Hercules, camel-toes, and cats. Oh my!

  Good morning! Y’all will be glad to know The Boy’s package arrived yesterday so I won’t (OK, probably won’t) be making anymore “package” jokes. But really, he set them all up SO nicely it would have almost been a crime not to run with it…
.
  Besides, I NEEDED the laughs! I mean, I was playing in that stupid Stats page again…(Yeah, yeah. Nothing good ever came of anything that started with that phase.) As I was saying, I was playing on the Stats page and I was CRUSHED! Crushed I tellz ya.
.

.
  Are you guys sitting down? Most of the recent searches peoples found me by were *deep shaky breath* actual, health related searches! What the hell is this world coming to when a chick can’t even sit down and write without worry about being seen as all legit and stuff?
.
  So, since today is Friday and I figured I should probably do a Top Ten list for once and, me being me, I figured I could maybe help out in the “seen as a serious blog-y thing” arena.
.
  So here it is…
.
Top Ten Search Phases Seen and Hope To-Be-Seen That Prove I’m NOT a Serious Kinda Gal
.

Search Keywords
 by Week

  1) Even though most of the phrases were health related, there was one that caught my eye…”constepatied faces
  This one interested me mostly because I misread it. My brain independently registered the misspelling and automatically determined that “faces” was also misspelled and the Searcher MUST have meant “feces” instead. So…”constipated feces” was how it filtered to my awareness.
  And let me tell ya, whether it was constipated faces or feces, it cracked me the holy monkey noses straight up!
.
  2)amateur nudes” and “bidet jokes” have seriously dropped in the rankings, but the fact that they’re still represented fills my twisted little heart with hope!
.

Search Keywords
by Month

  3) This was about the point when I got bored and decided to check “Search Keywords for Month”. And just like that, “wedgie girl” showed back up. So…my question is, were there more people searching for info about “wedgie girl” last month or has someone simply beat me out on wedgified popularity?
  I need to know these things!
.
  4) Then the short attention span kicked in and I was off clicking buttons again. This time it was the “Search Keywords for All Time.
  My heart is currently SO filled with pride that I can barely type! “Why,” you ask? Because absolutely NOTHING even remotely respectable showed up!
  Unless, that is, you consider “woman covered in kittens” respectable.
.

Search Keywords
All Time

  5) It is with a seriously HUGE amount of joy that I can say 2/5ths of my All Time Search related visitors were looking for something with the word “crazy” in it.
  From the bottom of my nubby toes, I sincerely hope I didn’t disappoint anyone.
.
  OK, here’s where it gets fun. I wanna see if I can stack the deck and throw some “Search Keywords” out there and see if anyone is seriously looking for them. And yes, I will totally be checking on this daily.
.
  6)drunk cats in high heels wearing glasses
  I swear on all the evil Muscovies’ future progeny (which I TOTALLY hope are NEVER hatched!) if someone finds me through this phrase, I’ll dub them Mr. or Ms. Awesome for the day and eat a cupcake in their honor.
.
  7)mating calls of the domesticated Giant Squid
  Yes, I AM expecting to meet legitimate Scientists with this one. (Hey, it could happen!)
.
  8)Hercules sniffed other guys’ togas during gym class
  OK, I admit it. I made that one up. But I ask you this, can you prove he didn’t?
.
  9)trees with feet
  Nope, this one is not too silly for even me. Trees DO have feet and I gots the pictures to prove it.
Exhibit A The Chicken Foot
.

.
Exhibit B The Camel-Toe Foot
.

.
  Now who’s lookin’ all silly and shit?
.
  10)Vince Offer is a misunderstood genius
  Ya know what? I threw this one in for all you nay-sayers who keep accusing me of being a little obsessed. After all, no one has ever found me in the Search Engine-y things by typing in “Vince Offer.” Ergo, I am NOT obsessed. *sticks tongue out in triumphant manner at having proven point*
.
  OK, if any of you can come up with better Search Phrases than these, I’ll add them to the post.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

CommentLuv badge