Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Things You Can't Un-Know


  Good morning! OK, if you’re one of these awesome individuals who has a vivid imagination, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER!!! Instead, for your own peace of mind? Skip down to the picture at the bottom.  (Yeah, the last thing I want is another Captain Grabendo and the Stink Finger of Shame scenario.)
  OK, for the rest of you fellow twisted curious folks, I present for your morning mind-boggle, Things You Can’t Un-Know!
  The Oldest is a “collector.” He collects coins, comic books, old books, antiquated computer equipment, and anything else that has the potential to fill any empty space in his room and drive his parental units up the wall.
  Yesterday he educated me on his latest find. It seems some unknown person or persons left a bag of magazines at his place of employment. So, on his way to the dumpster, OF COURSE he went through it because you just never know when that rare, 1950’s comic book or coin collector mag is going to show up in a randomly abandoned bag of magazines at your place of employment. (Duh!)
  What he found instead is the stuff nightmares are made of. A pornographic publication filled with (wait for it…) Senior Citizens! *pauses while primal screams and gnashing of teeth dies down*
  Evidently there is a lovely little “read” called “50 Miles” that caters to the over-50-and-still-hot-as-hell crowd. Which means that if your Mom or Grandma is one of those high-spirited, exhibitionist types who never lost her wild-streak, you could one day accidentally come across a bag of abandoned magazines at your place of employment and if you were brave (or curious) enough to dig through them, then you could possibly find a more-than-slightly revealing picture of her with a staple in her belly button.
  And just for the record, I DID warn you! Any post-reading trauma from this is NOT my fault.
  In other news…we established previously that my family thinks it’s hilarious to take pictures of Mommy when she’s napping. (We currently have somewhere around 50 of them that I know of. I shudder at what future generations will think…They’ll probably assume it’s a Weekend At Bernie’s sort of thing and my family was just even more twisted than they actually are and enjoyed posing a corpse for bizarre pictures with various critters and relatives. But I digress.)

  Yesterday (before the Things You Can’t Un-Know incident) I was busy practicing my favorite form of Ninja Avoidance, AKA napping. The Boy was kind enough to abuse use my phone to document the event.
  Yep, that’s how I roll! I mean, who needs a blanket when they can just cover themselves in critters.
  And yes, for those new faces I’ve seen, that IS a chicken sleeping peacefully on my chest. And another one in the window. Because I am THAT kind of crazy!

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