Tuesday, June 5, 2012

I'm Flippin' Giddy!

 Good morning! Can I just say, I am flippin’ giddy as hell today! That’s right, I said GIDDY!
 Remember me mentioning the sclerodoodle contest of Scleroderma Awareness Month? (Which is going on right now, by the way!) Well…I made the top 15! (Whoop! Whoop!)
 I am so excited, it ain’t even funny!
 So…(like you didn’t see this coming) I’m gonna ask everyone a favor. Follow the link and vote for your favorite! That’s right, I’m not even asking you to vote for mine, (#8, by the way) just to vote for the one you like best!
 Oh, and while you’re there? Feel free to click on any of the other links…peruse the awesome info all over the site…and pass it on!
 Yes, this is a short post today, but I just CAN’T sit still long enough to write this morning! I’m still too bouncy! (And giddy!)
 May your day be filled with things to make you as obnoxiously happy as Tiggr, maximum giddiness (my word of the day), and lots of sharing of really cool links! (Like this one…for a contest…that a certain blogger may be entered in…*falls out of chair laughing at own hilariousness*)

Monday, June 4, 2012

One (Big-Mouthed) Voice!

 Good morning! Change. Not the kind I dig through the couch cushions for, but the “making a difference” kind…We ALL, illin’ or healthy, live with it daily, since nothing can exist in a vacuum. (Except Dust Bunnies…Wait, different vacuum!)
 This morning, while “playing” on my Facebook page (and just for the record, if it wasn’t for all my awesome friends I chat with, I would SO dump the heap-of-insanity that it is becoming! OK, mini-rant over…) As I was saying, (before I was interrupted by my slight bitterness *guilty grin*) I was playing on FB when I stumbled upon a link to a petition calling for an end to preventable medical errors. (Ummm, did you know that preventable medical errors are the 6th leading cause of death in America!?!) (Pardon my lingo, but damn! Just…DAMN!)
 I sat and thought about passing over it, moving on…listening to the little voice that automatically chimed in with, “Why bother? One person can’t make a difference with anything!”
 But wait a darned minute! The entire premise of what I do every morning, writing out my deepest, darkest medical mayhem and misadventure, is based on the idea that I might be able to HELP at least one person feel a tiny bit better about their situation!
 Whether it’s info on how to take control of your healthcare, or simply allowing yourself to laugh at the “everything” of it…It’s the reason I drink a couple pots o’liquid caffeine-infused-bliss and let my fingers do the talkin’! (Bonus points if you’re old enough to get the yellow pages reference…and extra points if you’ve now got the little walking-fingers guys stuck in your head!)
 So why is it so hard to believe that my electronic signature would make a difference? Why is it so hard to believe one voice out of many wouldn’t be heard? (Come to think of it, I gots one hell-of-a BIG mouth! I’m pretty sure I can MAKE my voice heard in just about ANY situation!)
 I freely admit that I’m not the biggest “player” in anything remotely political. I’ve told you guys before that I’m much more of the Court Jester type…but even Jesters can make a difference! (My youngest informed me yesterday that NO ONE likes Jesters and in whatever video-based game he’s currently playing, Jesters and Bards are the first to go…Thanks Son!)
 The long (as always!) and short of it is…I signed. I raised my voice for something I believe in. I put on my Jester’s hat and bells and cavorted (THAT? Is an AWESOME word!) and loudly pointed out the fact that things need to change!
 So, I’m asking all of you to see if you can do ONE TINY THING today to make a change…no matter how small. Whether you find a way to make someone’s life a happier place with a wee-bit of laughter, help someone who needs it, sign a petition (Hint! Hint!), or simply change the way you look at the world for the better, just raise your voice a little!
 May your day be filled with belief in yourself, compassion and a smile for others, and taking the chance to raise your voice…with style!

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Welcome To The Funhouse!

 Good morning! Welcome to the “Funhouse!” Yes, today we enter that oh, so awesome Carnival trip…where nothing is truly as it seems! It’s “life” as seen through the eyes of illness!
 As you enter you see the infamous Room of Mirrors to your left…we know we shouldn’t enter, but we always do! The warped distortions of reality stare at us from every angle…we’re too fat, too thin, our color is WRONG. Our body parts are reflected back at us from every possible angle in every possible way, except the clear, correct view.
 And as always, we linger too long here, caught up in the horror and confusion of it all…
 Eventually we pull ourselves away, passing into a room full of strobe lights where the floor is uneven and grotesque Clowns pop out of hidden doors, scaring the turd-muffins out of us! We’re confused…we trip, maybe even fall a time or two. We jump at the popping Clowns (I flippin' HATE clowns!) and turn in circles, looking for a way out.
 Our final stumble takes us through the impossible-to-find door into a seemingly peaceful, shiny room…too shiny! (GREAT!) This one is apparently constructed of slick, well-polished metal surfaces where we slip and slide, unable to get the traction needed to move on. No matter what we try, the ice-like floor mocks us, leaving us running in place for what seems an eternity…
 If we persevere, we eventually make it through the crazy, WRONGLY-named House of Fun and back outside. We stand in the warming Sun as the gentle, afternoon breeze calms us and carries the anger, frustration, and border-line panic far away from our “here and now.”
 This, my friends, is so similar to living with a chronic illness that I doubt I even need to go on explaining it! (But I’m going to anyway, so there!) The only difference? It’s not an actual “house” but our minds and bodies that create the ride. (And the price of admission? So NOT worth it!)
 Today I will admit that I’m currently trapped in the Hall of Mirrors…everything distorted and made ugly by pain, worry, and fatigue. It sucks! (Wait, it doesn’t just suck, it sucks on toast! It sucks on ice! It’s suck-a-tude on a cracker!)
 Ahhh…but the worst part? It would be so very easy to stay here. So effortless to simply close my eyes and allow my back to comfortably rest against the gentle curve of the mirror behind me…the cool surface feels lovely and welcoming. The air is pleasantly warm with just a slight hint of the disinfectant they used to clean…
 The hard part is fighting my way out of the lies that surround me. Fighting my way back through all the confusing bullshit, back to the sun and the breeze and freedom!
 About now (or three or four paragraphs back) you’re saying, “This is really NOT funny! Why are you telling us this crap?”
 Because it’s a normal part of our lives. Because no one (unless you’re possibly assisted by the much-sought-after “happy pill”) can be a Positive-Polly or Optimistic-Oprah all the darned time! There are days we’re trapped in one room or another, and that’s OK…as long as you keep working your way through. (Even if you gotta call in the troops to help you find your way to the Exit!)
 And this? Is one of the MANY reasons I love the “Fight Like a Girl” memes and stuff…Because it reminds me to not get too comfy and lay down on the job!
 And guys…let me put your mind at ease about the “sexist nature” of the whole “Girl” part of it…Think about this a minute. Most of the “guy fights” I’ve seen are pretty straight up. Punches are thrown, maybe a few kicks to the ribs, but nothing too ugly…knuckles and flesh…(and possibly blood.)
 Now, have you ever watched a couple of girls go at it? (There is a reason they call them “cat fights.”) It is an all-out, free-for-all, no-holds-barred, ass-kick fest! Scratching, biting, hair-pulling…you name it, they’ll do it to win! And THAT is how I fight! (I mean metaphorically speaking…I’m WAY past the age of street brawls…) (Umm...if my kids are reading this, then I NEVER got in fighters...ever...REALLY!)
 So…to all of you out there this morning who may be feeling a little on the “down” side…it’s OK, just don’t quit! Call in for back-up, dust off your knuckle, tie the hair back (it’s harder to pull that way) and let’s start fighting our way back to the sunny-side of things!
 May your day be filled with beautiful sunshine, no freaky Fun Houses, and lots of Girl-Fight moxie!  

Saturday, June 2, 2012


You know what? It was just too
darned cute!
 Good morning! It's Saturday…the weekend…time for a rest…BWAAAAA HHHAAAA HHHAAAA!!! (That’s right, it’s the weekend so I gets a day of “rest”!) (If I do, it’s actually called “Vodka” not “Weekend”!)
 Hey, there’s a thought…maybe I should petition the AMA to create a “Weekend Pill” for those of us whose health can sometimes seem like a full-time job. A sweet, little pill we take at, say…10:00PM on Friday night? We then wake up on Saturday to enjoy our weekend free from the worries and woes of the body!
 No, it wouldn’t make us “all better,” (Umm, that would be a “cure” not “time off.” Just sayin’…) but would probably be more along the lines of “don’t care” for a couple of days. The proverbial “Happy Pill”!
 Of course, as I mentioned before, we currently have vodka and fine, fine wine for that purpose…But a girl can dream. *combination giggle-and-sigh*
 While they’re at it, perhaps they could work on a “Dumb-Ass Pill” or a “Foot-In-Mouth Pill” for those of us who never managed to master certain social skills? (Vodka? Would NOT work for this one. Trust me on this…it tends to make the “problem” WORSE!)
 You know what? I just realized I’ve mentioned “vodka” quite a bit here…Not sure if I should be concerned or not...
Vodka: “No…no need for concern. You’re just missing me. After all, it has been a long time.”
Me: “What the…”
Vodka: “Relax, it’s just me. Remember? We had some great times, you and I!”
Me: (Screw it! I’ll just go with it.) “Great times? Let’s see…would those be the staggering into doors and people, saying completely inappropriate crap, or spending time on my knees to the Porcelain God?”
Vodka: “Ummm…are you talking about the time you spent with me or your life now?”
Me: “Damn it!”
Vodka: “You know what? Now that I think about it, you look drunk most of the time now without my help. Really sweetie, the only thing you’re missing is my hang-over…”
Me: “OK. A bottle of Vodka just called me “sweetie”…I’m thinking perhaps it’s time for a call to the Doc about adjusting some meds…Oh, and that last comment? Bite me!”
 May your day be filled with reprieves from the usual aches and pains, kicking back with friends and family…and NO TALKING BOOZE BOTTLES! (I REALLY need more coffee!)

Friday, June 1, 2012

Doc-To-English Phrase Dictionary

 Good morning! This is actually the second post I wrote this morning, but the first? Yeah well…some things just should NEVER see the light of day and I’m pretty certain that was one of them! So, I shall begin again…
 It’s Friday once more and time for the Top Ten list! I figured today would be a GREAT time for the Top Ten translations of things Docs say! (Since I was a “victim” of a failure to understand the hidden meaning of one yesterday, it seemed like a GREAT idea!) (OK, so I'm still slightly bitter about it...*giant achey-post-biopsy grin*)
 So, here goes nothin’…(and hopefully…NO law suits!)
     Top Ten Hidden Meanings Behind Things Docs Say
1)       “This isn’t going to hurt a bit.”
Translation: “Brace yourself, ‘cause this? Is REALLY gonna hurt!” (And if it’s a Dentist? It will be delivered with a lovely, HUGE smile!) (Steve Martin? “Little Shop Of Horrors?” Yeah, I’m so there!)

Can someone expain WHY they
don't use locals for these things?
2)       “We just want a second look, nothing to worry about.”
Translation: “We’re going to lure you back with promises of a simple look-see then surprise you with a biopsy!” (Damn flesh-thieves!) (Oh, and you? WILL worry! A LOT!)

3)       “Just relax. You’re going to feel a slight pressure.”
Translation: “Ooooouuuucccchhhhhh!!!!!!” Enough said.

4)       “Let’s try this new medication. It should help and really has no significant side-effects.”
Translation: “This new pill the Drug Rep is pushing like candy-covered-crack is going to A) be EX-PEN-SIVE and B) is going to mess your system up like a chemical Tsunami off the coast of WTF! Good luck!”

5)       “All the tests came back normal.”
Translation: “You REALLY should get a copy and go over them on your own, because there were a few small abnormalities, but I really am not interested enough to pursue a deeper investigation as to the causes. *snore*”

6)       “Hmm…No, that’s completely normal.”
Translation: “Any statement I begin with ‘Hmmm' needs reevaluation by someone else, since ‘Hmmm’ really means ‘I have NOT flippin’ idea!’”

7)       “I understand your concern, but…”
 Translation: “STOP ASKING QUESTIONS and I HATE Web-MD!”

8)       “It’s probably just a virus.”
Translation: “Your time’s up and I’m bored.”

9)       “It’s probably just a pulled muscle.”
Translation: “Your time’s up and I’m bored.”

10)    “It’s nothing to worry about. Get lots of rest and drink plenty of fluids and call next week if it doesn’t improve.”                                                                                                    Translation: “Your time’s up and I’m bored.”
 There ya have it...your Doc-to-English phrase Dictionary. Hopefully, you’ll find something of use. (Or at least get a good, knowing-laugh!*grin*)
 Oh, and before I go I just want to throw in a tiny bit of shameless self-promotion…The Patients For A Moment: Starting Fresh Blog Carnival went live last night. (Yep, I’m in it! *cheesy grin*) Here’s hoping you’ll find the time to check out the awesome blogs and writers featured!
 May your day be filled with good friends, good food, good laughs, and no mis-communications!

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Chris-Hulk And The Happy Med Gods!

 Good morning! Yesterday I started this LONG (I know, what else is new?) “BLAH BLAH” piece about crankiness, new meds, time for your body to adjust, and general snarkiness. Then I fell asleep. (OK, then I took the old meds and fell asleep!)
 The last few weeks Doc A+ has been trying to wean me off one med (that is a wonder-drug for me when it comes to pain management, but NOT a friend of my liver) while simultaneously trying to find the right dose of a new med…this is NOT working out well…or much at all…And while this whole “adjustment” process has been going on, by bod and moods have gone HAYWIRE! (Enter Chris-Hulk, the psycho-bitch-beast of the Mid-West!)
 So…yesterday I “threw in the towel” so to speak. I recognized my system had found its limits and was pushing back. I may be back to two pills-a-day of old med and one of new med (Which is actually less than half the old med I had been taking, so Bonus points for the liver!) but it’s a balance both my mind, body, and Doc can live with. (Oh, and my family…they’re MUCH happy we added the second pill back in!)
 Most of us Chronically Illin’ folks seem to spend so much of our time worshipping at the “Temple of Pharmacopeia”…and it’s such a balancing act to find the right combo to lie upon the “Altar of Functional Life.”  I’ll tell ya what…as someone who HATES to take pills, I know when the mix is good and the Med Gods are happy, my systems are “Go” and all is right with the world. *happy sigh*
 This is a good lesson…*pushes glasses to end of nose and gets the pointy “teacher-finger” going* Know your bod and its limits. Communicate this info to your Doc…frequently. (You mind, body, and anyone in close proximity will appreciate it!)
 And Chris-Hulk again sleeps…*falls over on table laughing as imagines the opening sequence for the Incredible Hulk with her face instead of Dr. Banner’s*
 I’m not pain-free and probably never will be. I can’t drink and have to watch what goes in so as not to overtax my liver…but this is a level I can live a pretty darned full life around. And that? Is a thing of beauty!
 (OK, by adding the second pill back in, I’ll go through another couple weeks of morning-fuzzy-brain…perhaps I should consider posting in the afternoon for a while? *foggy-brained smile*)
 I’m fairly sure I had a point when I started typing…and I sincerely hope I’ve already made it in a moderately coherent manner…because all I can think about right now? An overwhelming desire for a Choco-Taco! (Darn you stupid subliminal messages imbedded in stupid commercials!)
 May your day be filled with a distinct lack of Hulk-moments, mucho happy Med Gods, and all the Choco-Tacos your heart desires!!! (Now, where are my keys and the nearest store with ice cream…)

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

"Planting" Fears And Growing Friends

 Good morning! Whoooo! *wipes brow in sign of relief* Today my body is SO much happier with me and all it took was 12 hours slug-time on the couch! (BUT…that’s a huge part of what we have to do, know our limits and when it's time to just STOP and recoup!) Besides, “nesting” gave me the chance (or excuse? *grin*) I needed to do something I’d been thinking about for a few days.
Corner "snippet" of sclerodoodle.
 You guys remember last week I was blabbing about overcoming little fears that limit our ability to live the lives we want to the fullest? Yeah, well…I took a HUGE step for me! Yes, I submitted my sclerodoodle, but I didn’t stop there.
 Yesterday I nested with my artsy-craftsy stuff and created a pic that represented for me what it is all of us “do” on the inter-webz...grow community. (Sorry grammar-purists! I like using fun-sounding words! Feel free to post comments and corrections in red type.) And I posted it! (Little fear #1 whooped-on!)
 (Little fear #2, prepare to meet your maker!) (Oh, wait...that's me. Ummm...disregard that last statemet!) 
 Now, I am a creature of habit. I get REALLY nervous around other people, since I suffer from a life-long bout of foot-in-mouth disease. So mostly, I tend to hang back and keep quiet in social situations. (Even in the realm of on-line stuff.) This? Truly limits one's socializing options. (Unless my cats count…)
 So a few weeks ago, I did something I NEVER thought I’d catch me doing…I hit the “reply” button on a Tweet from someone I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW!!! And you know what happened? I’ll be snookered if they didn’t just “Reply” back…but “Followed” back as well! (HOLY CRAP!)
 Then? They “introduced” me to two other people…who each in turn introduced me to another person…(And I have yet to need a crow-bar to pull my feet out of my mouth.)

 I figured I’d already gotten my toes wet, so I took another plunge. I started leaving comments on blogs and pages of other people I didn’t know! (Funny…you’d think a woman who can speak freely about her “bowel-creations” would have NO problem chatting-up total strangers! Who woulda thunk it?)

 I’m not gonna lie, I still feel the occasional twinge of nerves before I hit the “Post” button…and it’s a LOT easier on-line to approach a stranger than it would be in real face-to-face life…but it’s not just a first step in facing some of my personal back-riding-monkeys, it’s also working the soil of the on-line community! Helping to grow something we can all be proud of. (See how I did that? Tied it back into the whole artsy-craftsy thing? Yeah...I'm sneaky that way!)

Growing Community

 Recently, I also caught myself “posting comments” to a few never-seen-you-before-in-my-life people I’ve come across in public. And the freakiest things have happened because of it…I’ve ended up carrying on conversations with some very nice people and we’ve both continued on our way with smiles on our faces and a few laughs under our belts.
 Huh…you know, maybe it does translate a bit to the “real world”…

 Lesson learned: I was able to use social media to be, ya know…SOCIAL, and the Great Moderator of Oz didn’t swoop in and block me from the page! Instead? The Lollipop Guild gave me a lollipop and the Lullaby League…banned me from EVER signing in public for the rest of eternity! (But that’s another story!)
 Now, if someone could just help me overcome a teeny, tiny, little fear of port-o-pots and the evil trolls that live in their depths and get a hoot out of tipping them over at the most inopportune times, I’d REALLY appreciate it!
 May your day be filled with smiles for and from strangers (just not the creepy ones in over-coats), pushing past your nerves and trying something new, and doing something (however small) to help grow your community of choice!

Monday, May 28, 2012

Pain Hurts, Sharing Doesn't

 Good morning! Hey…ya know what? Pain hurts! No, seriously! It really does…(This concludes the dumb-ass-understatement portion of our day. We’ll now return you to your normal viewing…)
 I had an epiphany this morning. For the last four or five days I’ve noticed a distinctly more “serious” (read as less dork-nutty-goof-ball) tone to my writing. Not that that’s a bad thing, just an observation. I’ve also noticed my temper has gotten a wee bit shorter and my “come-backs” a tad bit snarkier.
 Then it hit me…I’m hurting!
 It’s such an odd thing, when you become so used to ignoring pain that it takes you days to realize its levels have REALLY gone up! *sigh* Looks like it’s time for a self-imposed isolation day of rest!

 Yesterday I updated a few of the pages, adding several new blogs (no, I was a dork and didn’t mark them as “New”…so I guess you’ll just have to visit ALL of them! *big cheesy grin*). I also added a few new websites, and a couple new books.
 Of course, as soon as I finished, Sara Ringer of "Inflamed & Untamed" posted a new Youtube channel and Facebook page! "Sick Girl Beauty Vlog" is designed for those of us sick chicks in need of the occasional tips and tricks dealing with hiding, covering, or down-playing some of the side effects of meds and illness. “Sick does not have to equal unconfident, unattractive, or ugly.”

Sara Ringer, a "Rock Star"
in the Colon Community!

 Then earlier this morning, I tripped across a link to a wonderful blog that was re-tweeted by This little slice of awesome is fun, funny, touching, poignant, and just an all-around great mood-lifter.
 a friend (Thanks Christina!), "The Animated Woman."
 You know what another good one is if you’re in need of putting a smile on your face? "Super Earthling." The fun, bright artwork and adorable stories are guaranteed to get you giggling and you’ll leave a bit lighter-hearted than when you arrived. (Besides, how can someone who loves chocolate as much as Super Earthling does be wrong?)
 Now that I’ve done my part to infect the World with a morning dose of Awesome, I’m off for a hot shower and an afternoon of nesting with a good book and a funny movie!
 May your day be full of time spent with family, big belly-laughs, as much pain-free-as-it-gets time, and memories of those who have given of their time and lives in service for our Country! Happy Memorial Day everyone!

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Life In The Twisted Lane

Sclero-Bob will now demonstrate
 Good morning! Hey, I got one for ya…Vertigo makes the world go round! (How’s that for “sick” humor?) (Ok, you know what? I thought it was funny…so there!)

 This morning, after having issues finding the window ledge above my head and the screeching alarm clock perched on it (NEVER a good sign) I knew I was in for an “interesting” ride.  So it came as no surprise when I flopped out of bed…and proceeded to fall like a drunken tree back onto said bed. (Could have been worse…my Grandpa’s antique, glass-doored gun cabinet was on the other side of me. I may want to seriously think about moving that…*grin*)
what a bought of vertigo
 VERTIGO, my old friend, you’re back in full swing! *doubles over laughing at own wittiness* (Swing? Vertigo? Get it?)
 About 15 years ago I was diagnoses with Meniere’s Disease(I’ve only recently discovered it’s classified as yet another autoimmune disease. Who knew!) The main symptom of this awesomely fun health glitch is vertigo It’s believed to be caused by too much fluid in the inner ear, BUT (Here’s the REALLY cool part!) they can neither confirm nor disprove the inner ear-fluid thing EXCEPT in an autopsy! (That one ALWAYS cracks me up!)
can make life look like.
 Any-who…the up-side is that it tends to hit remission fairly frequently and for long periods (at least in my case) and my bestest-bud, Mr. Antivert, helps immensely on the really off-kilter days.
 Why the heck-y am I boring the snot-knockers out of you with this?  (Why, thank you for asking!) Because vertigo and dizziness are symptoms of so darned many health glitches! (For instance, Multiple Sclerosis is close-friends with vertigo!) So I know a lot of folks out there can identify with the occasional need to sit back and watch the world go by...(Hey! There it goes again!...and again!...and again!...)
Only this all happens
 Besides, Verty-Go-Go (There is NOTHING weird about having pet-names for medical glitches!) always makes me think of music. Like the Goo-Goo Dolls’ “Dizzy Up The Girl”  or the Carole King classic “I Feel The Earth Move.” And no vertigo list would be complete without “I’m So Dizzy” by Tommy Roe. (Yes, I do have a song for every occasion!)
 Also, did you know vertigo can be fun? For one thing, when you’re in public with the family unit, you can embarrass the be-jinkies outta them by constantly listing to the left…and walking into the occasional end-cap or display. (People automatically assume you’re drunk, so all manner of goofy behavior will be ignored!)
while you're standing perfectly
 On a seriously bad day, you can inadvertently find yourself limping in left-spiraling circles. Just like a twin-engine boat that’s lost the port-side engine…slow, widening arch-to-the-lefts. Or, you think you’re walking just fine, until hubby grabs your arm because you’ve been leaning more and more toward meeting the ground! (“Hey floor! How’s it goin? Just thought I’d “drop in” for a visit.”) (*laughing like a drunk monkey with a lifetime supple of nitrous oxide* Drop in…get it?)
 The one no-no for these days? Driving. Oh yeah, because the world doesn’t stop moving at its own speed and angle just because I sit down. I don’t mind walking into things now and then, but driving into them? Yeah, not so much! *sigh*
 But…it’s all part of life in the twisted lane! So I’ll sit back with a cold drink, a munchie or two, construct my “nest” and do my darndest to enjoy the ride!
 May your day be filled with life viewed at its proper angle and speed,  good friends, good food, and lots of love and laughter!
 PS- Just because I was amazed at the things that were accomplished by these folks despite the balance-impairment glitches, here’s a link to a list of well-known peoples who live with Menier’s!
This? It's my veiw of things after I fall over
and hit the floor!
Hi Bob!

Saturday, May 26, 2012

It's Not PMS, It's A Manifesto!

 Good morning! I’m just gonna get the apology outta the way right up front…because I’m going to offend someone, but…that’s just the way I am! Oh, and also? This is NOT PMS, it's a Manifesto!
 Now…I am a couch-slug. I live my life in the on-my-ass lane. I ride a sofa like a pro. I am Gimperella. I sample life through a fibro-fog at the speed of sludge. I don’t trip the light fantastic…I’m just fantastic at tripping!

 And I am NOT PC! (Umm…that stands for “Politically Correct” not the whole “Mac vs PC” thing. Just sayin’…)
 I know I've mentioned in the past that a lot of the commenting thing goes happens on my Facebook page and yesterday a good friend was awesome enough to point out some problems with my World Couch-Slug Appreciation Day slogans…
“Because sick humor is healthy!”
“More fun on your bum!”
“Hug a slug!”

My contribution to the
WEGO Mug Shot Wall!

And then a wonderful contribution from another friend, “Sofa, so good!”
 The concern was that some of these bits of awesomeness would feed into the misconception that chronically ill folks are lazy and go all couch-slug because it’s fun.
 THAT’S when it hit me…I am NOT a PC kinda gal! Oh, I used to be…but at some unknown point, I simply stopped caring if I was offending everyone (read as “pretty much anyone”) with the ways in which I chose to live my life. Ya know why? Because I’m LIVING (wait for it…) MY life.
 Now, that’s not to say I go around using offensive terms. Hell NO! I am respectful of other peoples…(Oh yeah, there is a BIG difference between the two) but…if I tried to organize my words, actions, and delightfully off-beat sense of humor (I am OH SO humble!) around what someone might misinterpret or take offense to…I really would never leave my couch!
 So I am now on a mission…*slightly creepy giggle* I am reclaiming (if, in fact anyone has actually tried to claim it out from under me) the term Couch-Slug! (I’m also going after Zombie, Gimperella, Trippy-Tripenhoffer,  and Dumbass.) I will wear my air-headed, flat-bummed, trip-and-hop-ness with pride and joyfully explain to those who either question or point-and-laugh the true nature of my life-style!
 From now on I will joyfully limp-and-drag my way through life with the biggest doodie-eating-grin on my face, knowing I have the Super-Power of laughing at myself. And ya know what? People can feel free to either join in WITH me, or join in AT me. It’s their choice…(for which? I am not responsible.)
 But the key here…the whole point of my little too-early-morning rant? I will live MY life on MY terms and have one hellova good time doing it! Even if a portion of it is from the couch!
 May you day be filled with your life on your terms, joy, laughter, and just a hint of snarky-un-PC humor! Because in the end…it’s YOUR opinion of yourself that matters!

Friday, May 25, 2012

World Couch-Slug Appreciation Day

 My beloved…my precious, I long to again hold you in my hands and feel your warmth spread through my soul. I dream of your taste on my lips. You are my first thoughts as I open my eyes to another day. You are my reason to rise from my night-rumples sheets. You give purpose and strength to my every dawn…
 Coffee, I’m yours! (Please…don’t tell hubby! He’d never understand…)
 Good morning! No joke, this was what went running through my one-eye-opened brain today as I was trying to assemble clothes, brush my teeth, and limp-trip-run to the kitchen for my first cup! (I do NOT have a problem!!!)
Also? I may or may not have
spent time "playing" with the dog!
 Yesterday I spent finishing my Masterpiece for the Scleroderma Foundation’s contest and catching up on Social Media stuff. (Read as playing on the computer in a totally non-productive [but FUN!] way…)
 I did notice a bit of a running theme though, as I bounced from chat to chat…There were a LOT of people stuck on their couches or in their beds with health-flares (damned Gnomes!). And most of them were down-right miserable and feeling like either they didn’t have a life or it was passing by without them.
 Now hold the friggin’ phone, folks! I admit, couch-sluggin’ is not my first choice in vocations, BUT it can still be fun. (SERIOUSLY!) So today being Friday and all, I present for your perusal the Couch-slug’s top ten ways to have a blast while on your ass!
      Top Ten Ways To Have Fun Whilst Stuck On Your Bum!
This? It's the daughter's,
1)       OK, you may have to rearrange furniture, but start by placing your couch by a window facing another home…Because spying is AMAZING fun! From your primo seat, you can watch the neighbor’s coming and goings, all the while creating the most insane stories to explain their more-than-likely normal behavior. (Because, really? Normal is WAY boring!)
       And if you don’t live near peoples…watch the critters. (Those furry little buggers can NOT be trusted!)

2)       Spend your morning coloring packing peanuts black with a sharpie. Procure a rubber band or (better yet) a real sling-shot. Spend your afternoon using rubber band to shoot the now-black packing thingies ALL OVER the living room. When hubby or kids arrive home, act all panicked and tell them about the gigantimous rodent that tortured and mocked you all day…point to the black “turds” all over the place as proof! (Milkduds would be so much better…plus you could pick one up and eat it for a totally AWESOME gross-out effect! But who, I ask, wants to waste Milkduds?)

3)       When your family’s outta the room, get up and move random things six inches out of your “reach-zone.” Then hop back on the couch and start calling them in, asking them to fetch said item for you! “Honey, I’m sorry but I think I sat my drink down over there…Can you get it for me, please?” If your family is anything like mine, they will sigh and stomp a little (especially the fourth or fifth time in under an hour) but trust me on this, they will LOVE playing Fetch-it with you! (I know my kids would be ever so sad if I stopped this behavior…)

4)       Practice my special brand of mind-discipline…or as my kids call it, the art of ignoring everybody! It takes TONS of practice to train a mind to filter out every cry of, “MOM!” or, “HONEY!” coming from the far corners of a house full of family peoples. (Again? Bad grammar on purpose!) I like to think of it as my own personal cloaking device. If I pretend I can’t hear them and fail to respond, it’s like I’m in my own little world…where it’s oh, so peaceful…*happy sigh*
       You can also take this one a slightly different direction when you have company and pretend you’re invisible. Trust me on this, the confusion? HIL-A-RI-OUS!!!

Cool things to add to "The Nest"
5)       Create a nest. Start with a pillow and a blankie. Now add a few books, every remote in the house, some munchies, a drink, perhaps some crafting supplies, your electronic gadget of choice, maybe a cat or dog for variety…and mix it all together in a tangled web of snarled chaos…all over the couch! This effectively makes EVERYTHING impossible to find when someone (or you) needs it!
       Everything may be at your fingertips, but you’ll have to dig for it. This too can be a game the whole family can enjoy! (Especially hubby when he gets home from work and NO ONE can find the TV remote!) (Umm, sorry honey!)

6)       Pretend the house is a Starship and the couch is your Command Center. Now you can micro-manage EVERYTHING from your seat-of-awesomeness! Not only do the kids LOVE this game, but this way? I feel like I’m contributing so much more than simply sitting back and letting them do everything with no guidance…

7)       Bait the animals with snack-crumbs. Hey, not only does this lead to cuddle-time with my critter-companions, but it also solves the problem of being a messy eater…I gots my own, personal fur-covered Hoover!

8)       Watch hours of mind-numbing television (I'm currently stuck on The Big Bang Theory) and then annoy family with off-the-wall references! This game works best if at least one other person in the house watches with you (Thanks Celina!) so you both can (literally) fall out of your respective chairs laughing and snorting at your cleverness!
       And the blank, annoyed stares from everyone else? BONUS!

9)       Spend some time each day creating a repertoire of one-liner-come-backs for every eventuality. Some of my all-time favs are, “Sorry! I’ll do the laundry tomorrow!” “I know I saw it yesterday…no clue where it’s at now!” “I forgot to pull that outta the freezer. Looks like pizza for dinner!” “Watch your step, I forgot to clean that up!” "I didn't do it!" "The Gnomes did it!" And no list would be complete without, “I’ll get that next commercial.”

Toys? Pffft! These are "blogging" tools!
(Yeah, hubby doesn't buy it either.)
10)    Find your inner child! (Bonus points if it’s more of a “Bart Simpson” than “Lisa Simpson” kid!) Now…PLAY! Paper dolls, action figures, heck! I even have a doll house! (We told hubby it belongs to the daughter…Sshhh!) (And yes, I'm aware she's 19. Don't judge me!) Get some coloring books and crayons (FOR-GET about that “staying in the lines BS!) and color a purple dog or a pink unicorn.
       Get creative and have fun. LAUGH! Carry on conversations with your pooch making up a cool voice for his end of things. (Um, make sure no neighbors catch this one…the whole “CRA-ZY” misunderstanding could ensue.) (My daughter just read this and commented, "Umm...misunderstanding?" What the heck is THAT supposed to mean!?!)
 (Bonus #11 inspired by my daughter- Point-and-laugh at someone then have hours of enjoyment while they try and figue out what the hell is so damned funny!)
Super Slug. Official spokes-slug
of World Couch-Slug Appreciation
  Whatever you do remember, just because your body wants to pretend it’s Walter Matthau from “Grumpy Old Men” doesn’t mean your mind has to follow. Look for the FUN, the JOY in life, grab hold with both hands, and OWN that couch! (I swear, you CAN do this from both a seated and prone position. I’ve tried!)
 So, in honor of World Couch-Slug Appreciation Day (No, I did NOT just make that up!) find the time to try one of these out and make your own AWESOME, couch-fun filled day!!!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Enjoy The Ride

 Good morning! OK, call me crazy (or maybe say I lead one heck of a boring life) but I fell asleep last night thinking about what I was going to write this morning…(And a few nights ago I dreamed in Tweets! How’s THAT for an anxiety dream!) And now you’re wondering what I came up with. Well, too bad!
 Just kiddin! Actually, I fell asleep thinking about two things, some of the amazing posts I’ve come across this week and stretching myself outside of my comfort zone. As odd as it sounds, the two pretty much feed into each other.
 I’ve stated before (oh, so MANY times…) that what started out as a personal journey somehow morphed into me wanting to drag as many peoples (Yes, I LOVE using bad grammar on purpose!) as I could find along for the ride, raise awareness for invisible diseases, and remind people that they are Captains of their own Destinies. So it stands to reason that most of the sites I “haunt” are all about the same things.
 Here are a few of the awesome ones I tripped across this week...
Regina Holliday’s Medical Advocacy Blog "Error 404 in the Patient Advocacy Community" is, as always, an amazing post! This one is a bit different in that she’s asking for a little help from the readers.
 (And gotta add this Bonus for “hometown” pride!) "The Orchestra"  This painting is destined for the August 9, 2012 Association for Healthcare Documentation Integrity (AHDI) Annual Conference in Indianapolis, Indiana. (Where most of my Docs are located. Whoop! Whoop!) (And yes, hubby and I have been discussing looking into attending!)
WEGO Health Blog: "Health Activist Mentors: Blogger In Residency Program"  An amazing interview with Julianna of What The Jules  about her work with the Chronically Awesome community and her Blogger in Residency Program. Great article packed full of links!
 And my last share today is the one I’m allowing to challenge me…The Scleroderma Foundation is hosting a contest for the 2012 Scleroderma Awareness Month! I.AM.SCLERODERMA. Participants submit a “sclerodoodle” and the top 20 will then be posted on line for viewers to vote for their favorite.
 Yes…I “doodle” on occasion. But I DON’T share! I’ve never considered myself an artist, but I would LOVE the chance to attend the Conference (part of 1st prize) and put my money (as opposed to my feet) where my mouth is when it comes to making a difference!
 So, I’ve been doodling. (Wish me luck!) And I WILL submit it! Even though, like most people, it makes me nervous and border-line queasy to think about strangers “judging” my work…*gulp*
 But ya know what? I KNOW I can’t grow without a bit of change. And change…is NEVER a comfortable thing (at least for me). So I’ll push myself out of that comfy-zone. I’ll put myself out there and take a chance. And regardless of the outcome, I’ll be a better person for trying and I’ll enjoy the ride for what it is…a chance to learn, grow, and meet the other people who are pitching in!
 May your day be filled with great writing, awesome art work, and at least one chance to grow as a person. And remember…Take time to enjoy the ride!