|It’s kind of an analogy…underneath it all, every one of
us is one-of-a-kind. After that? It’s all in how we dress
it up and choose to express ourselves that ends up
defining who we are to the rest of the world.
The last few days I spent hanging out with an old acquaintance on our well-known stomping grounds. I wish I could say it had been with a friend or even just pleasant company, but alas, it was just my long-time associate, Self Doubt.
So SD and I were kicking back, killing some time in Funksville (Sister City to Bluestown) trying to figure out just where in this great big ole life we fit in. As we were debating (for the millionth time) exactly what we were probably supposed to be doin’ with our lives, my phone went off.
I checked messages to find a form letter from BlogHer announcing that the BlogHer 2013 Voices of the Year Winners were finally posted. Oh, and also saying, “Sorry babe, but you weren’t one of ‘em!” Imagine my surprise at the feelings not of defeat but of relief that washed over me.
What the hellz, man? I mean, I am one competitive beeyatch. Why was I feeling a little…lighter at the fact that a panel of esteemed judges had critiqued my work and found it wanting?
Which was about the time hubby texted. During the course of our text-versation, I mentioned I was a loser. While trying to reassure him that he didn’t need to console me, words emerged from my fingers that I didn’t consciously tap in. It was like one of those freaky-weird-subconscious-HOLY SHIT! moments.
“…I’m relieved it’s over. I’m relieved I wasn’t named. I congratulated the woman I knew who was…”
“…She wrote one hell of a good piece they felt better represented what they want in a writer. I’m good with not fitting any of their molds…”
“…You know what? I truly like being indefinable…”
And just like that, I ditched my annoying, soul-sucking acquaintance and Zombie-shuffled my way on outta Funksville, heading toward Happyland.
|Oddly enough, I spent the entire day taking a dress that
didn’t “fit” me and turning it into a wrap-around skirt
that better “fit” my personality and “style”.
A few weeks ago I’d asked Therapy Lady if I’d ever feel like I fit-in or belonged anywhere. If I’d ever stop feeling like an outsider. (Just for the record, I received NO answer. Apparently, Therapy Ladies are there to help you figure out your own shit, not figure it out for you. Who knew!?!) But last night? With one choppy-ass text-to-text with the hubs, I finally GOT IT!
I AM an outsider. I DON’T fit in to the standard expectations of “normal” because I am one-of-a-damn-kind. (Really? If ya think about it, everyone is. Or at least they should be.)
When I started pondering the “equation” I realized it’s always been the people who embrace their own non-fitting-in-ness that I have felt most comfortable around. My Dad used to call these kinds of folks “fringe dwellers.” More than once I remember him telling me I had a fringe-magnet hidden somewhere on my body that drew them to me. I’m fairly certain he meant it as something of a negative statement, but I always saw it as a positive.
I won’t lie and say, “VI-O-LA! With this realization, my anxiety is finally cured!” I mean, let’s face it, I have a lifetime of telling myself I’m supposed to fit-in to overcome. But I can say that I’m one step closer to being all the me I can be.
|I could continue the analogy thing, but the truth is
I’m so damn proud of what I got done yesterday that
I HAD to share it. But, it is kind of continuing with the theme,
since it’s all in how you wear your individuality, baby!
For now, I’m content to see the signpost pointing the way to Fringe and knowing there’s a lovely cottage in a shaded corner of the Town Square with my name spray-painted all over it! And also? That there are so many kick-ass, amazingly unique people like you guys that’re already there, saving me a seat at the party.
PS A huge CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! to Michelle Lewsen from They Call Me Mummy and all the other amazing women for being honored as BlogHer 2013 Voices of the Year!
You guys may remember Michelle from her guest post last October when we did the blog-swap thing. You can read her winning entry in the Inspiration Category HERE.
Great job Michelle!