I’m thinking’ I’ll either get a Publishing Contract, a Lawsuit, or hate mail for this.

A few nights ago, I was chatting with a gal-pal about all the time we’d spent “livin’ large” on a budget that’s stretched so thin, it was darn-near invisible. Which led to the whole “I’d like to see Martha Stewart write a book for THAT!” kinda discussion.

Together, our slightly twisted minds met at the intersection of Totally Wrong Street and  We’ll Probably Burn For This Avenue and came up with a list of chapters for the almighty Matha would need to include, should she ever chose to write what would be sure to be a best seller:

 Martha Stewart’s Living for the Working Class Poor

1. Interior Decorating with Blankets
Included uses: hanging blankets in windows and doors for added insulation, blankets as couch and chair covers, blankets as tablecloths, blankets as functional doors, blankets as draperies, and more

interior-design-with-blankets2. Alternative “Wipes”
Includes: substituting worn-out T-shirts, unmatched socks, cut-up old towels as bathroom tissue and the proper bleach : dish soap : water ratio for cleaning them

3. Ramen Again
Includes: over 20 different kid friendly recipes using Ramen Noodles

4. No A/C For Me
Includes: heat-busters for those living without A/C, the best public places to hang-out in for the free A/C, how to turn your tub into a kiddie pool, using a bowl of ice and a fan to create a small Arctic zone

5. Out-Of-Gas Games
Includes: ways to turn running out of gas into a fun game for kids, the best places to run out of gas to ensure the fastest rescue, tips on when and when not to accept help from a stranger

6. Diaper Daze
Includes: clear instructions on how to turn an old T-shirt, a towel, cling wrap, or bread sacks into a stylish and functional diaper. Recommended for emergency use only.

7. Craft Time for Kids
Includes: using condiments as finger-paints, making play-dough from items commonly found in your kitchen, daisy-chains and clover crowns, braiding weeds for lassos and jump-ropes, turning crayon shavings and wax paper into collages

8. The Quiet Game
Includes: tips and tricks to turn hiding from the Landlord into a game that even small children can easily master and enjoy

9. Revamp That Wardrobe
Includes: using Kool-Aid or food coloring and vinegar to dye a garment to match a non- removable stain, the lost art of sock darning, super glue to extend the life of a shoe, duck tape hems for beginners

revamp-that-wardrobe10. Alternative Detergents
Includes: easy to follow instructions on substituting laundry detergent for dish soap, substituting dish soap for laundry detergent, shaving bar soap for use as any kind of detergent you find yourself in need of

There ya have it, a glimpse of what Martha’s Living might have looked like if she had married WAY too young and started a family on a budget that would have made the proverbial “shoestring” look like “high on the hog.”

On second thought, forget Martha. Chris’s Desperate Measures I Have Known might work out just fine. After all, why let someone else take all the credit for knowledge gleaned from years spent livin’ on the edge?

How about you? Any topics, tips, or tricks you’d want to see added?


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I’m thinking’ I’ll either get a Publishing Contract, a Lawsuit, or hate mail for this. — 7 Comments

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