Saturday, May 18, 2013

I'm not glued to anything...yet!

  Good morning! Damnit, I NEED super glue!
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  The problem is, I’m kinda grounded from super glue at the moment. Why? Because I am the Great High Exalted Master Grand Poohbah-ess of gluing inappropriate things together…like my hand to a coffee cup. My hand to a figurine. My hand to the counter. My hand to my other hand.
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  Although in my opinion, my all-time best was gluing a pair of pants to my leg. Hey, I was attempting a bachelor repair on an unfortunate cigarette burn. It would have worked just fine…had I thought to remove the pants from my body first.
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  Oh, also? Did you know that when heated, super glue kinda emits a toxic fume? Yeah, well, repair a candle holder with the stuff and let the candle burn all the way down. It sort of becomes a science experiment. It’s not my fault hubby viewed it as me trying to kill the whole family.
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  For these reasons and so many more, I have been relegated to the world of Craft Glues that can kinda be peeled off of things (like hands) before they permanently set. The problem? The crap ain’t working for shiz-nit!
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  Case-in-point #1 
The “T” on my keyboard broke months ago. It kinda REALLY sucks, but hey, if you hit the piece of rubber that used to hold the key in place, you can still achieve a “T” in your sentence. Until this morning when the stupid rubber nub broke off.

No, my keybard is NOT really this diry.
I probably just need to clean the camera lense...
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  Currently, I’m extremely grateful I have finger nails to hit the stinkin’ pad-thingy so I can have a damn “T” in my alphabet!
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  Oh, I TRIED to glue the rubber nub back on. And you wanna know what happened? Nothing! Because the glue didn’t friggin’ work.
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  Case-in-point #2   A couple of weeks ago, hubby was AWESOME enough to bring me home a dozen cupcakes. (Which I shared with everyone.) (OK, I kinda shared…mostly.) The yumm-er-ific delights came complete with tiny little Tinkerbel rings on top. Which would be totally wasted if I wasn’t so darn crafty…
I shall have my Tink Tiara...eventually.
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  I didn’t see rings when I looked at the pile of cast-off party favors. Oh no! I saw my very own Tinkerbel Tiara! All I had to do was glue them together in a quasi-circle and VI-O-LA! Instant awesomeness.
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  Except for one tiny detail; the stupid glue won’t hold the stupid plastic rings together! I even tried twist-tying them in place while they dried. Nope. Still an unglued mess.
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  So I’ve already decided that when I run to the pharmacy to pick up refills today, a contraband tube of the miracle glue will be smuggled onto the counter amidst the meds, Diet Dr. Pepper, and mandatory chocolate. Then, upon returning home, my Tink Tiara will be made and my “T” shall have its rubber nub once more.
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  And tomorrow? I’ll probably be posting pictures of my fingers super glued to bits of cutesy plastic and, in all likelihood, my computer.

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