|My Mom and Grandma's thing about|
putting socks on your hands to keep
from scratching? Believe it or not,
you can actually sand the flesh from
your bones with a sock!
Yesterday I was forced to cancel my awesome pool physical therapy session since I was breaking out in in Mystery Yuck. Not knowing if I could possibly yuckify the rest of the world, I opted instead (OK, I was kinda, sorta forced…) to see my Doc in a quest for an answer.
And…I came home empty handed. (OK, I came home with antihistamines and hydrocortisone cream, but it’s a metaphor, so stop being so literal people!)
“Contact Dermatitis” AKA “I don’t know what your gross bumpy-stuff is so I’ll give it a fancy name and do everything I can not to touch you. Now please go before you accidentally ooze on something I’ll have to sterilize.” Yep, THAT’S what I was told I gots!
(Ummm…what I asked next was in no way, shape or form retaliation for those pictures. Just sayin’…) Poor hubby and The Girl are also broke out in bumpies, so hubby had asked if the anti-snuggling chipmunk could have contaminated our home with some form of alien creeping crud…So I may or may not have posed a question about the possibility of rabid chipmunks spreading body lice…
After that, I was met with the blankest of nervous stares and all talk of parasites stopped. Then I was ushered out with scripts for the antihistamine and the cream…and as little physical contact as was humanly possible. (The only way there could have been less contact would have been if they had handed me my “visit summation” with kitchen tongs!)
Now, I am the mother of four offspring. I am familiar with all manner of bumps, lumps, rashes, outbreaks, and funky skin goo…I have seen things that would make most non-parents pass out, puke, or cry. And I know chickenpox when I see it.
I asked the NP about chickenpox and was nicely poo-pooed over the fact that I had them before. Guess what? After a bit of web-crawling, I discovered that 8% of people who have had chickenpox GET THEN AGAIN! (Are you kidding me? What other health myths of our childhoods were lies? *shudders at the thought*)
Of course, there are many other viruses that can appear the same as the pox…but since no one wants to touch my leper self, all there is for it is to wait it out…and try not to scratch! (OK, I told my daughter not to scratch, but I’m past the age of giving a damn about pox marks on my belly, thighs, or hinny…so I’ve been scratching like a champ! I have removed plugs of skin that might require a skin graft to repair! I have managed to peel off sections that a potato peeler would be proud to claim as its work!)
So for now, I’m fairly sequestered in the house with the crankiest daughter known to man. We are prisoners of courtesy (not wanting to spread whatever “joy” we’re currently scratching) existing on a steady diet of pop tarts, microwave popcorn, rootbeer floats, and horror movies. (It’s a hard way to live, but don’t worry…we’re fighting the good fight!)
Oh…one last thing before I go. To the gentleman in line ahead of me at the pharmacy, I’m sorry! I just couldn’t bring myself to give you a heads-up about your “condition” so the afternoon’s resulting laughter at your expense was kinda my fault.
|Sclero Bob re-enacts the |
external skiddie for your
(He was wearing pale khaki shorts and some “color” caught my eye as he was impatiently shifting his weight from foot-to-foot. After I actually looked? Right over the “bulls-eye” there was a DARK BROWN STREAK about an inch and a half long and maybe ½ inch wide! I simply could not bring myself to tell him he had an exterior skiddie, which would have meant admitting I had visually perused him butt-region. I mean, how does one tell a total stranger that to the rest of the world it looks like he had an “oopsie-poopsie” moment!?!)
So I’m a bad person who really needs to NOT fart on public for a while because I’m probably on Karma’s short-list right now…
May your day be filled with safe gas-expulsions, NO itching, and the joy of knowing you’re nowhere near me (or the possibly diseased chipmunk) so you’re safe from contamination!