Chickens Are AWESOME Accesories

  Good morning! OK, here’s the obligatory HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY EVERYONE!!!!!

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  No, I am not a Valentine’s Grinch. Yes, I do believe deeply, madly, and passionately in love and celebrating it. I just hate doing stuff that’s expected of me. *grin*
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  Besides, why should I only share my luuuuuuv with my family once a year? I prefer to bless them with the awesomeness that is me EVERY DAY of the year! And yesterday? I was even kind enough to grace the World around me in anticipatory glee for today. (Looking at that line, I believe I need a LOT more coffee. But ya know what? I’m leaving it in anyway. You‘re welcome.)
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  I’ll set the scene for ya, because ambience is King around here!
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  I was scanning in today’s comic (“You’re not The Shadow” since I had completely forgotten it was the big V Day today) when Jack flew (yep, *she’s flying now) unto my shoulder. “Ahhh….how cute!”

The “Girls.”
This? Is how I attempt to
type most mornings. *sigh*
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  I’m still bending over the scanner when there’s another WHOOSH of wings. (OK, more a hyperactive hummingbird with no sense of rhythm sound, but WHOOSH sounded so much more pleasant.) I look to my right and there’s January on my other shoulder. “Great! The evil one has landed.”
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  Let me interject right here that I am was wearing my purple, used-to-be-fleece-but-is-now-dryer-melted-thread-bare-Tinkerbell-Christmas jammie pants, a lime green Oscar The Grouch hoodie, and sporting a crazy pony-tail look.
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  That was about the time I heard the horn.
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  It would seem the Pocket Ducks have discovered there are things called females in this world and as one unit were chasing her across the street. During the 5 O’Clock 500! *sigh*
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  The Boy was barricaded in the throne room (potty) and the other offspring were off running errands. It was a dire situation indeed. I mean, time was of the essence and I’m barefoot and wearing two birds like shoulder pads!
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Interresting…my lack of
ability to dress myself like a
normal human seems to be a
running theme…Hmmm…



  SO…making a decision that only a woman who is truly concerned with the well being of passing motorists can make (OR a woman heavily under the influence of judgment altering pain meds) I slipped my feet into the toxicness of The Oldest’s work boots, flew (Zombie-shuffled-half-crouch-because-there-are-birds-perched-on-my-shoulders-waddled) out the door, and made it down the front Steps of Death without falling or losing a passenger.

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  I did manage to get the morons out of the road and half-way up the drive before the next rush of cars passed. SLOWLY. Ad not slowly because there are friggin idiot birds trying to make Valentine’s Day niceness with a hot Muscovy chick. OH NO! Slowly because there is an obviously crazy, more-than-likely homeless lady hobble-shuffle-limp-waddling up the driveway. And she’s wearing tiny chickens on her shoulders. Kinda like really low-dangling earrings with feathers and a pulse. THAT kind of slow!
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  So, this is my gift of love to you and the rest of the World today. I promise to wear matching clothes that don’t involve cartoon characters and not leave my house with anything living on my shoulders.
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  Who the heck am I kidding? I’m just gonna make sure there is an offspring available at all time to go outside if the need should arise.
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     HAPPY VD y’all!

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*Side Note Jack LOOKS like a she-chicken. No comb to speak of, no developing waddles, and a tail of respectable she-chicken size. There’s only one problem…SHE attempted to crow yesterday. CROW! She-chickens do NOT crow!
  I think I have a seriously gender-confused chicken on my hands.


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