Sunday, January 6, 2013

Pain Lies!

  Good morning! Rough week? Pfft! NOT even close.

  Everywhere I look lately I’m seeing posts from friends in the middle of various health crisis. Whether it’s physical pain, flaring glitches, or fighting an ugly depression, too many of us are doing battle against ourselves.

  And ya know what? I’m right there with ’em.

  I’ve noticed I can laugh-off short bursts of pain or even a few days of it fairly easily. But when the rough patch begins to stretch into the “weeks” category, I lose quite a bit of my sense of humor.

Raise your hand if you can identify!

  When I lose me ability to point and laugh at the mess I’m in, I get angry. When I get angry, I accidentally get all scream-y. When I get all scream-y, I feel freakin’ guilty as hell. When I feel guilty, I get bummed out and weepy about the fact that I’m acting like a world-class ass-hat.

  When I get all weepy, bummed, guilty, scream-y, angry, and lose me sense of humor? It makes it easy for the serious depression to move in. THEN I end up questioning everything. And the fact that I’m not thinking clearly because of the pain and all it’s brought with it never occurs to me.

  It’s a viscous cycle that feeds itself like a snake eating its own tail, it just doesn’t stop…

  Then I start the pulling-into-myself process, not talking to anyone about it because either I don’t want to burden them with my cry-cry thoughts or my sleep-deprived, pain-laden brain thinks they won’t care anyway.

  Which brings us to the here-and-now and me sitting in front of an out-dated laptop, typing away.

  I promised I’d always be honest. Sometimes honest is NOT what I want to be with y’all, because it’s not funny. It’s not “putting a positive spin of life.” But it is life with chronic glitches.

  Today may not be funny, but every life has dry-spells. *grin* And if you find yourself smack-dab in the middle of one? Do your best to remember long term pain sneaks in when you’re not looking, steals your rose-colored glasses, and replaces them with a shiz-nit filter, discoloring your worldview.

  So here’s the point of what my addled brain is trying to say…when we find ourselves in this sort-of dark place, we are NOT alone. Anyone who lives with chronic glitches and/or pain visits this cave of lies.

  Why cave of lies? Because the stormy sea will eventually return to some semblance of calm and we’ll again be able to see that life is beautiful with so much to offer. WE’RE beautiful with so much to find joy in. And all the people around us? DO love us and think we’re worth it.

  Much like depression, pain lies!

  Thanks for being so much a part of what helps me to remember the truth. Here’s to crossing our fingers and hoping tomorrow is a better day for all of us fighting our personal battles and remembering we‘re not alone in the fray. *hugs*

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