Friday, April 26, 2013

Time In A Bottle

“What’s a day that you wish you could have used a pain-free pass (either in the future or the past)? How would being pain or worry-free impact that day?”
  Good morning! First off, please allow me to say, “WEGO, I owe you!” Why do I owe them? Because ever since reading this prompt I have had the song Time in a Bottle stuck in my friggin' head! Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday…I’ll figure out how to repay this kindness.

Figurines aren't the only
 things that can be passed down
from generation to generation

  Now, on a more serious note, I tried several different ways of looking at this one. I thought about why I wouldn’t want to be Superman. (since you’d pretty much have to be a Super Hero to have a completely pain-free day.) Then I tried to decide if there was a single day ever I would change, since lack of pain would indicate a fundamental alteration to everything about how a specific even would be viewed from my standpoint.
  Then the reality of the whole concept hit me and I realized that if I were given a magic elixir that could grant this pain-free state, I’d save it and ultimately give it away. To my children. Because genetics suck and I have probably doomed at least one of them.
  Sorry y’all, but today’s Top Ten is gonna be kinda serious. (And only Five.) But, it’s also some stuff folks need to know because the more you know, the more you grow. And knowledge is power. GO JOE! (Sorry. Couldn’t resist!)

.      Top Ten Reasons Genetics SUCK Thus Making Me The Purveyor Of Evil:
     1) My Mom, the youngest of five, used to joke that by the time she came along, all the good stuff on the Family Tree had been picked clean and all she got was the leftovers.
       In her love for her children, I think she shared many of these “genetically predisposed” glitches with me. (Varicose veins, the Unspeakable H, and irregular heartbeat to name but a few.)
       One or two of these have already made an appearance in the lives of some of my offspring. *sigh* Because genetics? SUCK!

Hubby's Father lived
with Lupus.
Lupus is one of the "weird"
ones and does tend to
run in families...
There appears to be a certain amount of genetic component to auto immune diseases. Research has shown that these lovely gifts we give to ourselves via an overachieving immune system, tend to cluster in families.But it gets even better. There are around 80 different auto immune diseases and another 40 that are believed to have an auto immune component. And when they decide to keep it in the family? They mix it up a bit.
       A specific auto immune disease (for instance the Crohn’s Disease my Mother lived with) may not make manifest in the next generation, but instead show up as a horse of an entirely different color. (Un-what-the-hell-ever-it‘s-called Mixed Connective Tissue Disease)
       What this means is my offspring couldn’t be “lucky” enough to be on the lookout for a specific set of symptoms. Oh no! They just have to know their bodies well enough to be aware of any freaky-deaky changes or unexplained system malfunctions. (Pure AWESOME-SAUCE!)
     3) My daughter didn’t just win a $5 scratch-off ticket, she won the Mega-Millions Lotto! You see, approximately 75% of people living with auto immune diseases are women. (And who says we chicks always get the short end of the stick?).

Allow me to take a moment and call my hubby out...
Even though he has been diagnosed with Psoriasis
and displays the classic Butterfly rash, he REFUSES to
be tested for Lupus. He is being an ass-hat
and setting a BAD example for our offspring! 
     4) Chronic headaches, sinus headaches, and the Great Grand Goat-Sucker of them all, the MIGRAINE also tend to run in families. (This crap? Is also more likely to kick some chick ass than it is to pick on the guys. So to The Girl I once again say, “I’m SO sorry!”)
       Two of my offspring have already developed chronic, severe headaches and one of them has even had their first Migraine. This happens to be one “First” that Mommy is NOT proud of!
     5) I’ve mentioned a time or two that my glitches don’t just amuse themselves with my physical health. I also live with a Mental Illness, which can also run in families.
       The running joke for YEARS has been that the whole Mother’s Curse? You know, “When you grow up I hope you have kids and they’re just like you!” Well, my Mom cursed me once for every nasty aspect of my personality. The result is four quasi-glitchy offspring.
       Seriously though, as much as I hate to admit it, all of them have some degree of OCD. A few of them have “interesting” mood swings as well.
       The only up side of the genetics equation is since I’m a proud owner of a T-shirt (as in “Been there. Done that.”) I’ve been able to help them navigate the whole experience and find things that work to help make it more manageable. (Also, watch for any signs that require immediate Medical intervention.)
  The final FYI is that genetics alone do NOT doom my progeny to any of my personal health or mental glitches. Research has only shown a link. A potential for being able to flip that switch a little easier than most.
  It’s also shown a probable connection to environmental factors. So you can imagine the gratitude my offspring feel at the fact we moved the family back to the EXACT SPOT where my Mother and I grew up. That way? We can achieve the optimal statistical probability of at least one of them ending up as glitchy as I am.
  Wonder if I could find a Lab to study us and pay for all out medical bills in the process? Hey, it could be a multi-generational study, baby!

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