Thursday, July 4, 2013

I guess I owe Mr. Freeman an apology.

  So there I was, minding my own business, just doin’ my thang when out of nowhere I hear Morgan Freeman’s voice say, “So get busy livin’ or get busy diein’.

  What the hellz!?! Of course I did the obligatory “look around on the off chance Mr. Freeman is standing behind me” thing. And, of course, he wasn’t.

  So I shrugged my shoulders and kept on keeping’ on. That was about the time I realized Mr. Freeman was now giving a blow-by-blow of everything I was doing, interspersed with the same, “Get busy livin’ blah blah blah,” as before.

  Seriously!?! I mean, I know I’m cool and all, but nowhere NEAR cool enough to garner my own narrator, let alone Morgan flippin’ Freeman.
This? Is the true face of, "OH SHIT!"

  I was momentarily confused, but quickly passed into flat-out annoyed. After all, a life that I saw as full of hi-jinks and misadventures suddenly became downright boring when someone who OBVIOUSLY just dug the sound of his own voice was calling out my every damn move. (It had to be he liked to hear himself talk, because I’m too poor to pay a neighborhood kid to follow me around, let alone Morgan flippin’ Freeman!)

  I spun around on my heel, ready to track down Mr. “My-Voice-Is-So-Damn-Awesome-The-Studio-Hired-Me-To-Be-The-Voice-Of-God” when something suddenly struck me as extremely odd. (Because Morgan flippin’ Freeman narrating my life apparently wasn’t odd enough.)

  I had just spun. On my heel. I mean, literally SPUN ON MY HEEL without falling over sideways, knocking half a dozen items to the floor, or pulling connective tissue I didn’t even realize connected. What the…

  …and that was when I woke up to find hubby had fallen asleep with the TV on. And the volume cranked up. Watching the Shawshank Redemption. (And the man wonders why I called him an ass-hat when he woke up?)

  Which only goes to show ya, subconsciously I find Morgan Freeman narrating my every move while using famous movie quotes as filler WAY more plausible than my executing a simple heel-spin without doing myself bodily harm.

PS I was just gonna take a few frames of video so I could pull a funny picture of me falling over. That's all I wanted! What do I get? Me, poised gracefully on the arm of the couch and then posed oh-so-perfectly in he image of an accidental fall? OH HELLZ NO! I gets me, losing my balance, smashing the dog's head, terrifying the kitten, and trapped like a turtle on its back. (Only I was kinda stuck on my ass, but same difference.)

So, instead of grabbing a frame and deleting it, I figure I'd share with you just WHY Morgan Freeman following me around was so much more believable than a smooth heel-spin. You're welcome!

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