirty little secrets…if you have a totally, amazingly AWESOME friend/spouse/child you can convince to do it…FOOT RUBS! There are actually pressure points on the feet (acupressure or reflexology) that correspond to any given area on your body.  (Personally…just squeeze the whole, damned thing!) It’s relaxing, feels GREAT (unless you’re like my hubby and FREAK if anyone touches your tootsies), and the touch therapy benefits make it a double bonus! (I have even been known to PAY my children to rub my feet…how sad is THAT?)

 Since I’m darn near to the two-page mark (AGAIN!) I guess I should STOP writing! (I need a job where I’m paid by the word. How awesome would THAT be!?!) I hope you found something here to help with those "off" days and to keep your life moving a bit smoother.

 May your day be full of FREE foot rubs (Hey kids...Hint! Hint!), long naps, and tons of cool stuff to keep you laughing!

Patient's Choice

 Good morning World! I’m sitting here being overwhelmingly happy that my body seems to have FINALLY recovered from its rebellion over yesterday’s test. *wipes sweat from brow in relief* Now, while I wait for my beloved chocolate and coffee to soak in (Hey, it IS breakfast food! And stop judging me!) I thought I’d prove that standing up for yourself CAN pay-off!

 I know I’ve made it abundantly clear that I have NOT been well-pleased with my GP, Doc X. I’ve complained, thrown a few tantrums, and listed off the reasons he is NOT the right Doc for me. A few weeks ago I FINALLY put my money where my mouth is.

 I’d asked a Nurse Practitioner friend (who is well acquainted with my AWESOME personality!) if she could recommend someone. Then I asked a few other friends and one name kept coming up, Doc Internist Guy. Monday I had my first appointment with him…and I LOVE him! (And yes, I did give him my “Doc Patient Terms Of Partnership Agreement.”)

 The guy was amazing about listening, answering questions, and agreed we should be “partners” in my care! (Whoop! Whoop!) I expressed a few concerns, he came up with a couple different approaches we could try…MY CHOICE!

 And even though his office hasn’t gone to e-files yet, when I checked-out I was given a print-out of my visit-notes for my home files...WITHOUT having to ask for it!



My "stay home" and
"travel" med file folders.



 Next, I have also “expressed” some slight…”dissatisfaction” with my Rheumy. *giggles a bit at understatement* No…the University will not let me switch to the Doc of my choice (utters a few foul words under breath) however, Doc A+ (yep, the new guy’s official name) understood my reasoning for wanting to switch and set me up with a new Rheumy! (again…Whoop! Whoop!)

 Ya gotta understand, I HATE switching Docs! It’s a monumental pain in the posterior end…The more names that appear in your files, the more “difficult” you’re perceived to be and the harder it becomes to convince yet another “new guy” to take you seriously.  BUT…if your Doc is NOT either the right fit or addressing your legitimate health concerns…then it’s time to move on!

 My Rheumy was a very competent Doc, however I have deep concerns about her diagnosis of Scleroderma. Yes, my blood work shows a “weak positive” for the indicators…BUT no further testing to confirm or refute this diagnosis was ever done. (Also, the ANA with Nucleolar patterning could be indicative of a number of other problems, hence the need for further testing.)

 When I’ve brought this to her attention during visits, I’ve been poo-pooed and assured blood doesn’t lie, even though she doubts her own diagnosis due to lack of skin involvement. Also, when I asked about Sjogren’s Syndrome, (Can we say I’ve got a textured callus on my forever-dry eyeball and deteriorating eyesight?) I was told if I thought I had it to use Visine and drink more water. (W-T-F!?!)

 Just for the record, I am NOT writing this all out as a cheap therapy/whining session. (I SWEAR!) I want all you new folks struggling with understanding and learning to live with your health problems to know…it is your right to receive proper medical attention that addresses your worries and questions and does NOT leave you feeling frightened, confused, or like a hypochondriac!

 And in the event you are not receiving that kind of care…move on! Find the best fitting Doc for you, because just like underwear, one size does not fit all. (Also like underwear, some are closer to assholes than others. *grin*) (Or was that closer to BEING assholes…)

 Anyway…I’ve said in a million times before, so repeating it one more time ain’t gonna hurt anything. Get copies of ALL your medical files. Read, research, make notes, ask questions, read some more, and then ask MORE questions! Learn what all the numbers and big Doc words mean so you can understand what’s going on with your ole bod…

 In the end, great healthcare it not only your right, but your health is ultimately your reasonability!

 May your day be as pain-free-as-possible and your medical files light weight and (in a perfect world) written in English!

 One last thing…to all my friends who do battle with their colons…HAPPY WORLD IBD AWARENESS DAY! May there soon come a day when such slogans are no longer needed and more of your time in the bathroom is spent pampering yourself in a decadent bubble bath and less of it holding court from your Throne!

Test Lab Fun & Fart Sounds!

Glove-y...my latex friend!

*5-21-2012 Sadly, Nurse Megan just called and asked me to remove her pictures. It seems her Manager didn't think it was such an awesome idea...*sigh*

 Good morning! (My hubby is a bone-head for not wanting to play with me!) I am currently sitting in a Testing Lab at IU Health Center, trying desperately to keep my eyes open! I’m thinking the belches from the shot of fructalose I did half an hour ago are all that’s keeping me awake…that and dreams of hot, dark, caffeine-laden coffee!

 And my bum is sound asleep…and hubby has my glove-balloon…and he won’t talk to me because he’s reading…and I WANT COFFEE!!! (Um, yeah. This is what happens when you try to write and your brain went back to bed. Sorry!)

 OK…I’m home now and after ingesting approximately 60ozs of diet soda, 30ozs of coffee, and a fudge brownie sundae, I finally feel ALIVE! Ya know, it’s always a shock to discover just how deeply dependent I have become when it comes to caffeine…*sigh* (However, since I have a pantry fully stocked with containers of coffee, I’M TOTALLY COOL WITH THIS!)





 So…since today is Friday (at least I think it is) it MUST be time for a Top Ten list. And since I had the privilege of spending the morning blowing up a bag for an awesome Nurse (who gave me permission to take and post her picture on here) today’s list HAS to be fun things to do when trapped in a testing lab!

 (Keep in mind, I was pretty much incoherent  during this experience…which may or may not have made things appear more fun than they were!                                                         Top Ten Fun Things To Do When Trapped In A Test Lab!

Indy's amazing too-damned-early
skyline!

1)      Act like a TOTAL tourist and amuse the other patients in the waiting area by taking tourist-y pics of the skyline while pointing, laughing, and bouncing in your chair like a five year old!

2)      Waste valuable Latex Gloves by blowing them up and drawing faces on them. (Awesome Nurse Megan even requested a chicken glove-balloon! How flippin’ cool is that?)

3)      Use above mentioned glove-balloons to play glove-volleyball with hubby! (After 15 minutes of non-stop harassment, he finally gave in and played with me! YEAH!!!)

Smart Pill?

4)      Kill time taking spy pictures of the equipment to later sell to the Ukrainians. (OK…not really, but I was fascinated by the equipment labeled “Smart Pill.” All I want to know is…where do I get these pills and do they work? ‘Cause I REALLY could use one to counteract the brain fog..) (Or…possibly to counteract the “Smart-Ass Pill” I took by accident!)

5)      Giggle at the fart sounds the syringe made EVERY TIME Megan fed my breath into the machine. (Another reason she was totally cool…she laughed too!)

Breath collection...
in a bag!

6)      Annoy the Nurse by begging for caffeine EVERY TIME she enters the room! (Breath samples were taken every 15 minutes for 3 hours…so THAT…was a LOT of begging!)



7)      Reach point of total caffeine-deprivation and fall over comatose in chair.

8)      Use the hospital’s wireless connection to read and respond to messages while in the throes of brain-fry and have NO IDEA who or what you replied to. (It’s always fun to go back and re-read what the heck you actually wrote after your brain starts working again!) (Oh, and I apologize to all of those who received said messages. *grin*)





9)      Poke fun at hubby (who’s currently ignoring you again.) (And no, the fact that I was asleep is no excuse!) Nurse Megan even joined in: “That’s a…uhhh…manly cover you’ve got on your Kindle…” (Hubby was using mine with the skull-and-pink-bow on the front. *insert  pointing and giggling here*)

And, last but not least…

10)   As soon as the test is over, hit the halls like it’s the Indy-flippin’-500 in search of a vending machine! (Duck…dodge…dash…I can SMELL the caffeine!) (And I only seriously considered mugging a Hospital Employee for their golf cart once…so I WAS being well-behaved!)



The freaky, little
fart-sound-machine!



 Oh, and since it’s been, what? A whole week since I involved poo humor…let’s just say, for those of you who ever have the absolute FUN of taking this test? It would appear that you’re fine until you add food to the Devils brew that your empty stomach will become. Then…let’s just say, I am having SERIOUS flash-backs to the whole “white-out” Barium episode…(Writing? TOTALLY happening from my Throne!) *almost falls off Throne laughing so hard*

Habitat For Humanity was building two houses
in the park across from the Hospital.
How cool is that?

May your day be filled with tons of laughter (hopefully NOT while tied to your Throne) and wonderful, FUN people like Nurse Megan! (Thank you so much for being such a GREAT sport! We are so LUCKY to have Nurses like you to take care of us. You ROCK!)

PS A completely cool fact- IU Med Center is in the process of switching everything to E-Patient, which means as soon as the results of my tests are available, I recieve them in my Patient E-mail. I consider myself BEYOND lucky to have this kind of access to my records WITHOUT paper files! Thanks IU for making our lives a little bit easier!