First Rule Of Medication

  Good morning! Holy cow toes on whole wheat toast with mulberry jam! About an hour after I finished trashing a beloved, childhood classic in the name of…something…I was struck down by the Mother of all headaches! It wasn’t quite a migraine, but close enough. (I’m thinking it may have been a sign the Shel Silverstein was NOT well pleased.)
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  Being as I’m out of Migraine Rescue meds (payday is tomorrow, so y’all know how it goes. *sigh*) I did whatever I could, which would include eating one of every pain pill I’ve ever been prescribed. (In a responsible manner, of course. Geeze! Who do you think I am, Jim Morrison!?!)
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  The result was the not-quite-a-migraine-but-close-enough broke yesterday afternoon. The other result was I happened to be, shall we say, a little stoned-like?
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  Which in my drug-addled brain was the PERFECT time to send out a few “professional” e-mails. (Yep, you did indeed read that correctly!)
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  My “reasoning” went like this, “It would be a seriously cool thing to be able to use the WEGO Health Awards Finalist thing to spread some awareness and turn a few fellow Hoosiers on to some of the other websites. Because, ya know…it would be REALLY helpful to a LOT of people! SO…now would be the BEST TIME EVER to call the local paper and tell them ALL about it!”
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  Sadly, you’re cringing is highly appropriate, since I proceeded to drugged-dial the News folks. (Sometimes, I REALLY need a baby sitter!)
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  After confusing the living CRAP outta the nice lady who spoke to me, (I vaguely remember yelling things like, “It’s a REALLY cool thing!” and, “It’s World wide because they work internationally and stuff!”) I was given an e-mail address for the gentleman who would probably be the one I needed to talk to.
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  Keep cringing because I really did e-mail the guy in that state. *heavy sigh* Here is what our local paper was lucky enough to receive from your truly in her attempts to help spread awareness…
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Good morning!
  My name is Chris Dean and it was suggested I contact you with a possible story idea.
  I am currently a Finalist for the WEGO Hilarious Health Activist Award. I included information about WEGO, in case you’re curious about who they are, what they do, and why it’s a pretty cool thing.
  I have an auto immune disease that affects my muscles. In 2010, when I started the diagnostic phase  (Pin the Tail on the Diagnosis) I was frustrated by the lack of community for people who knew they were sick, but had no idea what it was. So, I decided to create one.
  I write a health and humor blog called Life Your Way! where I work to help those with chronic illnesses (and helathy folks too) find the humor in everyday life as well as some not-so-funny situations.
  I’d love to talk to you about what it is I do and why I do it. (Or, just because I’m bored.)
Thanks for taking the time to read this!
Chris Dean
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  After I “sobered up” a bit, I read it to hubby. “It sounded OK right up to the “bored” comment.”

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Me- “I was going for funny! It was funny. At the time.”
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Hubby- “I’m sure it was. I bet everything was kinda funny at the time.”
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Me- “I was trying to capture my sarcastic, smart ass sense of humor. Ya know, make them curious enough to read more? Because I‘m so witty?”
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Hubby- “You definitely captured something.”
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  And this is why I’ll probably NEVER hear back from the newspaper guy and fail miserably at my plan to spread anything but a certain knowledge that I’m a sarcastic smart-ass who should have her computer and cell phone taken away after she‘s taken copious amounts of pain meds.
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  Forgive me WEGO, for I have sinned greatly in breaking the first rule of medication. NEVER text, dial, or e-mail while under the influence of heavy narcotics, for you WILL most assuredly regret it in the morning.
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PS The Girl just informed me, “Dude, I tried to stop you from making the phone call, but by the time you got to the e-mail, it was just too late. I’m telling you, I have NEVER heard the word “umm” used so many times! It was like every other word!”


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