If It Works For THAT, Will It Work For THIS?

Errol Flyn or Brando from
The Godfather?

  UPDATE: I was informed the warning at the end of the post comes WAY too late, so I’ll re-print it up here too. Sorry to all the eyeballs I was partially responsible for blinding. *appologetic grin*

PS Just in case you’re a bit squeamish or easily embarrassed, the lovely embedded link for bum-bleaching? Includes a picture. *giggle squeak* Just thought I’d give you a head’s up. (Thanks for the LOVELY visual Wikipedia!)

  GOOD MORNING! Yeah, I’m yelling for the benefit of all of those nursing hangovers this morning. Would you like me to fry you up some greasy huevos rancheros with extra hot sauce and a side of bacon? *falls over in fit of giggles*

  I can SO crack jokes since I am NOT hungover. (For once.) Thanks to the miracles of night-time-meds, my old-fogie behind was asleep before 10:00 PM. *deep sigh*

  OK, so today everyone’s gonna be talking about resolutions and probably a few regrets about video footage of them dancing at parties. Neither of which conversation can I contribute to. So, instead I’m gonna lament about the dreaded chick-stache. *again deep sigh*

  Yes, I have mentioned that I can grow a damn fine mustache and goatee. Yes, it pains me to admit that I am a slave to waxing. But THIS? This latest discovery? Has taken me to my emotional knees!

  I do not know which Deity of Womanhood I have angered, but the last few months my upper lip has began to…color up a bit. And by “color up” I mean turn DARK. I wax, I pluck, I tweeze and it STILL looks like I gots a sweet lady-stache goin’ on.

  What the livin’ be-jeepers is THAT all about!?!

  Yesterday, while in the throws of my hairy-angst, I broke down and purchased a bleaching kit. No, I didn’t get the “regular” on, I went full scale, industrial accident strength! And I have no idea if it’ll even work. After all, they all say they’re for facial hair, not facials.

  Umm…between you and me I’ve heard rumors of this thing “they” do with bleaching the “rear-end-waste-disposal” area. Which, I might add, will without fail throw me into a fit of uncontrollable giggles! After all, WHY would someone…ANYONE pay another person to not only take a non-medical peek, but to spend time slathering on bleaching chemicals and periodically checking for color results?

Look at me! Day 1 of the
this Year and I’m already
making new friends!

  Personally, if it’s not an all-out medical emergency, my disposal-chute is completely OFF-viewing-limits. Heck, even when it’s time for the lady’s “tweek-and-peek” I make every effort to hide-the-hole from the Doc’s line of vision. (Yeah, not as easy as it sounds. Still working on the technique. But I TRY, and that’s the important part!)

  But I digress…

  The point was, if they can bleach THAT nether region, can’t I bleach my upper lip skin? (In my world, it does make sense. Just sayin’.)

  So, later today as the offspring are occupied doing offspring-y things and hubby is watching the football, I shall sneak into the bathroom, pull out the industrial bleach kit, and see what mayhem I can whip up.

  My only fear? It’ll work, but work TOO well and instead of the lovely shade of black-grey I currently display, my lip’s gonna come out the other side resembling that of an albino. Yes, I’ll walk the earth sporting a permanent milk-mustache.

  Cross your fingers, wish me luck, and do your best not to point and laugh next time we meet.

  Oh, and HAPY NEW YEAR!

PS
Just in case you’re a bit squeamish or easily embarrassed, the lovely embedded link for bum-bleaching? Includes a picture. *giggle squeak* Just thought I’d give you a head’s up. (Thanks for the LOVELY visual Wikipedia!)


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