Saturday I had such...BIG plans. I was gonna to read, I was gonna write, and I was gonna catch-up on some correspondences. I was gonna DO DISHES!
What did I actually do? Sleep. I slept like a baby. I slept like the dead. I slept like a real baby (meaning I woke up every couple of hours, whined and fussed, then slept for another hour). Whatever analogy you wanna go with, I’m pretty darn sure I would have slept the entire day had I not needed to wake up to chain smoke and binge eat.
|(Saturday morning) The snow|
just makes it look even more like
a doorway to another (hopefully
Then yesterday the teeter-totter dipped again in its never ending search for balance, leaving me awake and staring blankly at the ceiling at 2:00 AM.
The storm did hit, dropping over a foot of snow and bringing the coldest temps on record for my State since 1970. An hour north of us. I would say we got lucky, but this is Indiana and we don’t get lucky, we just get...surprised. Instead of snow, my patch of Paradise saw a brief warm-up and rain, followed by a mere two inches of snow. THEN the freezing temp hit, leaving my yard looking like Snow Miser’s Castle with its ice-snow-ice layers.
When the New Year started, I promised myself I was going to get back into the groove of the whole daily writing thing. Because THAT’S when I’m happiest! THAT’S what I love to do and what I live for; us hangin’ out and laughing together. Instead, it would seem I’ve cocooned myself even further in solitude, going days without even logging on.
|(Saturday morning) The ice really is beautiful!|
Just WHY does it have to be so COLD!?!
I suppose I could be depressed, hitting the down side of up. It could be that, spending days without seeing the outside world (other than the currently dreaded bird-work) has left me with nothing more interesting to share than my deep thoughts. (Which really aren’t that deep.)
It could be my frustration over a body losing its damn mind has left me feeling more angry than funny. The *wripples (wrist nipples) I can live with. I mean, they’re still working like a charm to elicit the occasional screech-gag-scream response from The Girl.
The best (and by “best” I really mean “the suckiest”) part of the year so far, healthwise, HAS to be that my colon has decided the motility drugs (aka colon blow combo) are for losers and it ain’t no damn loser! So yeah, I have once again returned to my former poo-poo-pinata state of existence, hoping I’ll eventually eat enough to “push” something out the...ummm...Just think Play-Doh press and you’ll get the picture. (TMI? Pfft! No such creature around here, baby!)
In all reality, all this has taken a back seat to the turmoil that has been rocking our family boat (even more than usual) over the last three months. We’re all fine, so no worries there. BUT...there’s another “situation” involving a “third party”...AND I PROMISED I WOULDN’T WRITE ABOUT IT! *deep trembling sigh* This means that the total transparency fuse short circuited somewhere in October, leaving me floundering on how to share EVERYTHING without actually sharing EVERYTHING!
It’s like the planet Vulcan (don’t laugh, it really was a for-reals theory); scientists KNEW it was there because of the behavior of Mercury and the surrounding space stuff, but no one ever found the friggin’ planet. This has become my life. There’s so much that happens on a daily basis that’s affected by the rotational pull of Vulcan, but my typing hands are tied when it comes to sharing any of it. (Cryptic enough for y’all? Yeah, I think it sucks mutant seaweed and snail slime off of some stale Townhouse cracker too!)
|(Saturday morning) My writing Muse may have gone on vacation, but|
at least she left the camera at home.
All of THIS, plus the normal day-in-day-out living of life to my own personal extremes has taken its tole on my writing Muse. To be honest? I think the bitch packed up and went on extended vacation until things get a little more back to their normal level of chaos around here.
And WHY am I writing pages of nothing but under-caffeinated, disjointed thoughts? Because that’s all I can currently do. Because it’s 3:00 AM (for the...5th day in a row?) and my brain had turned to mud. Because we’re a tribe here and I feel like I’ve been in self-imposed exile and it’s time for me to STOP the depression-feeding madness and return to the things in life that make me happy and y’all are a monster-sized part of that!
Because my word for the year is “faith” and I have complete faith that, even if things never return to my version of normal, they WILL get better and I’ll, once again, find a new normal. Because that’s what we peoples do.
We may find ourselves smack in the middle of a personal ice-age (or, if you’re on the East Coast, a literal one!) or we may have parts of our lives that aren’t available for public consumption. Hellz, we may even be in the middle of of body-and-health rebellion, but we keep on keepin’ on until we find our way back to a place where we can laugh at all of it.
The journey may involve a few trip-and-fall incidents and possibly a few tears (OK, more than possibly. DEFINITELY a few tears!), but the journey is really the biggest adventure ever and I think I’ve had enough of waiting and watching. I think I’m ready to jump (or at least Frankenstein waddle) back in and see how much more damage I can do before all is said and done.
How about you guys? Is there something that’s been bogging you down? What are your favorite coping mechanisms when life throws you a curveball (even when it’s more of a beanball than a curve)?
* I did start off the New Year with a trip to an Orthopedic Surgeon and two of the most BOR-ING hours of my life just to find out the wripples are, in fact, more ganglion cysts that are just too stubborn to shrink with the oral steroids. Cutting them out is not the best option, since they tend to return and their location is all snuggled up to a major artery. SO the only two viable options are 1) a steroid injection directly into my lovely lady (wrist) lumps or 2) wait and see if they disappear on their own. (You probably guessed it already, but I opted for the wait-and-see option.)